realities and dreams

(I've been working my way back into tarot things with small 1-2 card draws. Figured it was time to try to work my way into writing about them too...)

Right now, what do I need to know, remember to keep in mind, understand and internalize?

For me, the Thoth is a deck I've been able to read intuitively since I first picked it up, but also one with many layers to delve into and expand on; it's also a deck that tends to give me kick in the ass type blunt messages and answers, but in a positive way. This quick draw is no exception, it would seem.

We have the The Star and the Queen of Wands, and right away the visual juxtaposition is striking: two powerful female figures side by side, a study in contrasts. The Star is sinuous, flexible; her body, like the water she pours, seems to flow. She seems softer somehow, yet also more distant, unearthly in color, unknowable with her face turned away, looked elsewhere, grasping up. The Queen, on the other hand, appears more rigid, still, looming rather than flowing. Her card is awash with warm colors, she herself abstracted yet still recognizable as a real person. She is also much more direct, face forward and head tilted downwards, slightly, towards the reader. Another difference: the star is alone on her distant planet; the Queen sits with her feline companion, resting one hand on its head.

The Star traditionally represents hope, but also inspiration. It speaks of cleansing, of healing, of reaching farther for more. In this pairing, the color contrast brings to mind the logic-feeling dichotomy - the Star speaking to the intellect, to high ideas pondered in the abstract, to possibilities, to 'dreams. The Queen, meanwhile, speaks to more pragmatic concerns, to the actual person behind the big ideas, the person that needs those little material comforts and needs to wonders how to even try to approach the big picture, and yes, in this case, to emotion.

It might seem a bit strange, that the card that represents inspiration, healing, hope, insight would represent the logical part of my mind rather than the emotional, but it makes sense. Tell me to FEEL hope, to think with feeling about what I want in life, what I would like to do, where I might be going, and you will not get much of a satisfying response. How does one even feel things like that, emotionally? My mind is too much a mess most of the time to know. No, it is the intellectual, the logical that has always driven me: my love of learning and knowing all the things, and the things my need to know has lead to to learn, and my desire to do something about them, to make some kind of a positive difference, my love of knowing even if the thing I am getting to know is unimaginably depressing, everything I have ever reached and grasped for has stemmed from that part of me. The distant, spacey, sometimes lacking in common-sense and too detached from reality thinking part of me is all of that. Here, I think this Star is a reminder, to think about those things, those ideas, those interests that have inspired me in the past to anything of substance I've managed to do, think about what I would reach for if I thought I could, think detached from reality for a moment if I must but yes, that part of me is the one that can imagine how to change things, what to aim for, the part that might just find enough motivation in the big-picture sense.

If the Star is talking about what I need to do in a larger sense, the Queen of Wands here refers to the question of how, how to actually do something, how to actually grasp hold of that and actually DO something with it, some real progress: a reminder of confidence, of holding onto the things you know you are good at, the things you KNOW you can do, cultivating some kind of sense of self-assurance, self-confidence, an independent strength that nonetheless does not mean alone because a bit of comfort and assistance here and there is fine, is good, but you must cultivate that sense of what YOU can do, what you must do for yourself, turn what enthusiasm you can muster in the intellectual abstract ideas into creative energy, into some self-assurance, into some kind of determination that you WILL do this or that because you MUST and because you CAN. She is surrounded by spikes of flame, and of course fire burns, can hurt, but pain, too, is something you know well, can handle, if you just mentally prepare yourself for it, accept it, work through it.

So in summary: let your intellect and logical mind think and find and remember the things you care enough to reach for, however far away they seem, and then, approaching the how to, remember you strengths, that it may be difficult and it may hurt but know that you can do it.

bit more tarot poetry

Another try at this particular exercise...
----

change never does just sprout
forth; it does not bloom
in sudden bursts of brilliant color,
come spring.

no, change wildly spins
and be must grasped painfully with teeth.
it must be chased, pulled out
from deepest depths within.

Deck comparison, Three-Fold

So a while ago I asked for suggestions to do a deck comparison type post series on. I've not forgotten about it, and decided to start off with a couple of posts following up on an idea posted by thesycamoretree: something Thothy, something RWSy, and something Else. These will be done purely by my own intuitive readings, with no reference material. Why? Because anyone can look up the difference in these decks as written down in books, so why read me rehashing the same thing?

To start off with, why not begin with the actual Thoth and RWS (Smith Centennial ed., in my case) and add the Mary-El to that mix? 
---

Starting off with my favorite of these, the Thoth. Here, the King has been transformed into a Knight - less the superior to the Queen than her equal, and more dynamic a concept than the King image. It can be confusing at first, but I find with this in particular its best to just roll with it, is what it is, and onwards.

The Knight of Cups rides his horse, a pure white pegasus, symbols of god and of purity and power. He rides it upwards, away, showing the kind of optimistic ambition that can be associated with this card. Take that too far and you have escape into unreality, escape into dreams, escapism into the cup or so many similar things. Here, more positively, he rides above the wild wave, controlled in his motion so that they do not touch him. Just sketched into one of these waves we can see a peacock: so much show, and isn't it true? Doesn't he grave the applause just a bit? Emotionally he does, for reassurance rather than ego perhaps, but nonetheless.

Emotional energy as power here: the glowing of the cancer crab in the cup, the wings that sprout out of his back. His armor is green, like the suit of the Fool: optimist, faithful, ready to push forward into the unknown anew, but perhaps sometimes less than fully aware of what he should be aware of. His strength is his heart, his connection to others. His horse looks back towards him, ready for the next command, ready to work together brilliantly, as they are wont to. The image scheme here (weird yellow tint of the digital image aside) is largely blue and white, appropriate for the pinnacle of the watery suit, and bringing out the contrast of the armor and the cup even more.

In contrast, the figure in the classic RWS is far more sedate. He sits on his throne, dressed primarily in blue es well. Waves surround this seat, and we can see him holding a cup in one hand, a lotus shaped scepter in the next. We see fish and a ship, just barely, in the water behind him. The ship for movement and fortune (it takes money to launch one, after all) the fish for bounty perhaps?

Looking at this card I am reminded of how, so often, people say that the courts are the hardest of the tarot deck to read. If one is talking about the RWS, I cannot say that I much disagree. We have a king on a throne, facing towards the right, holding a cup and sitting still. He looks comfortable there, I suppose. I cannot say that, from image alone and without my knowledge of memorized meanings, I can get much from this card. This is in major contrast to the Thoth's, where I am struck immediately by all the details and could go on and on about it for ages. This one evokes...nothing. I have to go back to what I 'know' this card to mean.

Color-wise, it is a nice scheme, blues and greens with just a bit of red makes a nice contrast, and I do quite enjoy the muted palette of the centennial edition.

Lastly, we have the Mary-El king. This deck dances to its own tune, its own internal scheme and ideas which are not necessarily drawn directly from either major tarot tradition. The deck creator had very specific meanings for the imagery in mind, but they don't jive with me, so I use my own take.

Immediately, I am struck by the composition of this card. I am reminded of the famous painting of Ophelia, drowned. Like this king she lay half-submerged in water, surrounded by lily pads, flowers. There are many things a king of cups can drown himself in, should the darker aspects of his nature overwhelm. But there is a different here, between this king and the girl: the trident. Poseidon carried a trident, in mythology, a tool through which to channel his godly might, and his symbol.

He does not drown, does not die, merely floats. Perhaps indeed this is merely a swim in the water, a moment of relaxation, a return to easier, less complicated times. Not all escapism must be destructive or dangerous. Sometimes a long bath or vigorous swim is just what we need to take our minds off of too stressful things, to get back the perspective we need.

The nudity of the King also works for me. It general nudity can signify great strength or great vulnerability. This king can exemplify both, at different times. A different take here, on the water element aspects of the card than in the others, but comes through loud and clear nonetheless.

--
The message of the day then: to move towards what you want, and do not be afraid to let yourself move forward with optimism, or to take a but of a break for distraction - but do not let that distraction take over to the point of causing vulnerability, weakness.

another go at tarot poetry

It's an interesting exercise, if nothing else. For some reason, the Thoth works better for me with this than anything else.

Magus and Fool

empty and full -
where will you go,
rising from nowhere?
nothing will stop you, nothing will dim
that light in which you spin.

rise then, in ellipses,
in spiral rings that swing
without end, with the flutter
of butterfly wings and the chirp
of a dove beside you.

in fractal darkness you glow,
reaching on stretched toes -
what for? what chews
at your leg and tickles your soul?
fire and ice and purple glow.

where can you go, pushed
by air, wind that blows
unknown and chilled by faith, with
hands full of power, burns,
sharpened blades and golden coins?

can you find it,
the half-dreamt space
beyond edges, lines so carefully drawn?
full of nothing, staring at empty nowhere -
and do you dare?

 

kings and knights and pondering technology

In a quite distinctly modern take on the King of Swords, we have the man piloting what looks to be a fighter jet of some sort. I say that based solely, of course, on my experiences in the Smithsonian Air and Space museum. One thing I love about DC is that there are so many completely free museums...

But yes, planes, jets, bombers. It's amazing when you think of it, how rapidly aerial technology developed. We spent thousands of years never more than dreaming of flight, and then suddenly two brothers put together a flimsy contraption that manages to take off and stay in the air. Less than two decades later planes are being used in the first world war, with stunningly high casualties for pilots. Scouting missions at first, but well...someone gets the bright idea of shooting from the plane and then everyone does it and then there is bombing, gassing, machine guns mounted on. By the second world war they are made of cold metal, different types, models worked by nascent air forces, day and night bombing, the blitz, firebombings that kill so many millions in certain cities, nuclear bombs dropped too... Now we have drones, man-less aerial craft that can go across borders, spy and kill who knows what and where and why...

Isn't he all about precision, focus, this King?  Isn't he all about coldly judging what to do, using logic, and getting it done? Efficiency, detachment.

And quite similar to the Thoth knight he is too - the same armor but now of course it is a shirt with a modern decal. Instead of the golden steed we have the jet, its windows tinted yellow, the screen in front of the knight so that he may measure, analyze, target. No more need for extended daggers and swords. Now you point and click and things are destroyed, accomplished, undone.

Now you point and click. It boggles my mind, how much of a pain focused, graduate-level academic research must have been before the advent of computers. I have a topic and I type a few words into some search engines and pull up numerous articles going back decades, pull up a list of relevant books, many of which have the parts I need available on google books, others downloadable, or easy to reserve so I only have to stop by the front desk of the library. I can pull up newspaper articles from any number of publications. I can even find documentaries in other languages, programs from the National TV station of Algeria and from Al-Jazeera, and sit back and watch. All of this in a single afternoon, and save everything that looks relevant to my oh-so-easily-searchable gmail account, and voila the bulk of the legwork for an important project is taken care of, to be continued at my leisure.

The same spirit and drive this knight has, in both depictions, and the same goals and purpose. But means change, presentation changes, even attitudes change. Technology does have its drawbacks and I think many of them have more to do with attitudes it engenders than anything else. Why memorize when you can always look up, right? And yes, in many ways memorization is not efficient these days but stretch the brain muscles it does in interesting ways, to be able to recite things at length from memory, lists of names and poems. Even worse is the way so many people use computers and tablets and such in class. I've tried it both ways, and granted, my note-taking is always questionable - but my mad doodling helps me think, and more importantly paper and pen do not offer nearly as much opportunity for distraction and shortcuts which undermine learning processes. I had a classmate in Tunisia who would look up words while speaking in class on google translate, his laptop always open, and yes so you never search for a word but you also never remember the ones you use afterwards.

But so it goes and so everyone chooses for themselves how to use the tools they have, and in many ways, if you are like the king of swords...there is so much you can do with it. There is so much possibility. You can fly so fast and so unimagineably far. Goggles and gloves and glittering wings; even with so much power, he still enjoys the experience, the forward momentum of his ability.

Lesson on Pushing Through

I've been feeling rather adrift, still, in various ways. Decided to do a quick draw with dear Thoth, with the question/theme of A lesson I ought to reflect on ...

An interesting duality in these two cards: two eights, two titles starting with an I. Interference and Indolence stand together as barriers, obstacles. In the 8 of swords we have blades of various sizes line up, crossed by two straight rapiers. All of them have a certain almost translucence quality to them, as if they were made of glass, made of something not quite real or solid. They seem to block the way to something - but what? Behind them the background seems violent, chaotic - dark violet with what looks like angry sparks of red energy. Even the air here is difficult to bear. Astrologically we have Saturn in Gemini here - that half-wild, disorganized brilliance thrown into a tizzy by a negative, unexpected influence. Communication has been disturbed, perverted, twisted until it hurts instead of helps progress. The air sign did not have a strong enough foundation, and now it spins off-course. The mind is sharp, full of wit, quick on the uptake with many things, but also terribly liable towards distraction, towards spirals of self-defeat and negativity, towards exaggerations of problems, impossibility.

In the eight of cups we have a similarly disheartening scene. The cups here stand in a symmetrical pattern still, tied with vines and flowers, but this card is far removed from some of the others in the suit. Here the cups are chipped, broken in numerous places. The lotus flowers room as if dying, perhaps poisoned or corrupted by the inky black waters below. The sky too is almost black, full or storms and cold and lack of light. Despair seems to be the mood here, and this card, like the previous, is also ruled by Saturn. Saturn in Pisces, here - deep emotion turned to melancholic, spirituality affected by hopelessness, compassion burned out. Indolence, giving up because why bother and it is easier to do nothing and simply watch things fall apart, wrapped up in dread of the inevitable. Focusing on the sorrow, the listlessness, the heavy clouds that linger always overhead.

The feeling of too many obstacles and difficulties, too much unknown and already ruined and hopeless, both on intellectual and emotional levels, could be quite problematic indeed. And what to do about that?

Go on. Push forward with chariot pulled by the confident lion, surrounded and blazing with fiery light. Light so bright that it could burn your retinas, that it could not possibly be real, you say looking at it, pondering it. Fake light, make it real because you need to to be light, fake it till you make it light and what does it matter in the end, the nature of it and where it might come from and why?

It shines, a contrast to the grim muddled darkness of the two eight cards. We have motion here, so much movement - not static despair but action, momentum. Go forward with confident air, hold wand of authority in hand and a rein, go. Push forward, through and beyond. See and feel and think of the Interference and Indolence but do not be held back by them, slowed down or stopped. Move through them, hopefully beyond them. Keep going even if they are still there. Cancer and Leo influence - creative passion, a balance of introvert and the people person facade.

He can be reckless sometimes, to a fault, but perhaps sometimes recklessness is the lesser evil: better to move wildly than to not move at all, to remain in the same, bitter place. Let restlessness drive you, harness those impulses and that inner energy and push through, even if you don't quite know where you are going.

another tarot-prompted poem

(Needed a break from this...desperate academic writing I am still stuck doing. Another attempt at this particular exercise/idea....)




the strife

within us burned. 

we glowed, golden 

in our fury; shined
as we scratched,
sliced, fought.

higher, always
we climbed as the flame inched up.

it laughed in our belly. a mind
tickled the soles of our feet -
we tried to grow wings
but could not rise,
lacked speed.

now we dance,
fold into each other blind -

now we fly,

alight.

on movement, the death of things

We all know, us tarot readers, enthusiasts, what the Death card means. We know that it isn't necessarily, or even usually, about grandma or spouse pitching over dead when it shows up in a reading. No, it is death in a far more abstract kind of sense - the death of things, the withering away of the old, the tired. It is the end of things that are ready to be done. It is the stripping away, reaping the crop so that the earth may be sowed again with fresh seeds - reaping so as to stave away the rot.

We know this, we know. We know that things must end so that others may begin, that they must end because everything that begins also ends, eventually, and how boring would life be if things only ever stayed the same as always?

So many things we know will end before we even begin them - the trip with return flight scheduled, the relationship that is fun, but that you know deep down from the start is never going to be quite right.

We know too the metaphor of the Wheel, of cycles spinning around and around, of fortune swinging up and down. We know of wheels and spinning and death. Sometimes, when we are in the midst of something we love it can be bittersweet, this knowledge - that days are numbered, that all to soon this will become a mere memory, a shadow among many floating about in our minds. When our circumstances are terrible, in contrast, this knowledge serves as a hope, something to desperately clasp: yes, this is bad, yes this feels utterly unbearable but it too, will end, if we can only wait it out - it will end, like all things must.

Loss and death and ending can be frightening, painful...but is there anything more soul-shattering than the thing you fear will never be over, no matter how many times that wheel might spin, no matter how many other things might change, no matter how hard you might try?

They spin, those wheels and cogs, but are we moving with them or do we resist, clutch at things over and done? We long for things we can no longer have, comparing the now to the once was and feeling sad rather than trying to make the most of it; we stew on old resentments, slights and disasters, avoiding reasonable things because we insist on making sure that they never happen again, those wounds.

There is just so much energy, momentum around that spinning wheel...easier to move with it, wouldn't it be? Even when something deep inside us would like so very much to dwell in nostalgia...

Tarot Poem Prompt

I admit that I sometimes dabble in writing poems. By and large, I only write them when an idea for one pops into my mind of its own accord; doing anything else tends to just feel forced. That notwithstanding  I decided to see what would happen if I drew two tarot cards and tried using them directly as a prompt for a short poem. Here be the result...

victory in truce

a victory it is, of sorts -

not quite bartered away

or sold, that very last bit of your soul.

it lies here, between us - your dreams,

your words, your thoughts

only half-buried, tamped down

and heavily glossed.

it scratches at the back of your throat

as you stand in front of the waiting crowd,

smile, accept their applause.

the art of hanging

A man hangs, stuck between above and below. He is tied up, crossed into triangles, shapes and forms said to have some kind of meaning. Do they really? Is this truly a sacrifice, and if so, what is it for? What could he gain that would be worth this hanging stasis for so long, what wisdom? Look at the landscape of this card, how far separated he is from reality as others experience it.

In the Thoth this card is not associated with a planetary or zodiac astrological sign, but rather with the pure element of water. Water, which is associated with emotion, with dreams and intuition. Will those be improved, strengthened by his time tied up and submerged? Water is also associated in Crowley's system with the ancient Aeon, a time long passed, behind. The new Aeon is made of fire, of impetus, action, movement forward. In this sense the hanged man is stuck in the past, nostalgia-heavy, dwelling with and bound by things no longer relevant.

The answer is to move forward then, yes? Put behind this idea of self-sacrifice, sticking with what you know because you know it. But what if it isn't that simple, if the hanging situation isn't altogether in your power to change. What if you have done everything you could think of to help yourself to no avail, and when you try to reach out for more professional assistance you are met with a litany of unreturned phone calls, ignored messages, outright don't have time in my schedule rejections? In that case perhaps you must continue in the hanging place a while longer. Might as well try to extract that wisdom after all, those Odin-style nuggets of epiphany. Clouds and rain, water. Perhaps the hanged man goes on hanging because he has found a certain kind of serenity with his lot, rather than dealing with constant cycles of frustration.

Serenity: the art of hanging on.

Precision-Oriented

The Knight of Swords can be thought of as the element of air in its purest, externalized form. He moves swiftly through the winds, one with his horse, his flexible helicopter-wings, the birds that fly near him, ready to aid. His arms are extended with pointed dagger and sword; He is efficiency, logical action.

Precision-oriented, going after one thing at a time, carrying through until it is finished, shifting and adjusting as necessary.

Sometimes - often - the big picture can be overwhelming. Too many unknowns or, quite the contrary, such a long and difficult list of shoulds that staring at the whole of it can be quite intensely demotivating.

You find everything twisted and knotted so tightly - how will you, with so limited time and energy, ever manage to straighten it out again, even a little?

So many things, so many things call out to you in little grubby voices.

Perhaps you really simply cannot do very much of it. Despite the voices of support saying it's not that hard, you've done it before, you've done a lot of difficult things before, go on. They mean well, and yet perhaps you simply...cannot find it in you. Once, before you did it, sure, quickly, and yet...

Precision-oriented. If you cannot find the strength in you to do much, focus on one thing that needs doing. Map out the steps, gather your focus, and do that one thing. Finish it. A small success, something out of the way. Two or three things on a list crossed out is something. Simpler to tackle a single task, a single set of steps.

Better sometimes to focus on a single thing and complete it, do it well, than to try to tackle everything, lose track of yourself, leave things half-done when you run out of time or energy or attention for it all.

Little things build up to bigger over time, anyway, if done in a logical kind of way.

My Arabic studies, case-in-point: you learn vocabulary word after word written and re-written, conjugated, understood within a system of roots and patterns, committed to memory. Words that slowly imprint themselves into your mind, one at a time. And suddenly I am listening to political talk show podcasts and find that I can follow along, even when the speakers get worked up, argue, speak quickly. Progress...

Cardstock: Highs and Lows

So back on the tarot forums, many a thread and comment can be found on the subject of cardstock. For some, this is a major dealbreaker when deciding whether to get or to keep a new deck. I don't take it as seriously as some - if a deck has enough other merits, I'll likely keep it almost irregardless of the cardstock's level of mediocrity. That said, it is something I note, and I figured it would be interesting to post about  my favorites as well as about some worst offenders from my own collection. This is of course highly subjective, based on my own particular likes and preferences; also, only somewhat correlated to my level of like for the deck overall.

FAVORITES

1. Thoth

When I first got the Thoth, it was a more recent printing, but after reading about the superiority of older copies, I eventually procured for myself a 1986 AGM printing. This is one of those decks I've done a bunch of things to: trimmed it, gilted the edges in a kind of bronze color, etc. There really is such a world of difference in the older printing and the current ones. The cardstock is much, much nicer on the old, and the colors are richer as well, with better contrasts. 

It shuffles very nicely. The smaller post-trim size is perfect for me, and...yeah. Not too thick or flimsy and not plasticky. Great with post over-hand and riffle shuffle methods.

2. Absurd

As I said in other post about it, I really do enjoy the cardstock of the Absurd tarot. The feel of it in particular is really nice - someone described it as buttery and I don't think that's inaccurate way of putting it.

It's a nice medium, not quite matte but not over-glossy, and it really brings out and plays up the contrast of black and white of the images really well. I love how nicely it shuffles, again, being great for either method.

3. Swedish Witch

Lastly, the cardstock of the Swedish Witch tarot I have is quite nice as well. Not sure exactly which edition/printing it may be...I bought it in a new age shop during my visit to Sweden last year and the box is probably somewhere in the depths of my parents' house by now. After trimming it a bit, the size is again exactly how I prefer my decks to be, and overall, I find it quite similar to the Thoth in feel. I have no issues shuffling it in any way, it doesn't feel stiff or floppy, and it showcases the colors of the images quite nicely.

WORST OFFENDERS

1. Light and Shadow

I had such high hope for this deck, and I still do really like the actual images of the cards and how it reads, but well - as far as cardstock goes, ugh. The cards are huge and impossible to trim much. Not only that, but they are flimsy, floppy, and very plasticky feeling. Huge floppy cards do not for fun shuffling times make.

They also, for some bizarre reason (I've not encountered this on any other deck thus far) put plastic on the EDGES so that any attempt at gilting them is...not very successful.

This could be such an awesome deck, but the horrid cardstock instead places it rather far down on my list as far as preference goes. Publisher really did it a disservice :/

2. Corte dei Tarocchi

Ok, so first of all, I do get that this one was printer more as a collectors item than with reading in mind. That said, I have a thing about reading with ALL of my decks, and well.

In my life, I have not seen a deck with cardstock thicker than the cardstock of the Corte dei Tarocchi. Or even close to it. The whole deck stands in a tall, tall stack, and shuffling it all at once in any way is exceeding difficult. I've even had to adjust my method of choosing cards to ensure its properly mixed/random.

That said, it does feel nice (if unlaminated/delicate) and overall I do quite enjoy this deck muchly. But the shuffling.....

3. Sun and Moon

This is one of my favorites, but in the wider online tarot community, it seems to engender rather varied opinions. Some people, like me, quite like it; others have a very low opinion indeed. Among the latter, the cardstock quality is often mentioned, and in that regard, I really cannot argue. I love this deck in spite of its cardstock, because its other merits are just that high, for me.

Whats wrong with it? Well, to its advantage it isn't uber-glossy like some USG decks of recent years, but...cardboardy would be an accurate way of describing it. Moderately thick and really really stiff. Shuffling it is possible, but not easy. My trimming and gilting experiments have improved it much in my eyes, but nonetheless... Not exactly a fine example of great quality printing as far as cardstock is concerned.

My Favorite Majors: The World

So, here we are: end of the line, last of the majors to pick favorites for. I've really enjoyed going through each of them one by one, picking the cards I liked most from my collection, pondering why it was that those were the ones I enjoyed most. Also, interestingly enough, posts from this series seem to be, by far, the most often viewed ones on this blog :0

Anyway, yes, the World - a card of success and completion and fulfillment, journeys coming to an end. A lot of decks tend to hew to the same basic concept illustrated in both RWS and TdM, though with their own various takes on it. In general, its not a card I have many qualms with in most decks, though also...rarely a favorite.

I had trouble choosing two out of the three I narrowed down my selection to - and well, since this IS the last card in the series, figured what the hell, I can break my two card rule for a second (and last!) time ;]

XXI. World

Favorite:
Of all the many deck-variations on the traditional image of the woman inside the large wreath of accomplishment, I've long been very much partial to this one. I love the dynamic, sensual energy of it: the woman here isn't just standing there, but rather, seems to be dancing, celebrating. The feeling of acceptance, of confidence, of completions, success - all of that seems to be here, much more so than in other cards with similar imagery. Looking at this card, I can feel the meaning it is supposed to be representing.

Of course, the lovely use of color here certainly doesn't hurt. As my previous posts in this series probably have already made clear, I am very much a color-oriented person. The use of the yellow-gold as a background here works really well especially. Love the details in the wreath, the animals, and of course those pillars which surround all of the majors in this deck. Stained glass effect works wonderfully here.

Runners Up:
As for these two, I couldn't quite decide between them because...they are so very DIFFERENT, and yet, both have aspects to them I really like. For the Aquarian World card - well, it definitely does not have the kind of wild, dynamic energy I see in the other two, but makes up for that with...well, I must admit, I have long been very much a fan of art-nouveau and art-deco, and the application of those to this card, done so thoroughly, with such lovely thematic consistency and attention to detail...I just love it. The color scheme is lovely too - not one you see very often, but more striking because of it. I particularly enjoy how it has all the basic aspects of the RWS but...re-done, re-imagined, stylized so nicely.

As for the Thoth...I've written about this World card before, more than once. I really do love it. Naked woman of gold dancing with a snake and all that it can represent - oroboros, beginnings and ends; she is dynamic, the universe opening up quite literally behind her, intimate and public all at once. Stars, the outline of ancient structures...and that, all of that, is only the surface level of the card, my own intuition - how much more to read about, dig deeper in the other layers that the Thoth deck has to offer...yes, a worthwhile take indeed.

Possibility

Remember this; remember this:

You may lose things left and right - possessions, people you once knew, bits of yourself that once seemed important - but in the grand scheme of things, nothing is truly over, done with. Not as long as you can still run; not as long as there is still breath in your lungs, and thoughts in your mind, the possibility of movement.

You can always, always still move forward, seek a new spring, the green of new beginnings tight across the crags and crevices of your body. You can seek another adventure, a new quest, a new focus, something to seek. Seek to get higher than you are now, to rise.

See the world in spirals that rise and fall and rise again. Always, at the very least, possibility - run and leap and perhaps even fly, freed by air, weightless. Airy dreams: less than half a century ago men from two sides of the globe launched themselves into the stars, into space because they refused to believe that doing so was impossible.A bit over a year ago you drove with your cousin to an air field outside of Stockholm and allowed yourself to be pushed out of a plane, to plummet madly through air, laughing, to feel the sharp tug of an unfolding parachute pulling you up again.

That momentum, to launch into new things, to mix and concoct and try again and again, to discover. As long as you remember the attitude of the Fool you will always have at least that: possibility, the seed of swiftness and maybe one day, some day, flight.

My Favorite Majors: Judgement

Wow - up to the second-to-last in this favorite of major arcana series. What shall I follow with once this is through? Shall have to ponder that a bit...

Anyway, onto the card at hand. This one, I must admit, is funny in its own way in that...the message of the card, once I got the nuances relatively straightened out in my mind (such as Judgement vs. Justice, Judgement vs. Tower, etc), resonates quite strongly with me, and yet the actual IMAGERY in most decks does nothing for me, one of the most blah cards in the deck. This is likely to do with the fact that both the RWS and TdM traditions rather strongly reflect christian archetypes, particularly those to do with the afterlife and morality (ie. last judgement [for sins]) which, given my personal belief system, really don't do it for me at all. So in many ways and in many decks, reading this card comes down to reading despite the card image rather than through it.

There are of course, a number of exceptions, and these tend to be quite lovely. Was not too hard to pick my two favorites this time. I do realize that this series has a lot of repetition in terms of the decks that my choices come from but...what can I say? My favorite decks are favorites for a reason.

XX. Judgement 

Favorite:
I must say that really, I just LOVE the colors in both of these takes on the Judgement card. Nothing blah about these from an aesthetic perspective - quite the contrary really, the bright blue and orange jumps right out at you, demands some attention. The colors feel so alive, and I love the way that the sun illuminates the people at the bottom of the card in the Nusantara tarot. Speaking of those people - I've said it before and I'll say it again...I just adore how this deck manages to hew so closely to the spirit of the RWS, quite close enough to be considered a clone, and yet has its own take on everything, completely removed from the traditional western-centric christian-inspired aspects of the imagery. Instead of creepy zombie people crawling out of graves we see a group of various genders and ages rising up out of water, which to me encompasses the idea of listening to a call, reaching up for a new start, so much better. You have the trumpet metaphor, the higher being, angel, the rolling water - yes, listen, yes, it is time, yes choose, yes rise. The card speaks to me. The composition works really well too, and yeah. The colors...such eye candy for me....
 

Runner Up:
First of all, I know I've written a bit about my take on this card in past posts and don't want to repeat myself too much, but it really is one of several of the majors where...I so, so much appreciate and agree with the Crowley Thoth's take as opposed to the RWS...just makes so much more SENSE to my mind.  The ancient goddess nut stretching out over the world, the bold colors (interesting how closely these two cards mirror each other in color scheme!), the astrological association with pure elemental fire, renewal, the burning away of the old, new wild energy. The symbolism of the old god, the old ways, sitting static and tired in the background, small. And in front, the new god, young still, transparent, the coming of a new age, Aeon, transformation, deliberate, and you stay mindful of the old, the way that you can see through him, but that isn't you anymore, shouldn't be; time to leave it behind, listen, judge, choose what to take with you in the future, deliberate. Symbolism-rich and aesthetically stunning - what's not to love?

working on many things

So yeah, the interesting phenomenon of the mind doing funny things/being all over the place even when, externally, there seems to be no reason for why that should be so. This has been me, the last few days.

Drawing some cards and thinking on things a bit, I think this might at least partly be due to a case of too much of a good thing...in this case, getting a bit hyper-focused on my arabic studies. Now of course, being very focused on productive endeavors is not a bad thing, per se, but I find that...too much single-minded focuses, in whatever, really tends to...take things out of perspective. It's easy to become over-invested, especially emotionally, so that things that should be no big deal, or a small annoyance at most, suddenly start to seem momentous, or horridly morale-crushing, or whatever.

Nice as it is to really get INTO your work sometimes, it also raises stakes unnecessarily, and narrows your inner world. Blinders and all that.

I drew some cards from the Shadowscapes to clarify the message/advice from a draw with the Thoth (multi-decking, ha) and got the Emperor for like, the third time in almost as many days. This threw me a bit at first - is it in relation to my approach to the studying? Because really, I don't see how I could be MORE organized - color coded obsessive re-copying of notes into different notebooks organized by topic and all that - but the Ace of Wands gave me pause. There are a lot of cards I might associate with my studies here in Tunisia, the arabic but at this point...Ace of Wands doesn't really feel right for that.

Narrowing of focus again, you see? Impulse assuming that the draw has to be related to the thing foremost on my mind. But take a breath, perspective, zoom out, think wider: what could this be referring to? And after that - it came to me. Ace of Wands for new beginnings, new projects, self-fulfillment, growth, ambition. I am reminded of the fact that I still have NO idea where I will be living, or working/interning when I get back to DC after the summer. While the housing situation is not something I can really work on resolving just yet....working on updating my resume, throwing together some cover letter templates, applying to some positions for the fall - or at least, finding some potential places I could apply to later on in the summer? All certainly things I could get working on now.

I do have some difficulties with self-confidence, mostly because attempts to get 'good' jobs or internships have pretty much been uniformly unsuccessful in the past, but that's where the emperor comes in. Self-discipline to keep working on it, to try again.. Organization in how I approach things. Head held high and all that. It's something useful and productive, an investment in the future, in further new beginnings, and at the same time, it provides some of that much needed wider perspective so I don't get so obsessed and bothered by the little things.

Living in the moment IS good, in many ways but...like so many things, there can be too much of a good thing in that, too.

My Favorite Majors: The Tower

The Tower is, without a doubt, a major with a very well defined, strong message. Regardless of what deck I am working with, when THIS comes up in a reading, I have a good idea of where to begin reading/what it could mean. It's been kind of a theme in my thinking about life for a while now, so pretty familiar with this card, and actually do have a certain odd fondness for it.

That said, it was rather difficult to pick out favorite cards for this one - not because there were so many that I loved, but rather the opposite. Not that I actively dislike most tower cards more...I feel neutral towards many. They are nice enough, and they get their point across well. But very few, I find, really shine either aesthetically or conceptually.

XVI. Tower

Favorite:
There's a lot to like about this tower card, for me. Firstly, the color scheme makes a nice change from the warmer tones found in many Tower cards I've seen, all the runny blue and purple. I also like the idea of the tower as a tree type dwelling...once very alive, vibrant, now old and rotting. The lighting ignites it, which is in fact what happens in nature all the time to trees, and here we see the result. The burning of the branches and leaves, the coming apart of old things. The composition of the images is also quite nice and works well for really seeing what's going on in the card. It's a pretty simple tower card, overall, but the color and the metaphor especially really work for me.

Runner Up:
Another from the Thoth, ha. What can I say? There's a reason this deck so rapidly came to be one of my favorites... But yeah, the card is very...put together. The reddish-orange color scheme meshes perfectly with the card's Mars association; the black tones exemplify the darker, more difficult aspects well. Love the art style - it really is a visually stunning image, and one that really, really does not pull it's punches insofar as the meaning of it goes. Lots of great symbolism - the eye of shiva, the dove in the corner, the bars in the windows and doors of the breaking tower, the crystalline figures falling out of it, so afraid they will break apart when they fall... There really is  a lot to latch onto, and unsurprisingly, I've gotten some really good readings when this card came up in the spread, both for myself and others. And honestly, the mouth in the bottom corner of the card...silly amusement on one level, a certain extra level of fondness for the card.

Attitude Adjustment

So I've had the Ace of Swords come up in multiple readings and draws I've done in the last week, with both of the decks I've been working with. And well, it's not for no reason, unsurprisingly.

Aces are all about new beginnings, about starting afresh, about opportunities, open doors. In the Ace of Swords specifically we have the chance for well...a change in mindset, in attitude, in thought. How do you think, how do you analyze and assess and approach your life and the things that happen to you?

I quite like the symbolism in the Thoth ace. The sword is green - green for spring, for flowering, for growth. A crown above it for control, and light, and behind you can see more light growing, piercing through clouds and dark blue, the new day awaiting you, chances.

The Ace of Swords, being a sword, can also represent cutting away, a cleaner break from the old, which is not always easy but sometimes quite advantageous. There is, without a doubt, lots in my mind and outlook that I could do with letting go of, or at the very least of seriously refreshing, and well...

What better time to work on mental change when there is already so much physical change going on around you? For me at least, external changes do, at least in the short-term, provide a kind of momentum that can be quite difficult to grasp otherwise (perhaps this is why I change around my life so much in recent years?)

Right now, I am in the privileged position of having been able to get away from 'normal' life in a very significant way, and for a good bit of time. Why not try to use that to leverage something in my approach to life that could be of use when I get back? I always try very hard to to bring too much baggage of things from 'before' on new beginnings or adventures, but why not try to take that a step further and try from something more long-term? There certainly is room in my life for it.

I am in the middle of a four day trip with my language school to the south of Tunisia - there are long bus rides which I normally hate, and some challenges for me with food, as a vegan, but really, I can't remember the last time that I've felt so overall positive and fulfilled about things. Being social enough for my needs with classmates, learning a bit more arabic by chatting with the director of the school, taking lots of pictures of truly beautiful things... Being in the moment, and the moment is... just great. So yes, why not try to leverage this kind of feeling into something more...long-term? At the very least, trying to improve in that regard should ensure I get the most out of my experiences and have some great memories.

5W & H - Haven't Done One of These In a While...

Back around when I first started this blog, I tried out this exercise a couple times and liked it, then sort of...slipped my mind. Realized I've yet to do it with my Thoth (which I am still working with, if not so much on this blog) and figured...might as well give it a go!

The exercise can be found in the original on Zanna Starr's lovely blog, where her directions for it are as follows:

"For the 5W's and an H exercise, we use one Tarot card to answer the questions Who? What? When? Where? Why? and How? As an additional requirement, each answer can be only one phrase or sentence. The idea is to respond intuitively, without a lot of description or explanation."

Thoth Tarot - Emperor 

Who?

A strong, disciplined fellow. An authority figure, a leader who knows exactly the bounds of his duties and responsibilities. A person who is always organized, who has iron-will, who follows through on his commitments. A father figure.

What?

Inflexible rules, laws, requirements. Ambition, assertively followed through. Leadership skills, management. The strength to make difficult decisions. Obligation. The social contract. Power - personal and institutional. Masculinity. Order and discipline, of others and of the self.

When?

A time when a firm hand is needed. A time to be decisive. A time to charge into action. A time when you need one person firmly in control, acting swiftly. When everything must be put in its proper ordered. When stability and security are the priorities of the day.

Where?

At the top - in the throne room, in the penthouse suite, in the CEO's office. A place where chaos must be put to rest. A place with a firm history of tradition. Where a leadership vacuum waits to be filled. The 'old boy's club', the house of the patriarchy. Where there is fire to be mastered.

Why?

Because freedom and creativity can only take you so far without discipline, without follow-through, without some focus and guidance. Because everyone is beholden to someone. Because sometimes authority is what is needed to make sense of the chaos. Because sometimes, even when it isn't needed, a person like that can take command through sheer force of personality. Because most people want some kind of stability, even at a price.

How?

In a discipline, organized, methodical manner. Following a set schedule, a routine. Listening to a set of directions. Aggressively, assertively when necessary, with force. Sticking to the rules, the established way of doing things. Driven by external obligation. Straight-laced. With a crack of the whip, when necessary. With just a bit of fear.

dashing towards our hopes

I decided to try working with the Arcana Stones again this morning, this time in a shorter, more casual fashion. Ended up with one stone on one card: a nice, succint message for the day.

We have the Knight of Wands here, on his black horse. Saying this reminds me of that Knight Study series I was supposed to finish here, but...you can tell a lot about each of the knights from the position of their horses. Here, we see the animal rearing on its hind legs - that extra momentum, the energy pulling it up, but also a degree of combativeness not seen in any of the other suits. Fire, after all, is the most easily dangerous of the elements; fire burns.

Being a Knight, the card speaks not just of wild energy, of fierceness, but rather of all that controlled. The rider is experiences, wise enough to know when and what to harness, and how, in order to achieve his goal. He rides with his flaming baton at the ready. Like the other knights, he has his armor to protecting him - more physical in nature than that of the Swords Knight, but not so heavy as that of the Disks. Behind him we see the backgroound of curling glames, so much light and heat.. So much to do, yes, to take control over, energy directed in to action. He rides and he fights and he takes on what he must take on in order to achieve...

But what, exactly, is he doing all of that for? What drives him? I write a lot, both here and especially in my personal journey, about getting things done simply because you must, because it is necessary and there are no other options. And that is, indeed, a valid driving factor - yet, you cannot really get this kind of passion if THAT is what underlies everything. No, for this kind of more energetic, more enthusiastic, more driven approach...you need to have some kind of...hope, dreams, ideals.

The stone here is blue lace agate, signifying the Star. Aquarius major, the cool blue a contrast to the fire of the knight and yet... The star: dreams, hopes, the forces that keep you going. Wishes, grasping towards those far pinpoints of light in the night, in the darkness...

When something...Star-like is visible, near-graspable, clearly on the horizon...it becomes easier to motivate ourselves to approach the things, the obstacles, whatever, that seperate us from it with this kind of fiery enthusiasm: Scorpio and Sagittarius, grim determination and sheer optimistic drive, all focused towards that pretty, shiny blue in the distance...

Which is to say, this is whole reading is pretty much speaking to my efforts at getting my shite together/getting organized for my rapidly approaching Tunisia adventure. All the things I've been doing, and need to continue to do. It's not really in my nature to get truly 'excited' by most things, but...a little spark, slowly growing as everything comes together. Need to channel and direct that energy, keep knocking those things off the To Do list...