One Art, Indeed

One Art by Elizabeth Bishop

The art of losing isn't hard to master;
so many things seem filled with the intent
to be lost that their loss is no disaster,

Lose something every day. Accept the fluster
of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

Then practice losing farther, losing faster:
places, and names, and where it was you meant
to travel. None of these will bring disaster.

I lost my mother's watch. And look! my last, or
next-to-last, of three loved houses went.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster,
some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.
I miss them, but it wasn't a disaster.

- Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture
I love) I shan't have lied. It's evident
the art of losing's not too hard to master
though it may look like (Write it!) like a disaster.

Today, a cell phone - another unexpected expense; a bunch of pictures from Tunisia - my last day, last sunset, the women's protest, gone. Possibly also my camera's memory card - the vast majority of the pictures I took there, had not gotten around to backing up because I kept forgetting...my ability to take pictures with aforementioned camera until I spend yet more money on a replacement...

And once, long ago there was a medical professional who actually listened to me and said, agreed, that there really might be something with my brain, the constantly forgetting, losing things, losing track of thoughts mid-sentence, frequent lateness - how many missed buses, hours spent hanging about in bus stations waiting for the next - difficulty with simple things like how to deal with too many things that need cleaning in a small room... There was once a prescription that, for a brief time, made life feel like so much less of a jumbled mess... That too, gone, lost.

So it goes, loss. Sunsets and sunrises: the destitution may be real, and final in and of itself, but it isn't final in the wider sense. Regardless of how grim a ten of swords may be, it is rarely an endpoint. You move on. You get up and move forward, deal with the loss, adjust, put it behind you, for better or for worse. Things are very rarely, in retrospect, the kind of disaster that they feel like in the moment...

Day reflection exercise

I can't quite recall if I've done this kind of exercise here before but basically...the idea is to pull a card or two at the very end of a day with the intention of reflecting on what has happened/what you experienced, rather than pulling it earlier for prediction/advice. More for perspective and whatnot...

We see two figures in this card, the one above on the dias and the one laying on the carpet before, The title, dominion, suggests one particular scenario: that of the master and the slave, dominance and submission. But what of the traditional meaning of this card, of doorways and opportunities, potential? The way that the top figure holds those wands is still very suggestive of a door, a passage.

Perhaps the figure at the bottom is in fact there by choice - after all, he is positioned quite comfortably, quite casually, all in all. Perhaps there is some advantage in giving in, to a point, to that authority, domination, external discipline and self-discipline, assertion...

I did gather up my courage and do a few things today that needed some assertiveness, minor in the grand scheme of things - a phone call, a knock on a neighbor's door, a vaguely awkward conversation with a friend - but ones that had been hanging over me the last day or two.

And, speaking of positions, the positions of the two main figures in this image are particularly striking to me, in the context of reflecting on a day because...they remind me of yoga poses. The red carpet could, from a certain perspective, even be seen as a mat. In following up on previous reading, I did in fact go through with signing up for a week's trial of Bikram yoga classes at a studio nearish to my school. Poses in a heated room, trying to find some kind of dominion over my body, my breathing...

You Only Live Once Spread

Ran across this lovely tarot spread by Yineth on the Aeclectic forum and decided it'd be nice to give it a try, especially since there seems to be a lot of...difficult energy in my life right now that I cannot seem to quite get on top of as well as usual.
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Position 1: Y- "You" 
The subject (You) in the situation. A snapshot of your life, a summary of current events, where you see yourself in your life, etc. An overview of what is occurring currently. I've considered this position being allowed to be a "significator" position also. 

The Knight of Cups rides, in this deck, upon some quite turbulent waves. The appearance of chaos here, in many ways: bits and pieces of his armor falling off of him, the cup barely in his grasp, the horse beneath him in constant motion, trying to gain stability by holding onto that black water-spout, a thing so inherently unstable?

And why does he go on, keep trying in such circumstances/? Conviction, emotional conviction that this is worth doing, that this is right, the constant juxtaposition of emotion and logic, air in water, yes no yes no yes. And yet, he isn't without his resources, the stable, loyal horse beneath him which keeps on going, unbothered by the turbulence. And perhaps getting rid of some of that stiff, stern armor has some advantages to make up for the loss of protection?

Quite on point, this. The feeling of too many moving pieces, instability, loss perhaps good, perhaps bad, perhaps both, things falling away, so much effort and focus seemingly needed just to keep minimally on top of things and yet conviction, some semblance of it, keep on going because I am committed to things, must...

Position 2: O- "Only"

The absolute focus/distraction that is deterring any change to occur currently. For example, a workaholic's drive to provide for their family while overlooking everything else that matters.

Velocity, momentum, moving swiftly forward, always toward toward something. The figure is bright orange, full of energy, fire, running with all those lit torches, needing to get them somewhere, accomplish something, the dog nearby, willing to help his master but also expecting this, the chase, the progress.

I have mentioned before, and I do realize it is mostly deliberate, on my part but...this year as a whole, life has been very much rapid, mad movement. Some kind of intense personal things happening, nothing major but enough to throw things off balance, and the rush of so much schoolwork to do, and then mad planning and packing for the trip, and that whole experience - wonderful, amazing, and yet not exactly a quiet time to relax - and then getting back and a mad rush to find somewhere to live, to move, which is followed now by mad schoolwork rush and...

Yes, I don't feel I've really had proper chance to devote much mental focus to dealing with some of the background issues, problems, things that need work and change, and that all piles up with the new, and everything just keeps rolling forward what feels like far too quickly and yet - how can I take a real break when there are all these obligations, external deadlines, always pushing me forward?

Position 3: L- "Live"

How is the above/previous/before subject affecting you now? How will it impact you in the long run?

Discontent, that apathetic kind of dissatisfaction in which you are well aware that things are wrong and yet it seems so much easier to just wallow in it than to DO something to change the situation. Through the metaphor of the poppies, which the rower in the boat seems to be bringing over to the figure in the forefront, who has clearly used them before, the metaphor, if not precisely apt, of using various not-so-great coping mechanisms, forms of escapism, ways to distance yourself from the world around you.

The mood of this card is so...cold. The figure in standing in front of that chilly marsh, not alone in the image, and yet might as well be. Detached, removed from each other...actually, for me personally, this brings to mind a certain kind of intense dissociation I seem to experience when my mood gets low for longer periods of time. I can still function and do things fine, keep up with the motions of that velocity, the movement of the previous cards and yet, that's what it feels like really...apathetic, discontented, disconnected keeping up with the motions.

And the distancing, the decay of friendship that the book mentions around this card...I have a number of friends who are all trying to get in touch with me, make plans for spending time together...and I am having so much trouble motivating myself to sort out my schedule, return their calls, not because I do not want to seem them but because doing so just feels so...overwhelming; they seem so far away, that water between the figures so murky...

Clearly, given the metaphor of the poppies in this card especially, this is a situation that really does have the potentially to continue to decline. Four of cups is always about well, sitting around feeling miserable gets you nowhere at all, nowhere good, long or short term.

Position 4: O- "Once"

What you could/can do to change things or be better made aware of.

What strikes me about this spread as a whole is the theme of friendship, companionship, connection - the knight has his horse, the rapid runner his dog, the miserable figure his misery loves company friend, and these two of course, materially comfortable, still nonetheless rely on and support each other. A message perhaps, for me to continue to challenge my natural instinct to isolate myself when I'm not feeling so great, to try to do everything on myself, to insist on not 'bothering' or 'burdening' others. The exchange - both giving AND receiving help and support - can be hugely beneficial, in all kinds of circumstances.

This card also shows a kind of ascent, the pentacles moving up a path from the earthly to the higher up. Focusing not only the immediate, here and now issues but also on the higher things, mental health, inner work, nurturing creativity and inspiration and all of that.

Affluence comes in many forms, and by only focusing on trying to keep things afloat in one aspect, it undermines the whole, and as a net result I find it harder even to keep up with that one main thing. Making some time for the others in spite of the momentum and pressure I feel to keep moving might be a rather good idea.

I have been thinking that vaguely already actually...doing something for my holistic health...perhaps signing up for some yoga classes or some such to get started. I keep thinking I don't really have the time, it seems like a waste of money, etc but....maybe I should just do it anyway, to help get out of that apathetic rut.

forming a firm foundation

Foundation, needing to establish a firm foundation, something to build on, something to work and to live upon with some sense of stability...

This card has such a modern vibe, the artisan working not at the stones of some ancient cathedral but at a computer, at a desk; the tools are not grand but compact - a little box, circuitry, a kind of modern magic, toss it in your bag and go. And yet it holds so much, doesn't it, allows you to do so much.

Labor of love, working at that computer, creating, learning, studying, reading until your eyeballs hurt; of love perhaps, but a labor nonetheless. Labor that needs foundation for focus, for sticking to it. The suit of pentacles is earthy...what is needed now, for this to work, is not the ideas, not the inspiration, the creative drive; no what is needed is concrete focus, wellness, comfort, a safe place (that rich, purple color; the spirals of light - growing brighter, or dimmer?) to settle into - physically and especially mentally.

I have been trying, to get into the right mindset for focusing on my studies again, properly, for looking for work, everything - this card both an image of where I want to be and what is holding me back. Foundation - needing to put your house in order, metaphorically speaking. A little bit of mess and crazy is comfortable - too much chaos and it becomes so, so much more difficult to be any kind of productive...

And how to go about with that? The King of wands, carrying the burning torch, trumpet-shaped, full of creative impetus, energy. Restriction seems like a funny title for this card, but the book provides some great clarification: look at the background, the desert, and beyond that, what, a mushroom cloud, yes. The metaphor of nuclear testing, nuclear bomb development - how much brilliance went into that particular innovation? And how much destruction can come from its use, unmoderated? How many decades have we spent carefully trying to restrict nuclear weapons use. Bolts of lightning, the potential for so much disaster...

Needing to harness the energy of the King of Wands not just to DO, but also to NOT DO. Time to get a grip on certain self-destructive tendencies of mine that have been given far too much free reign as of late. Everything has a price, consequences. If you are unwilling, at this time, to make the big, Tower-sized changes, then at the very least...restriction, carefully harnessing of resources to create at least that much stability, foundation, needed to focus on those things that matter most.

getting back into the swing of things

 So, it's been a bit of a while. Things have been rather busy/stressful in many ways, and I ended up taking a bit longer of a break from tarot and blogging than I had expected to. Have started working with the cards a bit more again, not so much deck-hopping at this point as just sticking with my Navigators of the Mystic SEA deck...

I really enjoy working with this deck, especially using the accompanying book for clarification/deeper explanation of the images. Today's draw, like many I do with it, really got to the crux of things in terms of useful insight. See, I've been telling myself that the card break was because I was too busy, too stressed, to overwhelmed to stretch my energies to keep doing this, too. But that wasn't the entire truth. The fact is, busy as I have been, I still found time to do other things...lose myself in fiction books, watching episodes of newly discovered TV shows online, sleeping too much or too little...certain oher less positive coping mechanisms... gratification, in-the-moment self-indulgence, escapism, all those things that the moon so speaks to, as a concept...

What particularly strikes me in the image here is the harp at the forefront. Like the tarot, a harp can be seen as an instrument, a tool, something meaningful, something that can make beautiful music or messages, something that allows you to, at times, transcend mundane reality, search for something greater...and here it lies cast aside, choked even, gasping. And does the figure, lying surrounded by wine glass, poppies, dream-creatures, look better for this lack? No, not at all.

Time for some fortitude again, then. I have found time for tarot in times even more busy and stressful than this last weeks have been, and have been better for having something to ground me. Time to light the torches, blow the trumpets, and face whatever waves - internal or external - that may come crashing towards us. Time for facing reality head on, without illusion, without hiding or sticking head in sand or focusing on anything but the things that need to be dealt with most. 

bit of a break, end of a break

I have been sadly lax in updating here the last week or so. Mostly, this is due to the fact that I haven't been working very much with tarot in general. I've not stepped away from the cards completely, but I suppose you could say I have been taking a bit of a break.

Why? Well, as this (part of a larger) draw from yesterday highlights, this adventure in Tunisia has been, in very many ways a break, a temporary escape, a time to take a deep breath and step away for a bit from many things. And now that time is fast ending - I shall be on a plane before the end of the week  - and all of those things are rapidly popping up again, in my face, clamoring to be dealt with.

A lot of things to be dealt with, and I don't exactly feel as well-rested and recuperated and ready to take them on as one might expect...

But so it goes, I suppose. That nice comfortable safe room, the lie-down on the blanket, separated from the real world...it only lasts so long. Eventually you have to go back, get into the regular swing of things again.

In the meantime, I'm also trying to make the best of my remaining time here. Had a lovely day trip to the North-East on Saturday, visited some amazing roman ruins, had dinner with my teacher's family. Monday night I attended (and marched in, for a bit!) a Women's Day women's rights demonstration which was... a really worthwhile experience.

So yeah, hopefully back to more regular updating once things settle down a bit.