making your own happiness

The magician here stands before the Stonehenge, a place man-made ages ago that continues to awe and impress to this day. He points is wand upward, ready to work, to channel power from above into the earthly realm. He is ready and able to make use of all the tools at his disposal.

Next to the ten of cups, I see here a reminder of the importance of taking an active role in shaping your life, in creating that environment of comfort, fulfillment, happiness. If you simply wait for things to get better on their own, for good things to happen to you, for someone else to swoop in and fix what isn't working, you might be waiting a long time indeed.

Even more important, the magician is making reality as he conceives of it. Want and will and action. Making your own happiness isn't only about the action...it's about figuring out what you want, what that means for you. In a lot of ways, the more I think about the ten of cups, the more I question this kind of commonly portrayed representation. Is this what true happiness and satisfaction is supposed to be? A heterosexual partnership and kids, a life at home? Does that make me inadequate, if I am alone? Does that mean that a person who chooses not to have kids will never be truly fulfilled, or the person that doesn't like to settle down? At this point in my life, this image makes me feel vaguely uncomfortable. If I were this woman right now, I would not be happy. I would feel trapped, constrained, overwhelmed.

Satisfaction means different things to different people. The important thing is figuring out what will bring you closer to it, and then working towards that, whether the steps be big or small.

a matter of focus

Today's draw brings back some themes from the previous reading, coming at them from a bit of a different perspective. Here again we have one of those less than joyful cups cards, the five. Usually this card shows a figure brooding over the broken or spilled vessels, ignoring the whole ones. Here we have something a bit different. The cloaked figure seems to be ignoring both. Instead he looks out at the water, fishes skipping through it, the way the sun and the color of the trees reflects on its surface. Perhaps he is taking a moment to think beyond the cups, beyond the immediate, positive or negative. He could be brooding, sure, looking at the water and not really seeing any of it, too absorbed in his own thoughts, problems. But maybe he is, in fact, appreciating the beauty that nature provides us, the little details that can bring us such joy and can be so easily forgotten, overlooked.

Perhaps he is using this time to meditate on the large picture, to think abstractly. The energy of the fish in the water, the warmth of that sun, the slow passing of clouds in the sky - what can that inspire within us? There is always possibility, somewhere around us. Even if it is still vague, a chalky sketch on a plain far ahead of us, a hill we will have to climb up and conquer. There is possibility and opportunity, and so much of that may not be what we planned or expected - it too, like the reflected color of tree leaves on water, can be overlooked so easily, if we insist on remaining absorbed in what was, what could have been.

There are so many things in life that we may have wanted, dreamrf of, planned for that, it turns out, were not to be. Will we spend more time dwelling on that, letting it cloak so much else, or will we focus on the new, on the future, on that vague outline that can slowly grow, become real to us?

current strength and weakness

So to start off a new week with a rather more conventional deck than the last, I'd thought I'd do a bit of self-inventory. A short sort of spread, two cards:

What is my greatest Strength right now?

What is my greatest Weakness?

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Again here we have my year card, Justice. As I wrote a week ago or so, I've been making some strides, small though they may be in the grand scheme of things, to bring some more equilibrium and balance to my life. In the last couple of weeks I've gotten a better handle on some more problematic habits of mine; I also feel more caught up on/on top of my school-work than I did earlier this semester. I've been working more actively on trying to build on my to do list system, to get more organized about things in the longer term as well.

The Druidcraft tarot is known for its rather big-footed people, and this card is no exception. Here, the bare feet on stone remind me that I have gotten more grounded, particularly in the daily type of things I need to be doing. The owl reminds me of wisdom I have, experience, the sword of my ability to harness logic and critical thinking to my advantage. Self-reflection and self-awareness. I generally have confidence in my ability to assess things and think of solutions, when I make an effort at being objective. Both with personal and professional/academic issues, I think this objective, balanced logic of mine is a major strength indeed. I trust my judgement, my ability to weight things. I can follow authority when I feel it is worth following and question it when it needs questioning, and I can separate my personal feelings from my objective assessment in both cases (ie., I hate this, but it is the right thing to do; This is great for me, but the fact that you allow it shows your incompetence.)

The second card in this spread reminds me that, despite my awareness of this and the work I've done to try to develop a more pro-active and positive-minded approach to things, I nonetheless still tend to...focus over-much on the negative. I see both positives and negatives, can appreciate the good, the progress, and yet in my mind I tend to minimize the formerand dwell and brood on the latter. This card is especially apt because for me, it often isn't the dramatic kind of sorrow of the five of cups, but rather the kind of listless apathy of this four - I see the bad cups, the defective cups, the problematic empty cups, and I dwell on them. I think about the future and consequences and implications if the problems remain unsolved, but solving them seems so impossible, such a pipe dream. I dwell and do nothing, despair and resign myself and rediscover my apathy and worry some more and withdraw again into nonchalance.

Of course, changing thinking is especially hard. Action however, is less so: you can, deep down inside, believe that you will never get those cups filled up again, but that doesn't mean you have to continue to just lie there on the branch. You can force yourself up, force yourself to pick up those cups and get to walking towards the water. Perhaps you are right, perhaps you will never make it - but you can certainly still try. My weakness is this kind of resigned apathy that tempts me to give up before I've really even started; self-paralysis, inaction. 

My Favorite Majors: Justice

Like The Wheel, Justice/Adjustment is a rather flexible major in terms of meanings in a reading, and similar to what I wrote for that one, it, too, has rather changed/broadened in meaning for me over the years. It;s a major I had trouble connecting with when I first started reading tarot, but one that makes perfect sense to me now. It's my year card this year, too!

It's interesting that this is one of the majors that seems to be most consistently portrayed across decks - regardless of deck theme, art style, system, whatever...almost always we have the scales, the sword. There are quite a few takes on this major I really like, and likewise quite a few that I find singularly unimpressive. I seriously debated choosing Thoth's just because I like it, conceptually, so very much...the title Adjustment REALLY meshes with my take on this card...but in the end, aesthetics informed my decision more, ha.

XI. Justice

Favorite:
There's really a lot I like about this card. The Swedish Witch deck in general is just...the majors are SO symbol-packed, and yet it looks very natural, and perfect for the art. Here we have a feather crown, the whole Maat/justice connection, and the scales and sword, pyramids showing historical connection, the thread throughout time, and the vulture which is not the bird normally associated with justice, in my experience, but which makes me pause and really think about this card in a different way; I like that. I like the balance of the sun and moon (or full and crescent moon, I guess) at her sides, the almost-nakedness combined with the wings, human and divine...a lot of things balanced in this card, which makes sense since it IS a card about balance, equilibrium. Use of color, the white and the red throughout, that dichotomy and all it can be made to represent...peace and war, passion and calm, body and soul...

SO much you can delve into in this card, and it all comes together into this kind of quirky and unique image that I really quite like aesthetically and yes. I really like this take on Justice.

Runner Up:
I debated quite a bit between this and another deck's Justice, but ultimately...I like this one a lot too. It isn't so intellectually engaging or striking to me, as it is comfortable. You take a look at this Justice and just GET it. Her position, her posture speaks of higher authority, which I know the companion book gets into but I honestly only vaguely remember at this point the story behind the major. The colors of her clothes set this off too, the deep indigo and almost-black violet, and there's an almost-classical look to how the folds of the clothes fall around her which reminds be of sculptures in courthouses and monuments. She has the sword, and the scales of course, and there is an owl next to her, which is a more ordinary/appropriate bird for the concept, I guess. I really like that she is sitting in nature, the stone and the sky above her. A comfortable card, as I said. Encompasses everything it needs to quite well.

My Favorite Majors: The High Priestess

So, on to the third of the majors, then. In many ways, the High Priestess is for me quite the opposite of the Magician - visually, its often on of the most striking cards in the deck, a card I check out almost as soon as I open a new deck. Many, many decks I have include a high priestess card I quite like. But in readings...this one is often tricky. I sometimes still struggle to make sense of it in context.

I guess, really, my relationship with these cards is very much connected to the meanings...the Magician I understand intellectually. I can look at a card an appreciate how the symbolism connects with the meaning, explain various aspects of the card, analyze, synthesize, etc etc. With the High Priestess...visually, intuitively, instinctively I KNOW what this card is about, but when I try to organize those thoughts into words I...struggle. Resort to keywords, base meaning because...it's harder, to really...quantify a gut level feeling.

For that reason, my explanations for these favorites will be briefer, I think. My favorite High Priestess cards are very much cards that just...I look at them and say Yes, Yes this is IT exactly.


II. High Priestess

  

Favorite:

Again, I must refer to the Sun and Moon tarot. That deck really just is full of delight for me. This High Priestess...It's just perfect, as far as my conception of this major is concerned. It has the basic traditional symbolism...the book, the pillars, the water of intuition swirling at her feet. I love the gauzy dress, and the facelessness really adds to the effect of the card for me. But the dusky background is what seals the deal. I just love love love the black silhouetted palms and the crescent moon against that beautiful purple-pink dusk and...yeah. This card really speaks to me.

Runner Up: 

I'm trying very hard to be disciplined with this favorites exercise and really stick to one favorite and one runner up for each of the majors, but in this case...I really just couldn't choose. These two are quite different - the Victorian Romantic (Russian, in my case, but same image) has a well, romantic mystery to her, with the roman columns and the smoke and just such a...classy old world feel to it. Whereas the Druidcraft...so primal, ancient, spooky even (the eyes...) and yet so appropriate. I just can't choose between them as a runner up.

So yeah, in this case, the basics stick to traditional, but visually, instinctively these cards just speak to me.

And in the future I will try to stick to the only two cards rule better :]