moving past disappointment

It can be hard sometimes, to let go of a disappointment; the brain, it seems, is almost hard-wired to hold onto such things. It can be something general - plans that fell apart, forces larger than anyone getting in the way; it can be a friend or a family member, a mentor or mentee, a co-worker...someone you were really counting on who just...dropped the ball there; worse yet, it can be yourself. You had plans, you had ideas, and then somehow you let it all fall apart, or you lost motivation and never even started, or you got distracted, or you made a simple mistake...whatever.

And after, your mind wants to dwell on it, pick it apart. Mars in Scorpio - how much resentment can you direct at the offending party? How much energy and time can we spend going over the disappointing events in minute detail? Look at that sea, dark-colored, red waved, un-nourishing. Look at the way those blackened, dried out leaves curl around the empty cups. Look, ponder it again and again. Why did I trust them? Why didn't I get my shit together better, get organized, try harder? But what good is that kind of thinking, really? It happened, it cannot be changed now. For me personally, the current, relatively small disappointment has been the recent visit home. I'm back now, and well...so many plans, things I wanted to get done, catch up on, get started with or finished up, all the books I dragged along with me and then...almost nothing actually accomplished. Time wasted, so much time wasted.

But again, why waste thought-time on that which is done and past? Learn from it if possible. Try to avoid doing the same thing next time, sure, but besides that?

It's best to just move past disappointments, whether they be those you caused yourself or those stemming from the actions of others. Move forward. Focus on the future. Channel the energy, the entusiasm, the passion of strength, the Leo-influence. In a way I quite like Crowley's take on this card, because it combines the traditional meaning - control of 'the beast', compassion and overcoming difficulties through inner strength - but marries it to the idea of joyfulness, of passion, of being fully comfortable with yourself. In this deck, the lion-tamer doesn't have to be the innocently dressed lady overcoming obstacles with her symbols of purity; she rides it wildly, fully herself. I'm on a bit of a feminist kick lately, because all the slut-shaming and misogynistic nonsense all over the media and mainstream political discourse these days is frustrating as hell, and I guess with that in mind I this card really appeals...yes, a woman can be naked, sensual, fully aligned with her instincts and still doing GOOD THINGS.

So for myself, I shall be focusing on making the most of the rest of my free days, both academically, personally and socially - trying to get out, enjoy the weather, catch up on reading, make some time for skating, do some cleaning, and so on. Trying getting keep my efforts are working on certain issues back on track. Going to try to keep this strength card in mind.