harmony and discipline

So decided to do one more draw before switching back to a regular 78 card tarot deck, a bit experimental in taking one card from my Mix Deck and one card from the Oracle of the Radiant Sun and reading them together.

We have here the Emperor, in rather classic form, sitting in profile on a throne, with a scepter of power in hand, a shield at his foot engraved with the emblem of a majestic bird. I like the color palette on this card, I must say - primary, essentially, and yet with just enough tone and shade to be interesting. A bit of a stark image here, but it gets across the essentially message - this is a man who is powerful, authoritative, organized, disciplined.

In contrast, the man in the Harmony card is naked, laying about casually in a bush of flowers, playing with a flock or birds which flies through the sky between the man and the bright sun above. Sun and Libra makes perfect sense for the concept of Harmony, for how best to get it if not through balanced, measured, moderate approach combined with a positive and optimistic attitude and the energy to follow through?

Sometimes, when situations challenge us, that kind of balanced, positive attitude requires self-discipline, strength of will. And so we see that these cards are not, in fact, all that opposed to each other at all. Harmony, nice as it is to be able to experience, doesn't just *happen* on its own. We can make it or we can break it, as it were, depending on our own attitudes and approach to things. I've been a close witness to several incidents this week that illustrate this especially. Sometimes the people around us take liberties, or push our buttons, or fly off the handle for no good reason; sometimes we may be tempted to quibble about little things, to insist on getting our way, to refuse to compromise even a bit on pride or principle.

Of course that option is always there; to me, the question is more - but is it worth it? Is it worth it to get your way in one particular situation if it means making your relationship with someone more conflicted in the long term? Is it worth the negative feelings it will engender? If someone screams at you or otherwise fails to act like a mature and reasonable adult, it may be tempting to scream right back - but is it worth it to escalate the situation, when remaining calm might, instead, diffuse it that much faster? Is it worth it to hold onto so much negative feeling when you could instead take that deep breath and see how much of that you can just...let go of?

A lot of these things aren't necessarily anyone's first instinct, and that is where the Emperor comes in handy. The self-discipline to think before you speak, react. The self-discipline to look at the bigger picture - not just how am I interacting with X today but how much will I have to interact with X in the future and what kind of relationship do I want that to be? The discipline to do the mature, balanced, fair thing even if you have to be the first (or only) person doing so.

Those birds that connect the naked man to the bright, warm sun didn't come to him out of nowhere. He had to build up that trust, that connection, bit by bit. The discipline needed to create your own little bubble of harmony, regardless of what is going on around you or what other people do.

hope and action, circles and spirals

"Your living is determined not so much by what life brings to you as by the attitude you bring to life; not so much by what happens to you as by the way your mind looks at what happens."
Khalil Gibran

I am reminded here of the inter-connection between these two cards: the way that it can be so hard to get started on things, to work up the motivation to take initiative and action when you feel devoid of hope; and the way sometimes, just taking to doing things can be the best way to start the process of self-empowerment, of healing and renewal.

Perspective and action, thought and carry through, tools. The Magician stands in front of a table full of them. Does he really need them all to carry out his tasks? Or does he only think he does? And how much does the virtue of their existence give him the confidence to start? The Star too, despite the nature scene, her nudity...she too has those jugs, for pouring into the stream or scooping out. What do we need to pour away? What is truly necessary to sustain us, allow us to grow, transform, fly?

The abstract notion of hope and the concrete initiative of the individual...the more I think on it, the more it seems like the ouroboros on the belt of the Magus...who can really untangle what comes first, and what last? Circles and spirals of life...

Contemplating the Hermit...

I decided to do a slightly more focused draw today - asking the deck for a card with a message I need to ponder, contemplate, focus on right now.

The Hermit came up, and that strikes me as rather appropriate, all things considered. We have a rather straightforward image here, the robed old man with a lantern and a cane, moving forward, lighting his own way. His robe is golden, illuminated by the lamp it seems, which is a nice touch, and the shape of the cane brings to mind a serpent image, association with Hermits in more detailed decks - Thoth especially comes to mind for me.

The Hermit is fine, comfortable with being alone, with making his own illumination:, self-learning, self-wisdom, self-guidance. Sometimes we need that space, wrapped up in ourselves, in our own cloaks and robes and personal bubble, using our own tools and resources.

Appropriate this is, because I have been feeling a bit odd in recent days about the fact that I have been kind of isolating myself from others in my language school. On the one hand, I mostly feel comfortable with this, getting things done on my own time, seeing to my personal priorities. On the other hand, I feel like by avoiding people I am somehow depriving myself of opportunities I should be taking advantage of. I do have a tendency to over-isolate myself sometimes, and I am aware of that - aware of the need to get out of comfort zone and be social, the fact that sometimes that really turns out for the best. How to balance the push and pull?

The thing is, a lot of my self-isolation in this case is due to differing priorities. By and large, the others here are a few years younger than me...not a huge age difference, but in a way it does feel significant. Different priorities. For me, learning as much Arabic as I can is very, very important. I try to use any free time - on the train, waiting around for something - to study and review, because free time is precious. I try to listen to radio and watch Arabic news clips and just expose myself as much as I can. Coming from this kind of place, the prospect of sitting around with casual friends and acquaintances, not really doing much, not really talking about anything in particular is just...not very appealing, much of the time. So perhaps, in this context, being a bit of a Hermit is only natural, and useful for my purposes.

I decided to also pull a pair of cards from my Oracle of the Radiant Sun deck to add some nuance/shading to this reading. The two that come up...Principle and Discovery. The Sagittarius influence across both strikes me: that positive, optimistic, active drive forward, the energy and push which kind of characterizes how I feel about striving to learn all that I can. Principle, about staying true to what is important to me, about building on those internal foundations to achieve what I want. And Discovery...the fact that just being here is amazing to me, an adventure. The littlest things here fill me with joy...overhearing two women chatting and understanding a bit, walking past the Presidential palace on the way home from school, the edifying experience of struggling to be understood by a store clerk, experimenting with making my own vegan version of local foods for dinner.

I shouldn't isolate myself constantly, of course, but keeping to myself more is not necessarily a bad thing, if I am doing so for the right reasons, if I am making sure to pursue what is important to me in my own way. The important thing is to act in a way that will ensure that, when I look back on this experience, I will be satisfied with the way I took advantage of everything.

striving for balance, moderation

Both of these really drive home the message today: the need for a balanced approach to things. I was reflecting last night on a draw and on my day, about how I got so little done because I got so stuck on one thing, and just general lack of balance in my life these days and then...these two cards, this morning...

I like some of the little details here...the feet of the angel in the Temperance card, which almost look like little demon paws, showing a possible way to merge, to synthesize various aspects of yourself, the better and those that are more difficult; the wild hair too, seems to indicate that everything doesn't necessarily have to be just so in a balanced approach - its about the broad strokes, making the effort. A winding path in the background leads to a crown, the success that can come from getting things together and under control. In the Justice card we see a meeting...balancing individual needs with obligations to others, your own judgement of things with more communal judgement...balance in terms of not isolating myself as much I have a tendency to do, perhaps...

Have been trying to keep this message in mind today and as a result, even though it's still only early afternoon, the day has already been more productive. I spent the morning baking homemade vegan granola bars in an attempt to be more balanced/healthy with my eating habits during the day. I studied some, also worked on my own Arabic writing project some, dealt with some loan and bill things I needed to get done, and made some progress in job searching - not much progress, to be honest, but more than I've managed to do thus far.

Moderation, balance in small ways, in every day life. Trying not to get so focused or caught up in one thing - good or bad - that so many others slip through my fingers, time flying, me wondering what the hell happened to the day...

Introducing the Mix Deck!

So this week I am working with something a bit different again... (actually working with two decks, this and the Oracle of the Radiant Sun, but focusing on the more interesting one in this post)... a self-made, majors-only Mix Deck!

I may or may not have mentioned this deck in this blog before. Basically, when I was visiting relatives in Sweden last summer, I made my way to a large, awesome new age store in Stockholm. They had a nice selection of decks, but since I'd already gotten one at a new age store in a different city, and my funds were limited, I decided to forgo another. Instead, my attention was draft to a large bin of spare cards in the corner. They were one kroner each and seemed to come from many, many decks. So I spent the next two or three hours obsessively digging through it until I found one of each major, except for Death, which the bin apparently did not contain (I'm guessing that was a popular card to grab, ha).

When I got home, someone nice from Aeclectic sent me a spare Death card they had, thus completing my majors. However, I still wasn't quite satisfied, as there were a few repeats - two cards from the same deck and whatnot. Over time, with the help of some more AT members, that has been corrected, and I now have a majors only deck that has each card from a different deck. I did some trimming to get them to a more uniform size, and voila!

This is the only majors only deck I currently own, (though depending on how reading with this goes for me, I may consider getting a few more in the future...) and rather looking forward to seeing how working with it will be. I call it my Mix Deck...I'd actually like to give it a better name than that, but no ideas have come to mind thus far. If anyone has any suggestions, feel free to share!

So yeah, will be working with deck, sometimes paired with the aforementioned oracle, trying out new things :]