thoughts on the marrakech

So I don't ordinarily comment at length/write up a whole post when switching between reading decks...but since the Marrakech isn't one of the easily available mass market decks that everyone and their ma has a copy of, and since i got it with specific reasons and expectations, I though I'd have a go at it in this case.

This is another one of those instances where I pick cards I feel are appropriate rather than pull them and interpret... See, I think what this deck does with the Fool is rather interesting. There are two fool cards in the deck...both have a reinterpretation of the classic symbolism, the man on a journey (though interesting that he isn't a youth!), scorpions and snakes at his feet instead of a dog, a hyena lurking in the background...danger, danger but also that sun and the rainbow, hope, optimism, opportunity awaiting. In one card, he is entering a veil, in the other leaving it...the beginning and end of some kind of journey, then? Running towards vs. from something? Seeing clearly ahead vs behind? Many ways to interpret this. My mind goes to the symbolism of oroboros again - all beginnings have an end, all ends are in their own way a new beginning.

I also like this take on the wheel. I looked up the meaning of Mektoub, and essentially it is the idea of fate, predestination, so it is written, so it will be. But yes, it fits here, the idea that larger wheels spin, things always moving and changing and sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worse and you roll with it. I like the utter ridiculousness of the imagery - that sometimes things just happen and sometimes they are and you cannot explain it, cannot make logical sense of the why, why is this happening to me, it just IS this is where you ARE right now. But it's all on the back of an elephant, who moves forward, change, motion, always.

Yes, it's an interesting deck, especially the majors. Those I very much like, and there is a lot of food for thought even though they aren't very busy. The use of primary colors by and large is striking. Love the North African influence of the art. The courts...I don't quite know how I feel about those. The deck plays around with ethnicities (arabs, asians, indian, white) but there doesn't seem to fully by a rhyme or reason to it (as in, it doesn't go by the suits) and...yeah. The minors are not very illustrated or expressive...less approachable than even regular marseilles minors I'd say. I can see them giving people used to reading with illustrated minor decks trouble for sure. Actually, though, I must say I was pleasantly surprised at how well I was able to read them. Apparently my style for such is a mish-mash of relating to majors and number meanings and suit meanings and traditional rws meanings and marseille tradition meanings all wrapped together depending on context and accompanying cards and it...works for me, and makes me realize just how much I've progressed as a reader in the last few years.

So yeah, interesting deck. I like it, but I do admit its more an intellectual like than that kind of gut reaction, instinctive/intuitive type like. Will definitely work with it some more in the future. For now, going to continue with Thoth, whose awesomeness I am realizing more and more, and also, I think, with the Fey, another pretty recent acquisition of mine :]

victory over the mind, sometimes

So, yesterday did turn out to be quite a productive and good day. I got a bunch of things I wanted to do done (and dear Shamil is in his nice new pot!), and even succeeded in not engaging in certain...behaviors that it is ordinarily very, very hard for me not to engage in for any amount of time.

It's kind of funny...the knight here is all about charging into action, sword at the ready, horse at the ready, bird of prey, even, at the ready. Charging off to battle with his allies in tow, as it were. Though interesting that in this deck, he isn't wear any heavy armor to speak of, just robes. I wrote about this knight a few days ago, thinking about him and the destructive potential of these kinds of charge! battle! impulses in relation to larger conflicts and wars. But of course, it's not always bad to face something head on, to put up a struggle, and sometimes the struggle you really need to engage in is within yourself.

Which brings to mind the Islamic concept of jihad actually. The way that the term has such dual meaning - the more commonly known one, in this day and age, the one co-opted by radicals and repeated to inanity by pundits - and the other. Yes, jihad can be a struggle with the other, with the invader, with the oppressor, but it can also be a struggle with YOURSELF. To master your own impulses, base desires, flaws. Of course, if your are religious, the point of all that is to better submit to god.

And if, like me, you do not have a bone of religiosity in your body? Well then there is striving to meet your own expectations, to fulfill your own dreams and ambitions and criteria for being a good person. Sevens, of course, can be related to the Chariot, arcana 7, victory in a particular battle - victory that came from control and discipline, from bringing together various potentially opposing drives within or without yourself and making them work for YOU. And of course, the victory in the seven is singular, one battle in many; you cannot get complacent just because you succeeded once.

I like the palms here, the fact that within that struggle you can find a bit of peace and beauty. One thing I really, really loved about Egypt was the flora there. How, right next to the desert you could have such beautiful flowers and trees... you can find peace in struggle, especially if what you are struggling against is within yourself, and is a destructive force in your life.

Another blog I read uses the term 'jerkbrain' a lot and it's an idea I find very true: that stupid voice inside of your head that tells you that you aren't good enough, that what you have done is actually not impressive at all, always bringing up the negative, the negative; it would like to drown you in the NEGATIVE side of things...

The proper thing to do, of course, is to sic your crow or raven or falcon or whatever your bird friend is on it ;] (For me, a raven, another tattoo I want to get as soon as I can afford.) Go out into the world and take on your own mind, and sometimes, just sometimes, you can actually WIN over it. That's always something, right?

And if you see some palm trees or flowers in the middle of all that, take a moment to enjoy them; that's a kind of victory too.

Finding Balance Spread

So, to continue on with my year-word theme of equilibrium, I decided to do this simple little spread. The point of a scale is to weight things, to make sure they are in balance - hence its use to represent idealized justice. So in this spread, I ask:

What influences weigh too heavily in my life right now? 

What influences weigh too lightly?

Again, in the actual spread both came up as reversals, so keeping that in mind in terms of my interpretation but posting regularly because, well.

Lovers of this deck shows up again here, this time to reflect on what's too much of an influence in my life...reversal here makes a lot of sense. See, indecisiveness is ME. Oh gosh, is it me. My Cancerian nature I suppose, has a lot to do with it. But there's a difference, between 'I cannot decide which bottle of ketchup to buy at the store' and 'I cannot decide if I want to try to do something amazing or if I even want to be alive' and the latter, the latter is the crux of many of my life issues, right now. I just so terribly cannot decide which direction to go in. I cannot figure out what I want, how much I really love the things I love. The veiled girl and the traditional girl and I, like the man, stand between my choices but I cannot choose, I go back and forth, probably doing injustice to both because I CANNOT CHOOSE WHAT TO COMMIT TO. Even KNOWING that one of the options is just terrible, in the case of one particular issue...I still cannot choose to let it go, and the indecision gnaws away at me. What do I love? What do I really want? The question looms largely. Too largely, it seems.

As for what weighs too lightly? Well here we have the knight of fire, the wands suit of this deck. Like you might expect, this knight is rearing and ready to go. As is his horse. His sword is out, he is suited up, he is ready to take action, to take on difficult things, to take on the world. He is confident in himself, his abilities, and he has energy and motivation and drive and he actually DOES THINGS, not just THINKS about doing them. This knight has ambitions and goals to keep him focused. That, I think, is what I need more of, according to this card. Something to keep me driven, and some self-confidence, more willingness to take pro-active action, to go out there and get things done even when doing them is hard. Maybe I need to find some assistance, my proverbial sword and horse to help me take on the world and get things done. Energy, though, especially, and forward momentum.

Desire/ Defy/ Escape Spread

I saw this spread somewhere online a while ago...might have been Tarot Dame's blog...anyway, I liked it, so saved and decided to give it a go.

All three cards came up Reversed in the reading. That being that, reading them as reversed but posting here right side up for ease of viewing purposes...

Desire

Reversed Devil? Why yes, quite very appropriate here indeed. Terribly appropriate, actually.

I can't/don't want to get into why, here. Let us just say that it is a very much a 'Devil' type problem, one that I've had for a very long time, that just gets worse and worse and sucks in more and more of me and yet I never really do want to stop, do something about it; at least, not enough to make it happen. Things have been particularly bad in that front lately and as I commented on marina's blog a couple days ago...the metaphor of the tower that needs to be knocked down, but that you don't quite have it in you to do the demolition...has been on my mind.

Other things along the same lines ongoing issues too. A couple of people I don't really want in my life anymore and don't really know how to put an end to those relationships definitevly. Problems with roommate making me feel trapped and uncomfortable at home and trying my best to make that better and yet it...isn't, so far at least.

I just feel very trapped and very sick of so many things. Keep wishing I could just...run away. Be free. Unchain myself and not be here, like this, me...

Defy

Also quite appropriate to my situation right now. See, whenever I am having a particularly bad time...I really just want to withdraw. Isolate myself from everything. I guess it's the Cancer in me - shell, yes, crawl into shell.

I can't, though, not really. I have classes I need to go to, and once I'm there I have to talk and participate because well, grades are affected by participation and so is learning more generally and for the amount of money these classes cost...I better be making the most I can out of it. And I have work, and all the small talk that goes with that.

And really, even in personal life...I am trying, still, somewhat. The once or twice phone call or parents, occasionally actually calling back a friend, and online especially, posting and commenting...trying not to be so hermit-like. I could really be doing more in this direction though, and I know it. Have been letting myself slip back into that isolate isolate mode, which isn't great for many on any level, and I think that this card is trying to point that out.

Reach out. Try harder to connect. You don't have to handle everything alone all the time. Really.

Escape

Ha. Like I said...kind of have been overwhelmed with the desire to escape from...everything. Anything. The world as I know it, as I have constructed it around myself. The way that everything can narrow in around you to a small handful of issues that you can barely see beyond and those increasingly just become...so tiresome, too much.

Also, I suppose, reversed World is apt in that...this pervasive feeling that no matter how hard I try, or what I do, I'll never really achieve much, accomplish anything, go anywhere, do anything. That there will never really be the kind of self-fulfillment that I am looking for. No nice happy ending. That everything is essentially pointless. I think this is really, on a deeper level, why I lack the motivation to really do what I need to do to free myself of all those devil things...

By the same token, I think this card is saying that this kind of thinking is exactly what I need to 'escape'. If failure is inevitable and everything has no meaning then why bother freeing myself of those chains or engaging with people/world around me, right? But of course, you can never achieve if all you think about is negativity, the world upside-down...self-fulfilling prophecies and all that.

Want to escape from the tangible world around me. Need to escape from the faulty constructs of world i create for myself in my head.



jumping on the tarot and quotes bandwagon

"Any real change implies the breakup of the world as one has always known it, the loss of all that gave one an identity, the end of safety."
- James Baldwin


“Desperation is the raw material of drastic change. Only those who can leave behind everything they have ever believed in can hope to escape. ”
- William S. Burroughs


“Change happens when the pain of holding on becomes greater than the fear of letting go.”
- Spencer Johnson

simple pleasures

I wanted to try out the Marrakech a bit more, plus it's one of those days where I could really use a message that's just meant for the here and now and not tied to bigger themes/things, so here we have it -

Sometimes it really is about the simple things. Sometimes greater pleasures and comforts are simply out of reach: there are things that can't be fixed in a snap, burdens that cannot simply be thrown off, problems that tie themselves into your life like stubborn knots at which you pick and pick with little effect. Sometimes, in the moment, the best thing is to focus on what you have in front of you.

Like this Sun card, which is really a rather unusual take and quite interesting. The water carrier...a modest profession, it would seem, yet in a desert country, in a place where the sun's brightness is as much a danger as it is a source of light and warmth...how valuable is water then? How amazing the moment when the man comes to you and your friend, pours a cup of cool liquid, offers it to you to drink? How nice it must be, that first long sip, the feel and taste against parched lips? Suddenly the sun can feel nice again instead of overwhelming.

Sometimes you may have that friend with you, or a partner: someone to hold your hand, to rub your back, to tell you everything is going to be okay and keep you company. And when you don't? Make do with what you have - simple pleasures. Make yourself a cup of your favorite tea. Let it steep, cool enough to drink. Sweeten it just so. And then drink it slowly, mindfully. Enjoy the taste of it on your tongue, the way it fills up your belly. Or have a cup of your favorite wine, sweet and white. Enjoy the smell of it. Drink the glass bit by bit, savoring the flavors. Take your time, focus in the moment. Let all the bigger problems fall away for just a bit. If it's day, maybe take a look outside at the sun and enjoy the light; if it's night, maybe light a candle, let the scent of lavender waft across the room.

Yes, simple pleasures sometimes.

for today - goodbye and hello

So yeah, today is one of those occasional days where I actually feel like doing a 'daily draw' type thing - you know, picking a card for the day. I'm also about the switch off the two decks I'm working with, so I figured it'd be interesting to pull two cards: one from one of the decks I'm about to put away that I really connected with, as a kind of goodbye message, and one from one of the decks I'm looking forward to working with, as a kind of hello message.

The Swedish Witch, a deck I always thought was cool, and which I was quite happy to be able to go on an adventure to buy when I was in Sweden, ended up being an even better reading deck than I could have hoped. I really enjoyed working with it, and with all that symbolism, I feel it'd make a great deck to study/work with exclusively, one day...

Anyway, my daily message from this one is the King of Swords...a card of action, of passion, of in control kind of DOING. We have two horses here, ready to move things along, and flames to add urgency to the situation. There's a horse on the King's helmet too...a card of movement messages indeed.

Very apt, in fact. This wasn't the best of weeks for me in many ways, including very poor sleep patterns, and as a result I didn't wake up until 1pm, which is VERY late for me. It's after five in the evening now, and I still haven't done anything meaningfully productive. Don't plan on going to sleep until very late, so there's still plenty of time, but I think this card is a very CLEAR message to get my arse up and start doing things. Run to the store, clean, laundry, schoolwork...the list is long. In fact, this being a King and not a knight, and thus subject to more organization and discipline, makes me think I ought to update that list and then really make myself start doing things on it and crossing it out. Get moving, this card says. Now.

Yes, I posted about this deck before, when it first came, and the time has now come to devote some time to getting to know it. There are many reasons why this deck really calls to me, though there are some drawbacks too - a few years ago, the very simple, uninspired pips might have been a major challenge to me. Fortunately these days, I can work with unillustrated pips just fine, and the majors and courts more than make up for it, methinks. We shall see.

In any case, the message from here is the lovers...an interesting take to be sure. We have the Marseille tradition image of a man surrounded by two lovely ladies to choose between...one is dressed in the fashion of the Islamic conquerors of the region, Islamic culture, North African variant (makes me think of the ladies on the streets in 'Battle of Algiers') while the second lady wears traditional North African Berber dress. Sun shines brightly behind them all. Of course, there's an interesting component here, not present in the European tradition, of the fact that If the dude is Muslim as well, he COULD actually marry both of these ladies...

In any case, choices choices, eh? Overwhelmed with choices. In this case, with what to do. This is one of the reasons I've been awake for several hours and haven't gotten anything significant done. What to start with? The mess that is my floor, my desk, my bed? The lost debit card I need to try to locate? The readings I need to do for my classes on Monday? The Arabic homework? Spinning around and everywhere a something that needs to get done and I get dizzy from it all so I say, in a bit, and go back to trimming some cards. Choices choices. Neither of these ladies is a bad option, right? Just pick something and start with it. Whatever you get done, that's progress, thats one less thing on the To Do List. Choices choices - sometimes any decision is better than indecision.

shiny new deck :D

So - due to my life and especially my housing situation being in a state of perpetual chaos, I woke up this morning to the sight and sound of random men entering my bedroom to measure the floors...fun times...

On the bright side, however, my roommate had gone to ask the building manager about fixing broken sink and she came back to hand still half-asleep me a package. What was in the package, you may ask? A new deck! :D

And not just any deck, but one I've very much been a hankering for as of late...the Tarot de Marrakesh.

This one comes out of France, and what makes it special, to me...is well, the fact that it is so very North African themed.

See, I've been studying French and Arabic for years now, very academically interested in the North Africa/Mid-East region spent last semester doing a ton of reading and writing about security issues in North Africa, want desperately to visit Tunisia/Algeria/Morocco (in that order of preference, lol) and yeah, I could go on...

So of course I would want this deck very much as soon as I set my eyes on scans of it. And now it is in my clutches!

The art is so genuine a capture of North African Arab-Berber culture, and I love the art style, and the limited color palette of the cards really works well, in my opinion at least. There's a minimalism here that just...works. Also quite like the titles on the majors. Interesting. I'm actually going to read the lwb that comes with the deck because...curious :0

Pips are unillustrated, but at this point I'm comfortable reading those, so no problemo there. And to make things even simpler, the standard wands = fire, swords = air associations are used.

Sadly, I have a bunch of other obligations, both life, school, and reading-related that I need to take care of before I can get to working with this deck but...yay it is MINE ALL MINE :D