a kind of general reading

I wanted to try giving reading with the Master another go before setting it aside for now, but nothing in particular to read on with it, so let's call this a general reflective reading exercise...just drawing cards and trying interpret.

So what comes to mind, looking at these cards, is the idea that well....there are all kinds of scenarios where the lessons of strength should be applied - inner fortitude, the ability to overcome your own base instincts, to do what is right, to be both firm and gentle with yourself. See, it's easy to make choices and decisions that are perhaps less than good for you, especially when doing so allows you to hear what you want to hear, or see what you want to see. People have a rather strong tendency to hear what they want to hear, the rose-colored glasses or the opposite, everything terrible, depending on their general outlook/approach to life.  Look at that cupid, pointing his arrow right at the Strength woman's head or heart - surely not the right place to aim, but he in blindfolded and the organs are impeding his hearing and so he is, essentially, senseless, confused, turned upside-down.

It is easy to be on guard against things that are obviously painful, things that we have been trained to know are dangerous, but organ music? Sweet, nice organ music that happens to be just what we want to hear, which allows us to indulge in whatever it is we would most like to indulge in - laziness, avoidance, some kind of bad habit or vice. It can be hard to step away from that, especially if we have already started to go down that path, already let the first few mis-aimed arrows fly...but that is a fallacy, of course, the fallacy of sunk costs: better to keep going because we have already lost this and this much, time, whatever. Reading about ethnic war and partition right now for a class, and same idea there too....misunderstandings that spiral out of control, security dilemma, escalation escalation and it gets to the point where even physical separation and redrawn borders are sometimes not enough to fully stop the violence and the music, the propaganda on both sides playing so loudly, saying forward, forward go, we must continue on. And heartbreak, how much heartbreak on large scale and tiny, individual, stemming from bad decisions, unrequited love, taking encouragement in gestures that weren't meant the way you take them...?

Sometimes we need strength to take the blindfold off, even if it means seeing difficult things, and strength to ignore the sound of the organs. Strength to step back, to say - no, this is easy but it is also wrong, and I will not do it anymore. Strength for harder decisions, for facing the less pleasant things.

Tarot's Take on Election-Time

So, in a fit of whimsy I decided to do something I ordinarily do not do much at all: read directly about current events; and do a reading with a predictive aspect to it. That is to say, amateur fortune-telling (ha!) about the upcoming US Presidential elections. Decided to use the Master for this as it has a kind of 'wordly' feel to it.

(A note: a am unabashedly biased liberal and this reading will reflect that. This is just for fun, and I'm really not even trying to maintain some semblance of political neutrality.)

So starting from the left, we have the page of wands. This card makes me think of the current [Republican] contenders for the nomination/potential opponents to the President in the election. The page is young, inexperienced - he may have a lot of passion and ambition and ideas, but mostly his ideas are still just that. He wants to prove himself, his message. There is potential there, certainly. However, he is quite young, and looking at him, the word 'childish' comes to mind. Combine that with the dog behind him, which makes me thinking of the dog in the Fool card and well...let's just say this is a pretty close approximation to my feelings regarding the Republican candidates in general this year. Ego driven, immature, ignorant - hell, the fact that candidates that have no realistic chance of winning are still in the running, weakening their own party's chance rather than withdraw and consolidate support is just so...the childish me, me, me impulse. But, less negative take on the card, this seems to be showing the current stage of things, the untried with 'fresh' messages proving themselves...

The center card, which going in a kind of chronological fashion would seem to represent the election in full swing, is the six of swords. The six goes back to the Lovers in the major arcana, a card of choices and decision-making... interestingly in this deck the Lovers card shows a blind-folded cupid about to release an arrow...which I think is a rather interesting metaphor given the fact that imperfect access to information is such a major component of democratic elections. No one really knows what candidates are going to do once elected - some level of obfuscation if not outright dishonesty seems to be expected these days, where you have candidates blatantly tailoring their position to their audiences and, well. So choice of ideas, a battle of ideas which yes, seems to describe this political season rather well. Idea against idea,words, communication battle which is so much of what elections are these days, with imperfect information and someone will win but who and at what cost? Look at those swords stabbing downwards through the victory-wreath...

Lastly we have the Chariot...to be honest, I have a hard time trying to read this removed from my bias because...well, the Chariot is about winning a battle, short term victory, success and to me, the only outcome I would consider as such would be a re-election of the current President. Backing me up in this assessment, at least, is that well...it's the chariot, rolling forward. Victory that has momentum of time, not a sudden shift or change...even though this card has no horses in sight, the old phrase about not switching horses mid-race comes to mind. Also, the Chariot tends to be about uniting opposites, harnessing the power of black and white, masculine and feminine, yin and yang to your advantage; in politics, that kind of uniting requires taking on some semblance of a moderate position, which, in the primaries at least, seems to be the last thing the Republican candidates are concerned with. How can unite all those forces if you are spouting racism, misogynistic, classist, vitriol? So yes, I am - tentatively - predicting a re-election of President Obama...

If anyone disagrees with my read of these or has anything they want to chip in, feel free :]

Story Time Again

Decided to see what I could do with the Tarot of the Master and the story exercise...

There was once a demon. He was not a particularly large demon, nor a very clever one. He could not compete for any of the choicer territories, the rich little corners where a right-thinking demon could make himself merry and rich on the mischief he caused. No, this demon was shoved aside by his superiors. So he moved elsewhere, traveled far into the countryside until he found a little village where no other demons lurked, or other creatures which could cause him much trouble. The demon set himself up in a cave over-looking the settlement, used small magics to shape his new home to the image of his liking. There he sat, amused himself, argued with his own tail. He prowled and spoke in tongues. He rained any number of curses down upon the village: crops withered, dinners burned, valuables were lost; misfortune, once a rarity for the villagers, became an all too common occurrence. The villagers were not naive, not stupid: they figured out soon enough the cause of their trouble, the demon the lived in the caves, but none were bold enough to challenge the thing in any way.

Then the woman came. She was a village girl really, once an odd child that played with the boys and bothered the blacksmith rather than the baker or the village witch. When she grew old enough to be married, she chose to leave the village instead. She traveled further than any of the villagers could imagine, went on any number of quests and adventures. She learned to fight with swords and staves. She fought with men whose names the villagers would not have even been able to wrap their tongues around to say. She befriended a lion; utterly loyal to each other, the two hunted beats and creatures in forests and deserts. At night the woman carefully brushed the lion's mane. Finally she had decided to visit the village of her childhood, to make peace with her aged parents and see what had become of her childhood friends. The villagers eyes her lion nervously when she returned, told her grim tales of the demon, the troubles it brought. The woman listened, nodded.

At dawn the next day, woman and lion climbed the steep craggy hill up to the caves. The demon's cave, distinctive, was not hard to find. They strode into it. The woman called out the demon, who was shocked that mere humans dared to invade its cave. It opened its lips to utter a curse, but the lion pounced before it could speak. They fought - a short battle, for the demon cared much more of survival than of dignity or honor. It flew out of the cave, flew far away from the village. Satisfied, the woman scratched the lion between the ears. They set the demon-cave ablaze, watched its trinkets and magics burn. Then they returned to the village.

Seeing the demon cave burn. the the monster flying away, the villagers rejoiced. They threw a parade for woman and lion, wreathed them with laurels and colorful ribbons. The woman was given a beautiful sword made by the village blacksmith, and the lion the choicest meat from the village butcher. The woman went on to have more adventures, and the villagers settled back into a simple, contented existence.

advice for a visit home

So I am visiting with my parents for a few days, just got here after a four hour bus ride...napped on the bus so not terribly sleepy, so thought I would draw a card with some advice/insight for how best to spend my time here.

I must admit...the Tower was not what I was expecting. I mean, yes this is a change, a bit of a break from the stress of school and work, but not THAT big a change. And certainly there is no need or reason to shake things up with my parents in any major way.

Thinking about it more, though, it occurs to me...well, the Tower has been thematically on my mind for quite a bit now...there are just so many things in my life that need this kind of change - large and small things - and yet making it happen is so difficult....and of course, its even MORE difficult to do what you need to do to knock down the tower and deal with all of that scary, sometimes painful consequence - to long drop into the ocean below - if you are also dealing with the demands of everyday life. How exactly does one go about taking care of major, longer term problems when there are three papers due and presentations and two hundred pages of reading?

So I have a few days away from all that, a bit of time to breath. I have a couple of things that need change eventually, some moreso than others, some changes more major, some more immediate...and of course, something of the magnitude of the Tower can't necessarily be taken care of in three or four days but...if you break it down, there are concrete steps you can take, basic things that will move you a few steps forward in the right direction. Making productive use of the free time to actually follow through on doing those...yes, yes that would indeed be a good way to spend the next few days.

Also, perhaps the mental aspect as well. Dealing with Tower-level change is difficult: the fire burning, the building, the things that are so familiar (even if not good for you, really) crumbling, the feeling of things falling away...it is its own type of stress, and taking some time to process that mindfully...especially when you know you have to be the one to blow up the Tower in the first place...yes, some mindful thinking and acceptance work...again, not a bad idea at all.

value and achievement

The wizened king, standing in front of the altar of his material achievement, carefully counting his wealth. Is it still there, all of it? Is it enough? And the nubile youth, standing on the pedestal, balancing that ornate urn on her head, surrounded by others; she stares into the distance listlessly.

The two of these make me think a bit about the value of ostensibly valuable things. There is, of course, that oh so well known bit about money not buying happiness, and that's true enough. Material things that you can buy with the money don't necessarily bring joy either. That is also, I've found, quite true...

But really, what comes to mind here is that...money is not, after all, the only thing we think of in that way, the only "coin" as it were that we seek so desperately to earn, achieve, keep. Achievement and value have an interesting relationship in that way...

In my own life, well. This has been a rather hellishly busy week. After having a rather personally difficult, draining, stressful weekend, the week has been...an important memorandum paper due, a history research paper proposal due, an arabic exam to take, a book review due, an presentation to do, all of it in three days. Just gotten through the last of it; I'm pretty sure I did well enough, possibly even did Good. I should feel accomplished, I know.

Mostly though, I just feel terribly tired and drained. Especially since there's more still left in my week...work tomorrow, and so many errands I must get through, and academic reading to make up still, and...I just feel so tired of it all. Situations in which the cost of gaining that which you value is so high that by the time you get it, you don't have the energy for enthusiasm, for real appreciation.

You force yourself to stand on the pedestal: look at me, doing what I am supposed to do. You count the coins you have worked so hard to get: mine, mine, mine this accomplishment, yes.

Meeting Tarot of the Master...

So for reasons that do not have to do with aesthetic appeal or readability (i like it fine on both counts) I'm just not feeling working with the Fey right now. Maybe it has to do with it feeling too 'light' compared to the Thoth that has so enchanted me. Perhaps it's just more whimsical than I'm feeling right now. Dunno, but going to put it away and give in another shot at some point in the future and see how I feel about it then.

For now, I've decided that alongside dear Thoth I'm going to try working with my trimmed LoS Tarot of the Master. A bit of a challenge, this will be. Going to work with it purely intuitively, since I've gotten rid of the keyword borders and so don't believe in those nonsense LWBs...

These cards are an interesting pair to draw up tonight. I see myself a lot in this hermit right now, seeing as I am in exactly this position, alone in my little corner of the world surrounded by books, papers, trying to get work accomplished, something I must do. The youth in the two of wands holds two staffs, which reminds me of both choices and opportunities, the idea of opportunity cost in economics: for everything you choose to do, time you invest, effort, there is something else you could be doing with those resources that you are giving up. Sometimes you can gain most by being the hermit, alone with his books and lantern, and other times you need to step away from that hermit role, reach out to other people, get up and explore the world.

Sometimes you need to be the Hermit, but your mind keeps thinking of other things it could be doing. Distraction, distraction, so easy in this age of multi-tasking, a zillion tabs and windows open in front of us on the computer screen: sometimes we can have it all, but sometimes not. Which path, which doorway will we choose to invest ourselves in this time? Sometimes the path of the Hermit requires so much of us, and seems so hard: wouldn't it be easier to just call it quits? To say I give, I give, this path of study was more than I could handle, enough for now? But of course, the path that is most difficult is often the most rewarding as well - the torches of victory for those who stick to it; doors to better things, perhaps. And recognition, no? The deck creator's name on the plaque behind the boy - who will recognize the Hermit's efforts? Who will pat him on the back? How much of what we do is about appearances - wanting to be seen as competent, or not wanting to be seen as the person who failed, gave up?

Always with the choices, the options, the distractions, the pull of this and that. In an ideal world perhaps the Hermit could just be the Hermit, alone with a book in nature, learning only for the sake of learning, reading for the love of knowledge and the written word. And an aspect of that is still there, always, but also more - consequences and possibilities circling around, always, doors swinging open and shut.

2012 Year Card

So, just out of idle intellectual curiosity, decided to calculate my personal year card for 2012, plus 2011 while I was at it, since that year is over now, to see how applicable it in fact was. Pretty simple really, add your day and month of birth to the year in question and voila, there be your card for that year.

It turns out that my year card for 2011 was the Wheel of Fortune - you know, the card that speaks of life's ups and downs, fortunes changing for the worse, then for the better again...in this sense, describes the year pretty well for me on a micro level. I had some really good experiences, and some really difficult times as well. Some experiences were even kind of both, in different ways. This card also speaks a lot about changes - like, major life changes - and again, as I've mentioned in previous posts here, that way very much a 2011 thing. In fact, on my personal journal I kind of wrote out a list of major things that happened in 2011 for me and yeah, there were a lot of moves, shifts, new things happening, trying or doing things for the very first time. I ended the year in a different city, in a new school, in a different job, in a different social situation, with a whole list of new things I'd done, compared to the begining of the year. Mentally too, though less drastically, I think it was a year of some shifting 'wheel-turning' as it were, so yes. I can totally see this as being an appropriate card to describe 2011, in retrospect.

Which brings us to 2012. The year card for this new year is apparently Justice.

So what exactly should I take this to mean, then? Well, Justice is really in a lot of ways a card that speaks to balance, equilibrium, getting things the way they should be and maintaining that. It's objective right, fairness - cold logic. The logic of the sword, sharp and intellectual and unyeilding. It's about deferring to yes, this the right, objectively so, rather than whatever you may feel about the matter. It's connected to society, the people around you, morals as influenced by your surroundings rather than only your own beliefs. It's about doing right - not being judged for it afterwards, really (that's Judgement) but the actual act of DOING it...Setting things right according to objective standards...

This does make a certain sense. There are areas in my life where my approach has certainly been less than balance. See, I have a remarkable ability to be very fair and understanding and empathtic towards other people, and very harsh, judgemental, illogical in my approach to myself, my own actions. There are reasons for that, which this isn't the place for getting into, but suffice to say this is an area that I could very much benefit from working on. I like the objectivity and logic aspect of this especially. I am, as I often state, and INTP. I like logic very much. Many of my actions are dictated by it, and in general I find that doing the thing I know is logical rather than the thing I feel like doing tends to be for the best. So in broad strokes - do that more. Try to bring more balance, more fairness to myself, more equilibrium into my life.

Trying to think too, what this card might mean more externally. I can't imagine it's really a reference to any legal matters, as there are none of those in my life right now (though, I guess, you never know). I suppose again, more proper balance in school, work, social relationships...

A year of...gradual, steady improvement and not too many dramatic changes or shocks, inshallah.

(Incidentally, the last time I had a Justice year was apparently 2003. I was still pretty young then, but I very much remember that as a pretty craptastic year where a lot of things went to hell, so to speak, especially personally/mentally. So uh, I suppose that was a year in which balance was in the forefront for its lack?) In any case, yeah, inshallah in 2012 there will be plenty, not dearth :]