self improvement focus/task

Often, when there are so many things that need attention and doing, its hard to really focus on any one thing. I believe I did this once before here, and thought it'd be a good idea to do again: Pull one card, with the theme/query of one aspect of things or task that would be worth focusing on for self-improvement, right now.

I named this Magician as one of my favorites in an early 'Favorite Majors' series most, and I must say that I'm still of that opinion. I particularly enjoy the fact that the Magician here is a woman, but not in the overly feminized and/or sexualized sense seen in some decks - no, she is presented as powerful, and in many ways stylized, like so many ancient statues. This makes clear that what he have here is still an archetype, and idea depicted in human form, but at the same time it universalizes that idea: power and self confidence is not, nor should it be seen as, just a man's domain.

She wears a skirt covered in pentacles, has sword in hand, cup on the altar in front of her and wand held by the trunk of her elephant shield. What does it mean, that elephant? Wisdom, massive strength, a long memory? According to the almighty Internet, it is often used to symbolize mental and spiritual, as well as physical, power and strength. Interestingly, apparently there is a connection between the elephant and those storm clouds I hadn't at all known about:

"In Siam, Laos and Cambodia, the white elephant grants rainfall and plentiful harvests. But when ridden by Indra, Lord of the Heavens, the elephant becomes the Storm-God."

Other meanings include mastery, and unification of heaven and earth...well, apparently in many cultures the elephant has quite a similar significance as this very card. Since getting this deck I have been intrigued by how symbolism-dense it is, and this bit of research has got me thinking about perhaps looking into that more deeply...

In any case, we have the monkey from the Thoth as well, echoing those meanings, and the storm clouds that can apparently be tied to that elephant shield, but perhaps too can be read as...well, lightening is mighty powerful too, isn't it, and dangerous, but there is so much we would have never achieved has someone not figured out how to harness the power of electricity...

And what does this all mean, as related to my original query? What should I be focusing on in the very current moment in particular? On myself, it seems, on myself and what I can do, my abilities and strengths. I should focus on self confidence, empowerment, the active, can do, inner motivation and drawing on my resources, in spite of any storm clouds that may be lingering above, darkening the skies. Mundane and esoteric, environmental and personal...how can I empower myself?

True enough this. After quite decently long stretch of feeling quite on top of my game I'm afraid I have been slipping back into self doubt, questioning whether everything I am doing is on some level pointless. Career-wise, it's hard not to be discouraged when... no one seems interested in taking you on even for unpaid internships. Of course, the more discouraged and unconfident you feel, the harder it is to push yourself to keep applying and keep trying and that can only add to the problem...

So reminder here to focus on strengths rather than dwelling over much on the shortcomings. Perhaps in some areas of life I have not made much progress, but in others things have changed and evolved much indeed. There are some things you cannot change or cannot, at this time, overcome. Fine. Focus on what you CAN do, what you ARE capable of, and things that make you feel good about you.

another go at tarot poetry

It's an interesting exercise, if nothing else. For some reason, the Thoth works better for me with this than anything else.

Magus and Fool

empty and full -
where will you go,
rising from nowhere?
nothing will stop you, nothing will dim
that light in which you spin.

rise then, in ellipses,
in spiral rings that swing
without end, with the flutter
of butterfly wings and the chirp
of a dove beside you.

in fractal darkness you glow,
reaching on stretched toes -
what for? what chews
at your leg and tickles your soul?
fire and ice and purple glow.

where can you go, pushed
by air, wind that blows
unknown and chilled by faith, with
hands full of power, burns,
sharpened blades and golden coins?

can you find it,
the half-dreamt space
beyond edges, lines so carefully drawn?
full of nothing, staring at empty nowhere -
and do you dare?

 

capability and success

So I drew these two cards yesterday morning while preparing myself to deal with something I consider deeply unpleasant. Essentially, there was a kink with my financial aid/student loan disbursement, the kind of bureaucratic issue that requires phone calls, being transferred to five different people, none of whom quite know what they are talking about, and then some running around between multiple offices. I have some issues with phone anxiety: email or other written communication I am great at, talking in person is just fine, but give me a phone and a number for someone I don't know well and I am filled with dread.

The Magician here makes an intriguing picture in part because he doesn't seem to really...care. His posture is casual, hands in pockets, almost slouchy. Not much enthusiasm at all - the color palette of the card further strengthens that impression: brownish hues, a distinct dearth of any livelier tones. Yet the tools of the suits float in front of him nonetheless, ready to be used. Perhaps this magician is not very happy with his situation, but he has the resources, the personal power and capability to deal with the situation he faces effectively.

And so it is. I may dislike doing it, but I can sound perfectly professional on the phone when I need. I can wait patiently through multiple transfers and keep my tone pleasant and polite despite my growing frustration. I can buy an additional latte to fortify myself and do the required running around. Actually, once I went back to academic coordinator of my graduate program things got a lot easier, because she is one of those people who really knows how to get things done. And so within a day the issue has been resolved, and I can say I succeeded at dealing with it.

Success yes, the much brighter and colorful six of wands. A lot of green in this card: grass in the background, leaves curled around the wands and even a green checkered cover for the horse. They move forward towards new beginnings, toward growth and development. The main figure succeeded, worked with the others, and now he can move on to other, more pleasant things.

"Scratch and Sniff" Senses Exercise

So another exercise from the Tarot Playbook: this one is called "Scratch and Sniff" and it is about engaging with a card with your senses, beyond the usual 'what do you see?' approach.

Sound

Bells - this Magician makes me think of the ringing of small bells; actually, a particular set of bells, the ones used during a Catholic mass while the priest is uh, doing the whole communion wafer ritual (I never paid attention when I went and I almost always went to church that was not in English so I don't know a lot of the proper terms for things). Bells, and chanting perhaps. The sizzle of a firecracker being lit, preparing to explode into brilliant color. The sound of a camera flash.

Smell

Incense burning. Frankincense, specifically. The smell of smoke from a just blown out scented candle. Strong smells, concentrated around the magician, the altar. Perhaps too, a splash of some kind of perfume.

Touch

The magician is exquisitely smooth: the feeling of silk, of really high thread-count bedsheets. Smooth and soft, but also cold. There is no warmth here, from the silk, no comfort. Smooth and cold so that it almost feels wet, slick, thought it is not. Cold and silky and perfectly pressed, devoid of wrinkles or creases. Like his robe, like the altar-top, polished and shined, cold metal to the touch; and his mask, too.

Taste

Wine, served chilled. Rich but not quite sweet enough to be truly tasty. Perhaps some kind of exotic liqueur, the kind the makes an impression when you pour it into a class, the kind that you have to drink slowly, rolling the taste around in your mouth and you aren't quite sure what to make of it, whether you like. A touch of anise and the way it ever so slightly burns as it goes down your throat.

Or perhaps coffee - not the kind here, in America. No, turkish coffee, or syrian coffee, whatever you want to call it. Served in tiny cups, black and incredibly bitter and strong. Thick with the grounds. You drink it in some cafe surrounded by the smell of cigarettes and shisha, vaguely nauseated but quite awake, drink the black and the grounds too, and try to ignore the aftertaste.

another tarot-prompted poem

(Needed a break from this...desperate academic writing I am still stuck doing. Another attempt at this particular exercise/idea....)




the strife

within us burned. 

we glowed, golden 

in our fury; shined
as we scratched,
sliced, fought.

higher, always
we climbed as the flame inched up.

it laughed in our belly. a mind
tickled the soles of our feet -
we tried to grow wings
but could not rise,
lacked speed.

now we dance,
fold into each other blind -

now we fly,

alight.

making your own happiness

The magician here stands before the Stonehenge, a place man-made ages ago that continues to awe and impress to this day. He points is wand upward, ready to work, to channel power from above into the earthly realm. He is ready and able to make use of all the tools at his disposal.

Next to the ten of cups, I see here a reminder of the importance of taking an active role in shaping your life, in creating that environment of comfort, fulfillment, happiness. If you simply wait for things to get better on their own, for good things to happen to you, for someone else to swoop in and fix what isn't working, you might be waiting a long time indeed.

Even more important, the magician is making reality as he conceives of it. Want and will and action. Making your own happiness isn't only about the action...it's about figuring out what you want, what that means for you. In a lot of ways, the more I think about the ten of cups, the more I question this kind of commonly portrayed representation. Is this what true happiness and satisfaction is supposed to be? A heterosexual partnership and kids, a life at home? Does that make me inadequate, if I am alone? Does that mean that a person who chooses not to have kids will never be truly fulfilled, or the person that doesn't like to settle down? At this point in my life, this image makes me feel vaguely uncomfortable. If I were this woman right now, I would not be happy. I would feel trapped, constrained, overwhelmed.

Satisfaction means different things to different people. The important thing is figuring out what will bring you closer to it, and then working towards that, whether the steps be big or small.

Manifesting the Magician

The Magician in tarot represents will, manifestation of energy. He draws inspiration from above and acts with it, makes it real down below, in the realm of the everyday. Anyone can have great ideas, but the magician is about applying your skills, your talents, your time and energy into transforming those ideas into something tangible. He holds power in his hands, esoteric, exoteric, his. He can be any one of us, all of us an none at all.

Will and action, and confidence, the ability to believe that we can, that those actions are worth taking, that we have the strength in us. More often then not, when we hesitate, when we hold back, when we give up or refuse to even try, it's not because the thing we are facing is truly impossible, that the limitation is total and external. No, it is our minds, those powerful, amazing machines, telling us: this is too hard; you aren't good enough, smart enough, strong enough, worthwhile enough. You will fail anyway. so why waste the time? And the truth is, we can only have as much power in our lives as we permit ourselves to have. We can only achieve as much as we allow ourselves to try for.

Some of my proudest accomplishments - and certainly those that are probably most impressive to others - are things I didn't really believe I could do, succeed at. The queen of swords mind told me to try anyway, the costs of doing weren't so high, I didn't have much to lose, might as well. And then, to my shock, I succeed. Not always, of course. There are failures and disappointments, plenty, but such is the way of trying, risking.

In other aspects of my life that has been harder still to do - particularly those where the outcome is only partly dependent on me, when I can't even comfort myself with the knowledge that much of the situation is in my control. The challenges I still have to overcome, even in this one aspect of my life, are complicated and plenty, but the step I took Monday...I resisted that for so many years. Irrational fears, bad past experiences, distrust, unwillingness to give someone else (what I perceived to be) power over me, a strong avoidance to admitting weakness, and most of all, a fatalistic fear that it couldn't possibly work out well anyway. For all of that, it was not, is not, a disaster.

I'm better at manifesting the Magician in some areas of my life than others. Action, doing not just thinking about doing, taking risks, trying even when you cannot help but fear that you will fail. fall down on your face. I have a kind of system that I've been using for years, that has helped me do, even when having a quite difficult time of things. I have a special to do list notebook in which I write down all of the things I must do, from minor chores and errands to major life steps. These are valued differently, but for every three small things or one major thing, I get to put a sticker on my calendar. At the start of each year I make a point of getting myself a special calendar I will enjoy, and I've started collecting pretty stickers since that makes the process funner for me. A visual representation of the action of I have managed to take, productivity.

I will continue trying to expand the ways and areas of my life where I do this, particularly if I continue to feel better, so that doing more is actually manageable, possible. Impossibility should be something that life proves to you, not something you tell yourself is true.

Weekend Follow-Up

Haven't been around here last few days, mostly because I spent my weekend having a really, really nice time at a local science-fiction and fantasy book convention with a couple of friends. I enjoyed myself more than I have in a while, and thus thought it might be useful to do a bit of a reflective reading, along the lines of:

What should I take away from my weekend experience/what should I carry forward into the week ahead.

Interesting pair of cards as an answer, here. What draws my attention particularly is the kind of dual-ended inverse nature of these images. The Magician seems less upright than usually depicted, more floating and dreaming, his tools orbiting him but not quite in his grip. The moon card in contrast, seems full of a kind of self-confident calm, more empowered than disturbed. There is a very starry, spacey theme throughout, which oddly enough is rather appropriate in certain ways.

In the Magician, perhaps, the message of taking control of what you can without that kind of need to try to control EVERYTHING; self-confidence but also a willingness to go with the flow of things, to be flexible. To take and work with what you have in front of you at any given time, but also not to be afraid to initiate, to make things you want in your life happen...I was actually a bit surprised with how comfortable socially I felt most of the weekend. It also served as a reminder of how fun it is to spend time with people who share you interest in certain activities. I've already made it a point in the last year to attend the local monthly tarot group when I can, but thinking I might try to find some local meetups for gaming (not video games, old school card and board games), perhaps some kind of book club.

The moon, on the other hand, seems a reminder of the positive aspects of connecting with creative, intuitive, dream side of myself. I have kept up with tarot work and this blog, but in terms of other creative endeavors, not much has been happening recently. I went to a writing workshop during the convention, and it reminded me of how much I used to...enjoy creative writing. I got an idea for a story that has to do with space magic and air magic, a secret society of skydivers and a search for aging former cosmonauts who may be the key to solving a crisis that is slowly unfolding... perhaps, rather than letting that idea slowly fade from my mind as I focus again on schoolwork and day to day tasks I should take the initiative of making the time to actually...write it, do something with it...

Initiative, Intuitive Creativity, Flexible confidence. Themes of the week.

hope and action, circles and spirals

"Your living is determined not so much by what life brings to you as by the attitude you bring to life; not so much by what happens to you as by the way your mind looks at what happens."
Khalil Gibran

I am reminded here of the inter-connection between these two cards: the way that it can be so hard to get started on things, to work up the motivation to take initiative and action when you feel devoid of hope; and the way sometimes, just taking to doing things can be the best way to start the process of self-empowerment, of healing and renewal.

Perspective and action, thought and carry through, tools. The Magician stands in front of a table full of them. Does he really need them all to carry out his tasks? Or does he only think he does? And how much does the virtue of their existence give him the confidence to start? The Star too, despite the nature scene, her nudity...she too has those jugs, for pouring into the stream or scooping out. What do we need to pour away? What is truly necessary to sustain us, allow us to grow, transform, fly?

The abstract notion of hope and the concrete initiative of the individual...the more I think on it, the more it seems like the ouroboros on the belt of the Magus...who can really untangle what comes first, and what last? Circles and spirals of life...

concrete/material focus

Ace of Pentacles and the Magician came up in today's draw. Interesting juxtaposition here, I think, in between the Ace, where the woman, though surrounded by nature and green and such 'earthy' symbols, is literally floating in the air, and the Magician, where the old man is rather firmly and comfortably seated in his study, surrounded by books, relics of arcane study, the like. Both of these cards talk about the mundane, material, concrete world, though they use rather different visual metaphors.

Being an Ace, I see the first card as speaking of beginning, of taking some concrete action, of working on getting some momentum going. The woman has her arms open, as if ready to embrace something new. The flowers below her and the coin in her grasp suggest that the focus of this should be in the worldly rather than the intellectual realm. And indeed, I have been...largely focused on the intellectual the last few days. Reading a few biographies, getting a bit more in the groove of working with cards, studying and studying the Arabic. Which is all fine and good, of course, but I finally actually got to organizing myself properly with a To Do List (for me QUITE helpful to actually getting things done) and it made me realize just how many more concrete things, both smaller (ie. clean out my bag) and larger (ie. bank stuff, resume stuff, loan stuff) I've been avoiding or putting off doing.

The Magician of course, can represent all kinds of concerns, but given the nature of the image here, and the pairing with this Ace, I see it as a reinforcement of the need to focus a bit on these things today as well. The Magician is, of course, very much too about personal will, motivation, ambition, and a reminder that as difficult or tedious as some of these tasks may seem, they are certainly within my power to get done if I put my mind to it.

So yes, obviously getting everything done in one day is unlikely, but the goal is definitely to get at least a few things crossed off of that list o' mine...

taking on the new

Another rather apropos draw today. As promised, posting from my new digs in Tunis. The first card is quite on point in the sense of...a journey, moving forward, pushing past the currents, and in so many ways that new shore offers so many opportunities, so much potential, so many new, unknown things to learn, to explore, to discover...and of course, behind you, all the reasons you left in the first place, still perfectly valid. And yet, the people in that boat....they don't look very excited at all, do they? The sitting figures are huddled. I suppose that is because well...the new can be difficult, until you get your bearings. All that familiar comfort, knowledge, is gone. You are walking around unfamiliar streets, needing to familiarize yourself with an unfamiliar train systems, talk in languages you aren't nearly as fluent in as your first, scavenge and hunt down stores that sell food you can actually eat, accustom yourself to very intensive classes, much moreso than you are used to even...so many unfamiliar things, hitting you all at once...and who would want to huddle down, in those circumstances?

But of course, that isn't the best solution. The six of swords is Science in the thoth, and in a way you can see how to get the spirit of that here, too. It's about being proactive about exploring the new shore, about filling in those gaps of knowledge. Think and do. Draw on all of those resources you have on the table in front of you. Ask, speak, study, walk. Get out in this new world and experience it - the best way to deal with the unfamiliar, after all, is to experience it until new familiarity develops. Confidence in yourself, that you can handle all this, and action, follow-through. Instead of dwelling on it all and letting yourself get overwhelmed, just go and take things on, one at a time.

So, officially:

So yes, I have been hinting and alluding to, but as it is a strong tendency of mine to...not like to talk about potentially exciting things too explicitly, or even much at all, until there is a real element of certainty...

I sent my deposit via wire transfer this morning and I'm in the process of figuring out/booking plane tickets, so I suppose this is pretty near-certain, now -

I am going to Tunisia. Ten weeks, from the start of June until mid August. I will be in a language school studying Arabic in Tunis. I found it myself and worked it out on my own, so its significantly cheaper than anything I could have found arranged through my school or the like. Still a bit irresponsible, in that...I am using student loans to pay for the whole thing but...

Sometimes you really just have to purse the things that call to you in life. To make things happen, to DO instead of just thinking or wishing or dreaming of doing. I am going to Tunisia, alone, so that I can study Arabic and practice French and explore and take pictures and maybe find somewhere to volunteer and yeah...

Very exciting stuff.

Sadly, there is still a LOT of things I need to take care of before I go, and not so much time to do it all. Yes yes, we know, that seems to be the story of my life lately...

Got this card twice in as many days. The message is apt. There is that mask of anxiety, of fear, of feeling so incredibly overwhelmed. But it IS a mask, something to hide behind, something I hold out in front of me like a shield.

Behind it, if I dig deep enough, there is that stubborn, stoic face. Beneath the mask of panic is the cool head that can face anything, can somehow manage to deal with all of the things that MUST be dealt with. Just need to...find the strength, and the wisdom to...remove that mask. To find the edges where it splits, where one reality separates from the next - the inner and the exterior.

Yes, it is time to find and channel the me that exists beneath that all too easy, desperate gasp of this is too much, I cannot handle this.

a bit of encouragement

So the fact that, in addition to everything else going on right now, I have an important paper due Monday for my Ethnic Conflict/Civil War class is, let's say, a bit overwhelming. I could use some advice/encouragement, so I drew a quick pair from my Thoth. Ask for encouragement and encouragement you shall receive, ha!

Yes, a positive set of cards this is. The Magus here is very apt - combining willpower and action, the spiritual with the earthly, the mind with matter. Taking all of your resources, all of your abilities, all of your ideas, and sorting them and channeling them properly. Will and mind and action, yes. Make things happen, make things work for you. Regardless of what else is going on, regardless of any obstacles and difficulties and drama and whatever, if you want something enough, if you can focus on what you need to do and actually ACT and DO it and try and put your all into it...you CAN succeed. Totally within your grasp. Success can be achieved. Real, tangible, physical, graspable success is there, waiting for you, the orange dawn color behind the rose, the star there. Star, optimism, hope, yes.

No one can do this for you. This is totally in your hands. By the same token though, no one and nothing can stop you but yourself. It's all about what action YOU choose to take. You do have the resources, just need to apply them properly. Make the most of your mind. Focus, concentrate, GO.

Duly noted, cards. Duly noted. Now off I go to try to make this message a reality ;]

An Ode to the Thoth

She painted you over the course of five years. She painted you while bombs rained down on the city of London the way that raindrops pour out of darkened clouds, soaking through everything below, earth. You were sketched, drawn, perfected as gleaming planes pierced through the skies overhead; they zoomed, heavy with incendiary disaster tucked into their bellies.

A mere twenty years ago those same planes had still been such delicate, fragile things, constructed, it seemed, of paper, sticks, cloth. They were liable to fall back down to earth at the slightest of provocation, and yet men still climbed into them – out of boldness, thirst for adventure, the need to realize that collective dream, old as humanity itself, of flight, of dancing into the skies. Remember the myth of Daedalus, flying too close to the sun? Now men could soar, fly across oceans and continents, race, meet time limits, set records, go further and faster than ever before...

But they had evolved by the time she painted you. Now they were plated with metal hulls and painted with bravado, the slogans of war. They spit bullets and dropped payloads on cities by night and by day; they fought each other among the clouds, shooting and crashing down. The men inside of them died and new men appeared to take their place. Smoke and ash, the newest dimension of war.

She painted you, mindful of HIS direction. She painted three Magi – again and again until finally the one that captured the proper essence appeared. She painted careful lines, geometric forms, colors laden with meaning, esoteric significance, thought. She painted you boldly and brightly among blackouts, among rubble and deaths and air raid sirens’ shrill blares.

She painted you through global disaster and now, decades later, I hold you, shuffle, set cards down on black bedspread. Now you lead me, push, through my own life-disaster, so insignificant in the grand scheme of everything, and yet, nonetheless: keep going you tell me, keep moving forward and faster.

*And yes, I am aware that this is not the 'final' version of the Magus, but it is the one that I like best, personally

drawing for the day/extrapolated life lesson

I was pretty sure of what I wanted to do today, but after hearing a certain comment from someone, did start wondering just a bit. So decided to draw a few cards this morning, before going out and about with my day. There was two ways I thought to interpret these, so decided to see how the day played out, and I did, and afterwards I have this to say...

Life is short, relatively speaking. Years when you are healthy enough and mobile and free are even briefer. If there is something you want to do, something you know is within your abilities and means, something that you know will make you happier, more fulfilled, more satisfied with yourself or with life...go for it. Just do it. Do what you need to do - save up, make the plans, do the legwork, gather up the courage. If you can imagine it, if you can get it down to tangible specifics...just do it.

Forget what people might say to you, even people you are close to, people you care about. If you know it doesn't actually HURT other people, and you know that YOU will like it, YOU will be happy with it...just do it. Forget about potential conflict. Forget about what people may think of you, judgement, disapproval. Life is short, and living it to please others is not worth the sacrifice if doing so makes you unhappy. Life is short, and it can be difficult and miserable and trying...don't give up so easily on things that make it better for you.

If you can imagine it, dream it, and if you can conceptualize those dreams into a tangible, realistically obtainable reality...just do it. Don't push it off until later, until one day, until maybe this or maybe that...sometimes it really is better to just apologize afterwards than to ask permission beforehand. Especially if the pleasure it brings you far outweighs, objectively speaking, the displeasure it may cause anyone else. People who might judge your choices aren't living in your skin. You are. If it will fulfill you, just do it.

Just do it, and enjoy it. Enjoy every moment of the experience. Hang onto that feeling. Hang onto it afterwards, and let the words of others, if they really do come, slide off of you. Be polite of course, be nice. If you don't like conflict, perhaps even be discreet so as to avoid it. Hang onto that feeling, let it fill your soul, and it will be worth it.

My Favorite Majors: The Magician

So continuing on with this whole little excercise/series thing. Next up is the Magician, card number one in the major arcana. Funny thing about this one: in going through my decks and trying to decided which cards to choose...I realized that, though this is actually one of the majors I feel most comfortable with, it's not a card that tends to stand out. Like, none of the Magician cards in my most favorite decks tend to stand out to me, and it actually took me a lot of browsing through my decks to find the two Magician cards I thought best represented the concepts and appealed to me visually...

Without further ado/tl;dr then...

I. Magician

Favorite:

I made a very concerted effort to procure this deck when I was in Sweden, as I'd admired the art for a while and the chance to have a real Swedish edition with Swedish language subtitles certainly appealed. To be honest, other than giving it a much-needed trim, haven't gotten around to reading much with the deck yet. However, be that as it is, this Magician really really does appeal to me. I love the art style of this deck overall, and I feel this card does a great job in incorporating some of the traditional RWS aspects of the Magician card (body position, alter etc) with its own style and just...the lightening, the animal symbolism, the pentacles on the garment, just the general atmosphere of this card...

I look at it and I can FEEL the power of this Magician, that sense of taking control, getting things done by force of will, self-realization. It's really a great representation of the major, methinks. Also, the colors and just the exotic feel of this, which is really this deck throughout...very nice.

Runner Up:

I kind of suprised myself in choosing this as the runner up best Magician. The Fey is another deck I've gotten, trimmed, but haven't worked with much yet. I like it: it's light-hearted, fun, pretty. But...I really didn't expect it to be the source of a FAVORITE card, to be honest. This one though...It's not super traditional, to be sure, but...that's kind of what makes it work so well for me. It's a bit of a different aspect of the Magician: here he is, confident in his powers, his showy ability, look what I can do - that kind of arrogance that comes with precociousness. He's experimenting on mice, living creatures, and while yes, it does show how talented he is...it also shows the limitations of the Magician. It is, after all, number one in the arcana, the begining of the journey. There's a certain selfishness to this card, the charlatan aspects, willingness to decieve, a self-centered outlook that limits what he can achieve: he isn't thinking about the effect of his magic on the mice, doesn't consider whether what he is doing is ethical. He just goes. Has he considered all the consequences, what could go wrong?

In other words, this could open up a lot of deep/interesting interpretations in a reading. Also, the art, like the rest of the deck, is quirky, fun, appeals to the childish fantasy-lover in me, so yes. This be my second pick. :]

3 Day Draw

So I'm really not the type of person that does daily draws. Too much...routine and habit required. Also for me at least, I don't find it necessary to reflect on a card every day. Some days I need a reading, much longer than a card, some day I need nothing, etc.

Got the idea for this, though, so decided to give it a go. 3 day draw spread/reading. Why do three days of daily draws when you can get em all out of the way at once? Essentially, this goes:

Yesterday - Today - Tomorrow

With a card for each to give you something to reflect on, some advice, perhaps some predictive tidbit, perhaps not, whatever. So here it goes, using the Spanish tarot again:

Yesterday -
When I think about it, yes, there was kind of a bunch of Magician type themes to things yesterday. I had an Arabic exam in the morning which I hadn't properly studied for so had to wing it with my pre-existing abilities, knowledge, skill etc (think I did ok with that xD). Then later got called out (though at what I in retrospect think was a bad time and context, thus ineffective/counterproductive) on the degree to which certain issues of mine are me not trying, not having enough will to change/take action, etc. Good question to ponder, overall/nonetheless, and this card came up reversed in another interesting reading just recently in future position so...yeah. Finally, had a funny conversation at night with roommate, at her instigation, in which I (with some reluctance) discussed a certain aspect of my life in this funny way...in which I didn't say anything at all that wasn't perfectly true, but presented it all in such a way that the reality of what happened/how I went about things/who I am in that regard came of QUITE differently than is actually the case. Charlatan magician indeed... Also, Magician, with that ONE number, has always struck me as alone in the I don't need anyone I can do this all on my own way in one aspect of things and during the convo that was also a theme. You see, apparently it is unsafe to go out with people you dont know well/to places you are unfamiliar with and not tell anyone where you are going. To me, though, I VERY much prefer things that way. It feels free, life as an adventure, not tied down with oh by the way i am going here...and yeah, that's probably a mix of Fool and Magician tendencies but, yanno.

Today -
Interesting that this comes up again. Have my final exam to take, essays by email, at ten this morning. And here a card of synthesis, of needing to pull things together - pull myself together, pull my thoughts and ideas together, perhaps pull ideas together from two or more of the readings to answer whatever the prompts will be.
Also, after that...have been leaning towards excepting someone's offer to uh...spend time together later today. Seeing this as a go ahead card for that idea. Why not? Shall see how that goes then...
The two bird heads at the top of this card do look less than pleased with each other. I wonder what that could mean...

Tomorrow  -
Free, free at last! Of school stuff that is, of the obligation hanging over head to be good studious girly, study work hard page. Doing something perhaps unwise, impractical...though not sure if this is a warning or advice to let loose. Perhaps a bit of both. Do something silly, but not too much so. Mary K Greer's Tarot Reversal, which I just consulted, also mentions health...less than healthy actions, less than healthy mental or physical states...which wouldn't surprise me either. So basically both a warning, advice...balance of the positive and negative to keep in mind.


Shall see how things play out, I guess. Also interesting to look at these three as a whole. Interesting times theme to the weekend indeed...

Trying out "5W's and an H"

So before even creating this here blog, while lurking around the various corners of the internet, sometimes I'd run across cool exercises and activities to do with tarot...

This one, called 5W's and an H is from the lovely Tarot Notes blog of Zanna Starr. I love experimenting intellectually and engaging with tarot in different ways, so this was def one I've been a wanting to play with. Zanna gives the directions as this:

"For the 5W's and an H exercise, we use one Tarot card to answer the questions Who? What? When? Where? Why? and How? As an additional requirement, each answer can be only one phrase or sentence. The idea is to respond intuitively, without a lot of description or explanation."

For my purposes, because I am verbose, I'm giving myself permission, this time, to go on longer than just the phrase or sentence. Also, because I like using it, this shall all be in the second person :0

Silicon Dawn - The Magician

Who?
You are fucking READY. You can do this. Take over the world. You have all you need: the suits for working your magic; the masks for telling the lies you need to tell; your keyboard, because where else would you start but online, that vast kingdom of incomprehensible power; and sweet, sweet coffee. You'll have your way soon enough, because you have vision, because you are perfectly comfortable with yourself, because you KNOW exactly what you want and how to get it, and if anyone disapproves of your methods or goals - well, that's silly sad for them, now isn't it?

What?
Working your magic. Gathering up the tools of your trade, the things that make you powerful. Channeling your energies, channeling your wants into concrete things. Using the things you are so good at to achieve. Not letting anyone or anything get in your way - obstacles, after all, can always be outsmarted. Your own ability, skill, talent, and drive. A focus on you, you, you - center of everything.

When?
Whenever you want. When you feel that the time is right. When you are ready. No need to rush things, to be premature, to start before you have everything you need. Make yourself that cuppa first, dig through your closet to find that perfect hat. But once it is time, once you start, do not lift those fingers from the keyboard - do not hesitate, go as far as that momentum will take you, allow the magic to flow out into the world.

Where?
In your little corner of the world, the place you call your own, where your trinkets are, where your powerful things are set up, the place you know every inch of as well as your own body. And also, in turn, everywhere - that ephemeral network of digits and code, waves of sound or light or energy or data spinning through the air unseen, taking your words in an instant to someone halfway across the world, pervading everywhere you go and yet unseen, invisible. Work your magic here and watch the effects unfold in a place you've never been and will never go to.

Why?
Because it's what you want. Because you have the power, and what exactly would be the point of developing all that skill if you aren't going to use it for something useful. Because sometimes the little deceptions and obfuscations just roll of the tongue without you realizing it. Because this is who you are. Because you have something to prove to yourself, and the world.

How?
With a smirk and a grin and a cheeky sarcastic comment as your go. With supreme confidence and a steely grit, sipping that coffee and typing and typing however long it takes. With the ability, the vision, the creativity needed to synthesize everything: the magic of the swords and pentacles and wands, of chants, and the lies you can tell so well, the masks you wear anytime you need to without compunction, with technology and a shrug of your shoulders. Alone, because that is how you roll.