My Favorite Majors: The World

So, here we are: end of the line, last of the majors to pick favorites for. I've really enjoyed going through each of them one by one, picking the cards I liked most from my collection, pondering why it was that those were the ones I enjoyed most. Also, interestingly enough, posts from this series seem to be, by far, the most often viewed ones on this blog :0

Anyway, yes, the World - a card of success and completion and fulfillment, journeys coming to an end. A lot of decks tend to hew to the same basic concept illustrated in both RWS and TdM, though with their own various takes on it. In general, its not a card I have many qualms with in most decks, though also...rarely a favorite.

I had trouble choosing two out of the three I narrowed down my selection to - and well, since this IS the last card in the series, figured what the hell, I can break my two card rule for a second (and last!) time ;]

XXI. World

Favorite:
Of all the many deck-variations on the traditional image of the woman inside the large wreath of accomplishment, I've long been very much partial to this one. I love the dynamic, sensual energy of it: the woman here isn't just standing there, but rather, seems to be dancing, celebrating. The feeling of acceptance, of confidence, of completions, success - all of that seems to be here, much more so than in other cards with similar imagery. Looking at this card, I can feel the meaning it is supposed to be representing.

Of course, the lovely use of color here certainly doesn't hurt. As my previous posts in this series probably have already made clear, I am very much a color-oriented person. The use of the yellow-gold as a background here works really well especially. Love the details in the wreath, the animals, and of course those pillars which surround all of the majors in this deck. Stained glass effect works wonderfully here.

Runners Up:
As for these two, I couldn't quite decide between them because...they are so very DIFFERENT, and yet, both have aspects to them I really like. For the Aquarian World card - well, it definitely does not have the kind of wild, dynamic energy I see in the other two, but makes up for that with...well, I must admit, I have long been very much a fan of art-nouveau and art-deco, and the application of those to this card, done so thoroughly, with such lovely thematic consistency and attention to detail...I just love it. The color scheme is lovely too - not one you see very often, but more striking because of it. I particularly enjoy how it has all the basic aspects of the RWS but...re-done, re-imagined, stylized so nicely.

As for the Thoth...I've written about this World card before, more than once. I really do love it. Naked woman of gold dancing with a snake and all that it can represent - oroboros, beginnings and ends; she is dynamic, the universe opening up quite literally behind her, intimate and public all at once. Stars, the outline of ancient structures...and that, all of that, is only the surface level of the card, my own intuition - how much more to read about, dig deeper in the other layers that the Thoth deck has to offer...yes, a worthwhile take indeed.

Judgement-Call Time

I quite like this take on Judgement. Instead of the very traditional RWS "Last Judgement" image of the angel calling folks out of their graves we simply have a cloaked figure blowing the trumpet boldly. There is a lot of orange in this card - the sun, rising up from behind the clouds. Dawn colors here. We see a new day about to begin. In front of the figure, also, we see flowers blossoming, blooming, showing that new things aren't always huge big picture changes but also the more pedestrian details, sitting there in front of you.

Judgement asks that you make that call. Take the action, make the decision about what is right, what you will do, which way to go. It asks that you take the future into your own hands.

I have trouble with this kind of thing, with making decisions of any sort, be they large or small. For example, this is my last reading with the Aquarian for now. Planning on switching to another deck for a week or two, tomorrow. But which one? I cannot decide. Go back and forth over it. I know it doesn't really matter, and for me, this kind of indecision is almost never really about being afraid of choosing wrong. I simply just cannot...pick, sometimes.

On bigger issues too, this is relevant, especially now. I have a lot of decisions to make in the near future, judgement calls. Do I try to stay in the same apartment for another year and deal with the issues I have with it, or go through all the trouble of finding somewhere new? Which of the two major options, both of which have serious opportunity costs, drawbacks as well as benefits, do I go with for my summer plans? What do I do next fall? Small decisions and very large ones abound.

With some things, I really wish I could talk to someone about things. For the indecisive person, having external input, validation, or even letting someone else make a decision for you can be so NICE...and yet, sometimes there isn't anyone knowledgeable and/or interested enough to talk to. Sometimes you've already gotten what input or advice the people that care have for you, and ultimately the rest is in your hands. You want facts and figures and exact research and instead you just have...a vague gut feeling, your own logic, reason and judgement to go by. Only that.

This card, I think, is a reminder of the fact that the time for making those choices, for figuring out which options and opportunities to pursue, is fast approaching. Many of these decisions of mine, especially the larger ones, are time-sensitive. I simply cannot go on dallying, weighing pros and cons and thinking in circles for very much longer. Sometimes you just need to be brave, be bold. Go on a limb. Choose what seems best, swallow your doubts, and let your breath become sound, become momentum, that rising sun...

Inconsequential little reading

So I realize I don't actually post proper 'readings' here all that often...decided to type up a small one I just did for myself about a rather a rather inconsequential (in the grand scheme of things) question:

"Should I just go ahead and purchase that eReader I've been considering, now?"

Using a simple Why Yes | Why No | Answer/Advice Spread:

Why Yes

I have, as of late, become a bit infatuated with the idea of getting an eReader. For YEARS I was very resistant, because I really LIKE paper books. But recently I realized that hey, I already have a bunch of eBooks that I read on PC Kindle program anyway, some for school and some books that were cheap on amazon, seemed kind of interesting, but not enough so to get in paper form, and yeah. These days, eReaders have become inexpensive, and getting one does not actually mean I have to give up getting paper books. What it does mean is that when I travel, I can bring one or two paper books with me, and another 4, 5, 6 or so on my eReader, and thus have plenty of options with less of a physical burden. So yes, I've been seeing more of a "partnership" for me with an eReader, and because I tend to get obsessive researchy when I know I want something, been spending/wasting too much time reading up on options, deciding what I'd like, reading up on THAT some more, putting the one I want in and out of my Amazon cart, etc. The fact that my parents were nice enough to give me some money when I visited them for Easter makes it even more tempting....

Why No

This actually perfectly sums up my hesitation. See, any way you look at it, this device is not something I NEED. And, other than my two money-wasting indulgences of tarot card decks and Starbucks, I actually have a bit of a problem convincing myself to make purchases, especially larger ones, that I cannot justify with necessity. I've gone this long without one, why spend the money when I can go on doing without? What if I don't end up using it as much as I think I will? My financial situation isn't exactly stellar - I should be more conservative here.

I'm also a bit concerned that if I go ahead and order it NOW, it might interfere with/distract me from things I need to get done for school in the next few weeks. There is, in fact, several ways that it could help - books for one of my classes that I have in ebook form, plus some research for my presentations/papers that might end up being easier to procure in that form also -  but there is also the chance that I might not have the self control to dive into pleasure reading at a time when I really need to focus on academic reading/research...

Answer/Advice
(with clarifier)

Ok, so what I'm pretty sure this is telling me is that I am essentially turning this fairly small issue into that great ol' trap of OVERTHINKING. I tend to do this a lot, cause myself all kinds of grief and stress by thinking and thinking about things that really don't necessitate all that much thought. I do feel trapped in that....until I decide one way or the other - yes, I'm getting the damned thing, or no, I am going to refrain - the possibility keeps coming to mind. I keep considering it, going back to those websites, going over the same pro and con list over and over again as if weighing those for the fifth time is going to lead to some kind of magical epiphany...

Like the lady in that card, I am keeping myself stuck in a situation that really doesn't need to be a trap at all. Make a choice, use one of those EIGHT swords to cut off the binding, and be on your merry way, already. The world is not going to end, and I am not going to be either miserable or bankrupt, regardless of which option I go with.

That said, the clarifier, the 9 of cups, seems to suggest I go for it. As long as I don't overdo it, as long as I keep the Temperance card in mind and don't go on FANTASY BOOK BINGE when I know I have serious things to get done, what's the harm? My parents gave me some money because they were feeling generous and wanted me to get or do something to enjoy myself. These devices are HARDLY super expensive these days (I've er, spent more on one or two of the decks in my collection >.>) and it will bring some small increase of pleasure to my life. What's the point of living, really, if you deny yourself so many things that might make you happier, even if they are in fact, not strictly necessary? Both extremes of rampant materialism and severe asceticism are less than ideal. Buying the most expensive model of every shiny new thing that comes out? Not the best way to go, no doubt. Taking advantage of the fact that you are fortunate enough to be in a position to allow yourself some small luxury? Pretty sure that's okay :]

what possibility is

Possibility. That moment: you stand at the edge of something new, feel the wind on your face, a taste of so much more out there, waiting. Possibility is standing on the rooftop of an unfamiliar city, with so much in front of you, everything so close and yet so small. It is the moment that the plane you are on takes off into the sky, and you can see everything below, the ground you were just standing on, get smaller and smaller until finally there is nothing but clouds and you know that you are really going somewhere else and this excites you.

It is at once wildly exciting and desperately frustrating. There is so much that you want to see, that you want to do, that you want to learn. Looking out at the world, at the future, at what exists beyond the horizon, still out of view...there is so much that captures your imagination, your curiosity. And at the same time you know that it is an impossibility that you will ever get to do ALL of those things, SEE all of those places, LEARN all that you would like to know. Even if you were perfectly healthy, perfectly motivated and energetic, and even if money was no problem, even then it would be impossible to do all of it in one lifetime. And when reality is more constraining still?

You want to travel to dozens of different countries on so many different continents. You want to see with your own eyes the wonders man has created and the places where the atrocities he committed occurred. You wish that you could learn enough to really be fluent in five or six different languages, three different alphabets. You want to do work that would challenge you, that would force you to research and write and write and more hands on than that too, to directly help. You want to go skydiving again. You want to go para-sailing. You have a list of dozens and dozens of books you want to read, to absorb. You want to try painting again. You want to try ceramics again. You want to write some interesting stories, some more poems. You want to take more pictures, pretty ones. You want to see and touch and stand inside building and monuments constructed in all the styles of architecture that so fascinate you. You want to experiment with vegan cooking; you want to actually be capable of enjoying it. You want to get more tattoos and sail on a submarine and volunteer.

There is so much to want, to see, staring out into that distance between the three rods. Dreams and possibilities that a blur into each other until all you can see is a great expanse of shining white light. Sometimes it inspires you. Sometimes you stare into it and cannot help but want to cry. So little, and so much, there, in front of you.

Relaxation & Worry

So, first of all...this is my 101st post! I didn't quite realize last time that I'd hit 100, but now that I have, I think it's pretty cool. It feels like I just started this blog, back in December, unsure if I'd be able to keep this one active and...here we are, so far, so good. :]

Anyway, I drew these cards this morning and again, I think they really speak quite clearly/aptly about this weekend especially. First we have the four of wands. I really love how the suit of wands is handled in the Aquarian deck - the detail on the wands is just really nice, and the color palette of this suit especially really pleases me. But anyway, we have the traditional RWS image, and the meaning of...accomplishment, comfort, home, safety. Which, I ended up going back to NYC to visit my parents, and though I wasn't super enthusiastic about the trip, it is nice in a way to be here. It's a bit of space, some distance, and a sense of having a bit of a break and relaxation. I had a nice morning of playing with my cat, who I really do miss, and my mother is making me some tofurkey for holiday dinner, which is nice of her, and yes. A nice 'home' type feeling, to some degree.

On the other hand, we also have the nine of swords, which...that kind of anxiety has kind of been the story of my week. Stress and anxiety. It kind of really hit me the other day that I have two research papers, a third memo, two group presentations, and one individual presentation that I have to all get done by the end of the month and just...combined with reading, arabic study, etc...it's a lot. I cannot help but worry if I will be able to get it done, and well enough. And the fact that I haven't solidified/made any real plans for the summer after all that is done...worry about that too. So yes, a combination of relaxing and worrying is very much how I feel right now. Balance I suppose - a bit of the good, a bit of the bad. You muddle your way through as best you can.

And I really do like the colors and the art deco style of this deck...

some progress!

So this morning I finally managed to find the time/get my shite together enough to go to the first come first serve emergency clinic at the dental school of one of the local universities. After, you know, ignoring constant, sometimes intense tooth pain/headache for WEEKS...

It went surprisingly well. Not all taken care of - I need a root canal, which they are supposed to call me to schedule, but they did to a procedure to 'stabilize' the pain for now. Dunno, it still hurts a lot, but I'm going to give it a few days since these kinds of things tend to take a bit for body to adjust to the new status quo...

In any case though, this is PROGRESS. I actually made some real concrete movement in the right direction. I went across town, found the clinic, sat my turn, got into the system...things have been set in motion. That's really quite often the biggest problem for me...setting things in motion. And, being logical-minded, this turns into cycles of frustration because I KNOW exactly what I ought to be doing, and see how I am failing to do it, and yet...

But I went, swiftness, moving forward, moving onto better things. This card was at the center of a larger three card spread, and I feel in and of itself it really encompasses the crux of the day. Also, must say, artistically I really like it. The color palette of the Aquarian tarot is just lovely, and I really like the detail on the heads of those moving rods. A very nice RWS clone indeed.

Who Do I Want To Be?

A simple draw to try to answer a question that randomly popped into my head...

(The first card was reversed; posting in normally because I don't like posting cards upside-down on the blog, for some reason.)

I want to be the person who does not fail at things, regardless of circumstances. I want to be the person who multi-tasks the hell out of everything, the person who juggles, compartmentalizes and makes it all work, somehow. I do, in fact, have a certain tendency to commit myself to more things than I know I will be able to handle without difficulty, and then go through great lengths and stress to get it all done because the idea that I might not get something done, may have to admit defeat in that way...terrifies me. Even admitting that no, I cannot take that on at this time, it is too much for me, is difficult. I want to be the person who can juggle many commitments, and when it turns out sometimes that I cannot, that I did in fact drop that ball on something...that, already, I cannot help but perceive as a defeat.

When defeat or failure is inevitable, I want to be a person who can handle it gracefully. The person that doesn't mope or complain or hold it against the person, if there is one, who got the best of me. I want to be the person who can take it in stride, without unnecessary negative emotion. I want to to be kind of person who can smile, say "well, you win some, you lose some," and really mean it. I want to learn from my mistakes while also being able to keep it all in perspective. I want to be the kind of person who can pick it all up and try again, and again if need be. If I must fail, I would rather it be because I tried to do too much, and not because I did not have enough ability.

I want to be able to move on from failures and defeats easily, to just let those things go and not dwell. I want to be able to glimpse infinity, to really see how each end is in its own way a new beginning, to see not closed doors in front of me but possibilities for something new, something different. I want to have many options, ideas before me, so that if one doesn't work out I have several more things in the air I can turn to instead. If I am winning, I want to similarly be able to do so without causing someone else unnecessary difficulties.

This isn't, any of it, about others, about how I am perceived. I just want to be able to juggle the many things I am interested in, the many things I would love to do, and succeed at them enough to satisfy my own expectations and dreams.

starting off a new deck with some quotes

(It's kind of interesting to do this with two cards taken together instead of the one...)

"A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams."

- John Barrymore

“I wished the dream were real, and this reality a dream. But that wasn't the case. And that was why, whenever I woke up, I'd be crying. It wasn't because I was sad. When you return from a happy dream to sad reality, there's a chasm you have to step across, and you can't cross it without shedding tears. It doesn't matter how many times you do it.” 
- Kyoichi Katayama

“Don't be pushed by your problems. Be led by your dreams.”
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

My Favorite Majors: The Lovers

Well, this is a major I like well enough, kind of because of what it means: oh sure, there are lovers on the card, and sure it can mean that, but it can also mean (and in my reading more often does mean) something relating to choice, to decision. Choices and decisions, as anyone who knows me well can attest, are soooo not my forte, ha.

That said, in terms of this major, I couldn't help but choose my favorites based pretty much solely on the 'oh, pretty!' factor...

VI. Lovers

Favorite:
What can I say? The Aquarian has a very pretty lovers card. I LOVE the art nouveau influences here. I love the little nuances of color: the shading of their hair at the ends, for example. The color palette is very nice, and in line with the rest of the deck. I love the effect of the stark white background as contrast. It really makes the rest of the image pop. The figures definitely have a kind of 70's look to them. Not super symbolism heavy, obviously, but very easy on the eyes. :]


Runner Up:
Like the Aquarian, this one, from the Crystal/Vetro tarot, is also just....aesthetically very very nice. As is that deck as a whole - an "art deck" to be sure, but oh what art it is! The palette of this card is quite different, which makes for interesting contrast places side by side with the Aquarian lovers like this. Lots of green here, which in my mind makes lots of sense with the theme of this card - it's spring, things are growing, sprouting up, and these lovers are choosing to be together. I really like the composition of this card - the lovers off to the side a bit, so you can see the background, the tree behind them, that lovely sun back there in the sky...love the color contrast of their clothes too. Again, image-wise....its just so PRETTY, ha.