Cardstock: Highs and Lows

So back on the tarot forums, many a thread and comment can be found on the subject of cardstock. For some, this is a major dealbreaker when deciding whether to get or to keep a new deck. I don't take it as seriously as some - if a deck has enough other merits, I'll likely keep it almost irregardless of the cardstock's level of mediocrity. That said, it is something I note, and I figured it would be interesting to post about  my favorites as well as about some worst offenders from my own collection. This is of course highly subjective, based on my own particular likes and preferences; also, only somewhat correlated to my level of like for the deck overall.

FAVORITES

1. Thoth

When I first got the Thoth, it was a more recent printing, but after reading about the superiority of older copies, I eventually procured for myself a 1986 AGM printing. This is one of those decks I've done a bunch of things to: trimmed it, gilted the edges in a kind of bronze color, etc. There really is such a world of difference in the older printing and the current ones. The cardstock is much, much nicer on the old, and the colors are richer as well, with better contrasts. 

It shuffles very nicely. The smaller post-trim size is perfect for me, and...yeah. Not too thick or flimsy and not plasticky. Great with post over-hand and riffle shuffle methods.

2. Absurd

As I said in other post about it, I really do enjoy the cardstock of the Absurd tarot. The feel of it in particular is really nice - someone described it as buttery and I don't think that's inaccurate way of putting it.

It's a nice medium, not quite matte but not over-glossy, and it really brings out and plays up the contrast of black and white of the images really well. I love how nicely it shuffles, again, being great for either method.

3. Swedish Witch

Lastly, the cardstock of the Swedish Witch tarot I have is quite nice as well. Not sure exactly which edition/printing it may be...I bought it in a new age shop during my visit to Sweden last year and the box is probably somewhere in the depths of my parents' house by now. After trimming it a bit, the size is again exactly how I prefer my decks to be, and overall, I find it quite similar to the Thoth in feel. I have no issues shuffling it in any way, it doesn't feel stiff or floppy, and it showcases the colors of the images quite nicely.

WORST OFFENDERS

1. Light and Shadow

I had such high hope for this deck, and I still do really like the actual images of the cards and how it reads, but well - as far as cardstock goes, ugh. The cards are huge and impossible to trim much. Not only that, but they are flimsy, floppy, and very plasticky feeling. Huge floppy cards do not for fun shuffling times make.

They also, for some bizarre reason (I've not encountered this on any other deck thus far) put plastic on the EDGES so that any attempt at gilting them is...not very successful.

This could be such an awesome deck, but the horrid cardstock instead places it rather far down on my list as far as preference goes. Publisher really did it a disservice :/

2. Corte dei Tarocchi

Ok, so first of all, I do get that this one was printer more as a collectors item than with reading in mind. That said, I have a thing about reading with ALL of my decks, and well.

In my life, I have not seen a deck with cardstock thicker than the cardstock of the Corte dei Tarocchi. Or even close to it. The whole deck stands in a tall, tall stack, and shuffling it all at once in any way is exceeding difficult. I've even had to adjust my method of choosing cards to ensure its properly mixed/random.

That said, it does feel nice (if unlaminated/delicate) and overall I do quite enjoy this deck muchly. But the shuffling.....

3. Sun and Moon

This is one of my favorites, but in the wider online tarot community, it seems to engender rather varied opinions. Some people, like me, quite like it; others have a very low opinion indeed. Among the latter, the cardstock quality is often mentioned, and in that regard, I really cannot argue. I love this deck in spite of its cardstock, because its other merits are just that high, for me.

Whats wrong with it? Well, to its advantage it isn't uber-glossy like some USG decks of recent years, but...cardboardy would be an accurate way of describing it. Moderately thick and really really stiff. Shuffling it is possible, but not easy. My trimming and gilting experiments have improved it much in my eyes, but nonetheless... Not exactly a fine example of great quality printing as far as cardstock is concerned.

My Favorite Majors: The Moon

So the Moon...tricky major for a tricky concept, I suppose. The Moon has always been a card, kind of like the High Priestess actually, where I kind of instinctively KNOW what it is talking about and yet it is often difficult for me to put that properly into words, both in general and sometimes, in the context of a reading as well. Now that I think about it, perhaps this makes the actual art in a deck especially important: for cards where I am comfortable with the meaning, know how to articulate it well, any art will do; it might add nice extra layers or nuance, but the basics can be applied to anything. On the other hand, with something a bit less...clear...art can really help or challenge you, depending.

In general, the moon is kind of the opposite of the Star for me, art-wise. In this case, few decks have a Moon card that I really find stunning, even many of my most favorite decks... But of course, going through my collection I did indeed manage to find and choose two that are quite lovely.

XVIII. Moon

Favorite:
Simple/small thing though it may seem to be, one of the things I like best about this card is the color scheme. The slightly muted purples go perfectly with the back, grey, and white, and the combination gives the card a moodiness that fits just PERFECTLY with the meanings of the card, for me. I love the water and moon connection, and the way that the dog is incorporated here. Usually we have the dog or dog-like figures in moon cards howling or standing guard, but here it is swimming in the water - at once both struggling to stay afloat (very in keeping with the card's meaning) and also, potentially, providing some much needed comfort/companionship for the woman sitting in the crescent moon above. I love her posture there, so very much embodying...apathy, depression, indecision, uncertainty, despair...the way she sits on and at once becomes the moon, and the scorpion-tail there too, warning of danger and secrets and lies, potentially...the art is pretty straightforward stylistically, but very much to read here from my perspective. This take on the moon, everything together, just really speaks to me.

Runner Up:
Another lovely gem from the Light and Shadow tarot here. If it wasn't for the unfortunate size and cardstock, this really would be one of my top decks, I think. The black and white color scheme is great in general, and works especially well for a Moon card, to me at least. It's the details though, that really make this image shine for me. I love the contrast between the two dogs, the one on the left looking extremely aggressive, the one on the right far too sad, apathetic. I love how the water between them, with the lobster/crab at its foot, slowly turns into a bed, into night and dreams and the land of the not-quite real. Are those two towers even real, then? The art itself leaves you with questions and uncertainty, a certain blur in concept that fits perfectly with what the Moon means. The actual crescent itself here seems to be sleeping contentedly, but given everything else we see on the card...well, lots of room to interpret, shall we say. Lots of food for thought here.

pondering opportunity costs

You may try to tell yourself differently sometimes, convince yourself that you can have it all, do it all, that you can hold onto all the strings and still accomplish everything you want..but the truth is, everything has opportunity costs. Everything involves trade-offs, even if they are only implicit ones, theoretical . Taking on something necessitates sacrifice - if not of something you are already committed to, then of the energy needed for more.

That's the thing, you see. You tell yourself you can keep on going with all of it, that you don't need to put down the old sword to pick up the new. Another class? A new job? Another set of burdens when you already have so many others on your plate? A new project? Sure, sure why not. And stubbornly you insist that you can hold onto all of it, that you won't have to set anything aside...and maybe you won't, technically. Maybe you really do have the upper body strength, or the masochistic pure force of will to keep holding both of those swords high above your head through the night... But the extra toll it takes, to keep those swords raised? That exquisite kind of tired-muscle pain? All the concentration it requires, to keep that perfect careful balance, that precarious sense of equilibrium? That is a COST too. That takes something from you, out of you...

An economic concept really, opportunity costs, the idea that nothing is really free. An hour spent at a public park - free, right? It costs you nothing but time. And yet...if you spent that hour working, you would make however much your hourly wage is, right? So really, the cost is there: that wage you choose to give up to enjoy the sun, the fresh air...

You become more aware of it the more frequently you find yourself in situations of...difficulty, too much starting of new things, too much refusing to let go of the old... And yet, what can you do, if those old burdens are just things you cannot give up - too dear to you, tied too deeply into the person you are, or just so ingrained you have no idea of how to even go about leaving them behind? What if the cost of NOT taking up that new adventure, that new possibility, is even higher than the cost of having to learn to balance even more?

You accept it. You accept the cost of what you might take on and what you will not be able to do as a result. Accept that you will have to find a way to somehow balance even more, hold up even heavier swords, make an even more precarious situation work...and so you do, and so it goes. At every new possibility the question: is it worth it, the cost of going this way? Is it worth it, the cost of letting the chance pass by?

What would be heavier in the end - the burden of the effort, or the burden of regret? Sometimes you do not know for sure, cannot see ahead of you. Choice and faith. Balance, balance. How heavy a set of swords are you willing and able to hold up? How long can you keep at it?

a time for self-discipline

The Emperor has come up several times in the last few days as part of the little quick draws I do for myself. I can't say that I don't see why, considering all that is going on...

I like this take on the Emperor. The style of this deck is very...compelling and at times, quite open to interpretation. He stands holding a rams-head wand at that maltese cross thing, pure thoth-influence there, the symbols of his power, authority, the astrological influence of Aries...but look, that emblem with the symbols of the fourth suits...is that a robe he is wearing, a part of him? Is it a podum he is standing in front of? Hard to tell, exactly... Behind him we see houses, buildings, the tangible, physical world but all of it is a jumble, a mess of chaos, a lack of clarity...and he stands before it, steady, cloaked in a balance of black and white, the laurel coming out of his crown. Ready to take command, to exert his will on what is around him, to delineate, organize, take control...

Yes, I do understand why this particular message is repeating itself for me, in different variations. I have been constantly working at it, trying to get things done. To boot, there seem to be a growing number of things outside my schoolwork that I need to deal with too. I am not, in fact, the most super organized, attention-to-detail person naturally. So many things on my plate makes me feel overwhelmed. I try to work on it, make to do lists galore to keep myself accountable, try to work out precise schedules for what/where/when I am going to do...

I have made progress. About half of the school things I needed to do have been done. If I can get through what I need to finish by Thursday, I can pretty much relax for the rest of the semester. The little bit after that will be no problem at all...Progress, yes, forward movement. I got the 8 of wands alongside the Emperor sometime during the weekend - Saturday, I think. Mercury in Sagittarius, a card of deliberate, empowered, optimistic forward movement indeed. Here instead of flying, the wands are growing upwards, growing strong under the auspices of that rainbow, the bands of light, energy. With determination, organization, and self-discipline you WILL get through this, will make the progress you need to make, and do it well. Just go. Self-discipline to keep on going. It was a message I rather needed to hear...I spent most of the weekend trying not to cry because of intense nerve type tooth pain. And yet, nonetheless, I did get two presentations done, both of which went well. I forced myself to go to the library and work and read and meet with my group and do what I needed to do anyway, and it led to good things.

Today the Emperor showed up again, this time with the 10 of pentacles. Mercury in Virgo, this time. Taking that Magus-intellect-empowerment energy and focusing it on the pragmatic, the earth-realm, the obligatory. The 10 of pentacles is such a dual card really...on the one hand, it speaks of material success, of wealth, of accomplishment. On the other, of duty, of obligation, of the strings that bind you to others. Responsibility that comes with having what you have. The man sits, around him all that he has gathered, achieved. He is at once satisfied and utterly exhausted by his efforts. And yet, around the corner, beyond that arch, there is a child, young, giddy, ready to play. There is a castle waiting to be explored, a new adventure, if only he can satisfy the duties, the obligations he has inside...

The home stretch, this. Don't drop the ball now. Keep on with the efforts to organize what you need to do, to plan your time exactly and follow through as best you can, to work and work and work until the work is over. It will be worth it. You will have time to catch your breath. And the rest will perhaps, seem less overwhelming and more exciting once these current obligations are satisfied.

So yes, take control. Force everything else away from your mind. Bring order to that messy jumble of thoughts and ideas. Self-discipline to move foward and keep moving forward until everything you must do has been dealt with.

the freedom that comes from constraint

(so this started off with me trying to do the memory exercise again and turned into a bit of a free association ramble/pondering thing as well...)

I remember, a couple of years ago, some day during the summer...meeting up with a few friends and going skating on Governor's Island in NYC. It's a really nice place to skate and bike, a large loop around the island, smoothly paved, no cars to have to avoid... We were joking around, beeing silly. I found some kind of rope type thing, and kept turning it into restraints, a pseudo-noose, or leash, horsing around until I made them nervous enough to take the thing away from me. It was silly, all of it, but a very nice day.

For a while after that I wanted to go back, go skating there again, but all of us coordinating schedules around work and other committments...it never seemed to happen. The next summer, again, hey lets go skating sometime, and we'd agree, and then it wouldn't happen. I spent days stuck in my house, gripped  by a kind of ennui, paralysis, a certain lack of energy or motivation to do much of anything. I kept wishing that someone would please drag me out to do something fun. Finally, one day I just put my rollerblades in my bag and made the commute, took the two ferries needed to get from where I was to there, and spent hours and hours just going around the island by myself, enjoying it, enjoying that I could go on as long as I liked, until my body physically refused to go any further. I didn't have to stop, to wait around for someone else to catch their breathe, to leave before I wanted because everyone else had had enough.

Having done it once, enjoyably, there was the freedom of the realization, backed up now by experience: I can do this whenever I like. I don't need to sit around, waiting for anyone else. Being alone is not, in fact, a constraint.

And so it is, that fact about the situations that bog you down, that get you stuck. The fact about difficulties, and constraints, and limitations and obstacles, whether without or within: without them, life would be easier, more pleasant. By overcoming them, we grow. Academia is this card for me to a large part, it feels like, right now. Every time I finish something, drive myself to the very edge of physical and mental exhaustion to get something done....I turn and there is more, more still to be done. Stuck in the school library, in front of computer screen night after night...and yet, I wanted all this. I knowingly chose to go back to school, to go back to this reality.

You can learn a lot from simply reading books. I could have stayed at my unchallenging dead end, but relatively comfortable job longer, going to the bookstore up the street after work to read, read, and been satisfied with that. But...it doesn't challenge you the same way. It is pleasant, and certainly educational to read a book about a subject you do not know much about...but it just doesn't force those mental cogs to spin at their full potential, not the way that reading several different sources, and having to critically think and apply larger concepts, and create a well reasoned thesis, and argue it efficiently in a set number of pages to be done by a certain time does.

When I feel tired, sick, so stressed I cannot really eat for days, when my tooth still hurts and I have all these other things I need to deal with, and I must still show up for work...and when I have to do those academic  things...the feeling of being pushed to the very edge of capabilities...the swords, closing in around you, the binding voice that says you cannot, cannot handle it all...when you in fact do...the feeling of accomplishment, empowerment...it is something that just reading a book on your own in free time, and saying yay, now I know about this...just doesn't match.

It makes me think of the much larger 8 of swords kind of situations/issues in my life...the question of who I could be, what I could do if I somehow managed to extricate myself from all of THAT...

And yes, the freedom of learning that doing things alone does not have to be a limitation. That is also a big one for me, being a solitary sort much of the time. I am...in the process of...potentially arranging something that, if it worked out...I would be off by myself in a certain North African country for ten weeks, quite soon actually. In a way that is pretty intimidating...especially since there is so much societal messages around 'women shouldn't do ____ alone" which pretty much includes travel to foreign, developing, muslim countries....and yet, it's such a silly thing to be limited by because...where would that leave me? If I have no friends or partner that share my interests or ambitions I should simply never go anywhere interesting, when in fact I do enjoy adventures on my own? No, I don't thinks so...

So yes, the 8 of Swords scenario...perhaps never pleasant in the moment, but in the larger scheme of things, not necessarily a bad thing at all. Having spent all that time tied up, stuck in one place...how much more amazing will it feel afterwards, to be able to run?

and on and on we go...

Nothing too long, deep, or insightful to write today. Perhaps not the most coherent...haven't really slept in like a day. Still at it, type type, read read, trying to get it all done before this evening.

Pulled this card this morning. Had a very encouraging little quick draw from my Thoth last night right when I really needed it, and this too, seems to me along the same lines. I love how very, very dynamic the princess is here. Love the goats in Thoth-influenced decks, I must say. Goats are one of my favorite animals. But yes, love how she is running with it, slingshot read, bold, ready to learn and explore by doing, out there with nature, out in the world, challenging herself. On the one hand, the metaphorical student-me I see, in this card. I always kind of associate the more studious parts of my life with this court, actually. On the other hand, with all the movement in the card, a very apt additional message indeed:

Yes, sure, you can succeed and handle this challenge. If you get to DOING it. Why are you pulling cards instead of writing now? Act act, run run, go go. Intellectual athletics this is, yes.

The details in this deck really are great, though, if you take the time to really look at the cards...

Anyway, before I go back to my goat, er, work...following up on this reading from last week...my new shiny, in a pretty case from Etsy, named Logos Tehuti (I name all my electronic devices, ha. My ipod is Aleister...)

keep on keeping on

Once again we have two cards here that are quite appropriate to my life right now. First of all the Ace of Swords - again a definite Thothy influence here. It stands pointing upwards, piercing a crown of light, while the hilt is in the shape of a bird. Freedom, flight forward, towards the new, above the world with old clouds receding and creation, cutting off the old and plunging into the new, illuminating everything. Paired with that we have the three of pentacles, Mars in Capricorn: a certain kind of active, stubborn determination. You are doing, and you will KEEP doing until you get it all DONE, no matter how much effort and energy it takes from your part. Fire in earth indeed. It is more than that, though. The artisan, the stained glass window painter...he is enjoying his work, in that image. He has the knowledge, and the tools ready in his belt, and he is going at it, creating something wonderful, something that he can be proud of. He's been preparing for this task, and now that it's here in front of him, he plunges right into it, ready.

I'm really not unlike this craftsman right now, though my efforts, as the Ace indicates, are more intellectual endeavors. One of my major research papers is due tomorrow evening, for my cyber war class. I already have the outline written out, detailed notes of the paper, this new task, that I want to create. It's been difficult though, to get myself to actually sit down and do the hard work of getting a rough draft typed out, then revising, then revising again, then adding proper footnote/endnote citations, then reviewing one last time, etc. I suppose, as always, I get apprehensive, nervous when it comes time to do it. Hard to focus and concentrate. But I must, and I can, and as the 3 of pentacles points out, I really do want to. I really like my idea and want to argue it well, make a good point. In a way...well, I am in this heavily male dominated class in a somewhat male dominated program/field, studying a topic that I pretty much had no prior knowledge of, and one that combines two fields ladies aren't normally associated with excelling in...and if I can do this, prove to both my inner feminist and my inner individualist that I can do this, and WELL, that yes, regardless of what topic you throw at me, I can learn it and then can critically engage with the material? I will feel proud, accomplished.

And as the Ace points out, once I write this I am done with this class and can focus on finishing other things, getting done with everything and started on the new, excited possibilities in front of me for the near future...which...birds, air, there is a growing possibility I may be flying somewhere exciting...

Questions and Quotes

Just a quick draw to familiarize with the new deck I shall be working with alongside of the Thoth for a while...pleasantly surprised tor realize that Light & Shadow tarot has definite Thothy influence, including astrology symbols on the minors. Shall be interesting to work with.

This pair of cards is very much...apropos to a lot of what's going on with me right now, as referenced in the previous post. Decisions that need to be made, possibilities in front of me, which in some moments are madly exciting and in other moments leave me feeling...afraid, lonely, deeply uncertain. Everything has opportunity costs, trade-offs, different proportions and weights of benefits and costs and how do you decide, how can you be sure of anything, really? How do you figure out what is reckless and what is amazing, and whether what you need is to take time to re-build your strength or to dig deeper, find what's already there? What happens when the different options each require a different kind of optimism, faith, a different kind of courage? When you are so very much exhausted by the things you must accomplish right now, and must somehow still try to make sense of all this? How do you decide?

“Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go.”

- T.S. Eliot

“Come to the edge.”

“We can't. We're afraid.”

“Come to the edge.”

“We can't. We will fall!”

“Come to the edge.” 

And they came.

And he pushed them. 

And they flew.

- Guillaume Apollinaire   

"The important thing is this: To be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become."

- Charles DuBois

My Favorite Majors: The Chariot

The Chariot is a pretty cool major. It brings an interesting mix of concepts to the table, because on the one hand, it means good things: victory, success, battle won, good job! But on the other, it is a BATTLE won, not the war, and it was won because of your ability to take control of opposing forces within and without. It comes as an interesting place in the progression of the arcana, and of course, the association with Cancer... ;]

Anyway, though, it took a good bit of thinking and pondering for me to settle on my favorites for this card...a good number of decks did not have Chariots I found particularly interesting, while those that did...it was hard to choose between them. But well, here they are.

VI. Chariot

Favorite:
I surprised myself with this one, because this wasn't originally a deck I thought to look to when considering my favorite Chariot card. Once I saw it though, I really did like the concept. The idea of a buddha type figure as the charioteer makes a LOT of sense given the conceptual ideas associated with what's necessary for the success described by this card. There's something about the way he is sitting in that lotus position, cradling the crab that just says, YES, YES, that is what this card is about to me. The way that the chariot is drawn, the perspective...is funky, but in an intriguing way. I like that the chariot is pulled by the bull and the...actually i'm not sure what the second beast is, exactly, but the juxtaposition of those two, and the black and white contrast...its a very interesting card, visually, and it really captures the essence of this major for me.

Runner Up:
This was one of several very pretty Chariot cards from among my decks that I had a really difficult time deciding between. Ultimately though, there's a lot I like about this one. I really dig the water association, the fact that the Chariot is riding over the waves...interesting metaphorical significance there, and ties with the cancer associations quite nicely too. Again I really like the perspective...the way you can see the castle and clouds above in the distance, the chariot, and also beneath the water, the patient turtles and the cancer crab aglow. Love the capricorn-like beasts pulling the chariot as well, aesthetic appeal there for me too. The attitude and posture of the chariot figure is spot on for me too, a kind of self-assured, I don't even need to hold the reigns right now because this chariot WILL do what I want...and like that it is a lady here, too. It's traditionally a male figure in this card, but why shouldn't a lady be able to do just the same? So yes, lovely card, lovely art, lovely composition and use of color.

reflecting on conflict

Got some new ink pads and have been playing at gilting some of my deck edges. Was doing a bit with Light and Shadow and decided to draw a card while I was at it. Despite the size of it (I like my decks SMALL, not huge; this is a major reason why I've developed such a penchant for deck trimming...) it really is a charming deck...

The Prince of Swords. He rides an eagle, sword at the ready, off to battle at any moment, excited. The eagle too, holds butterflies in its beak. The prince of swords, with his impetuous energy, his recklessness, his violent tendencies. And how many princes like this, or knights, or warlords, or whatever you want to call them, are there, have there been, will there be?

I'm sitting here, hours past midnight, drinking coffee and forcing myself to finish reading about the 19th century Mahdist rebellion in the Sudan. Dates and figures and reasons. This man studied here and here with this and that religious figure, took up this and that position, gathered followers and fighters with these words. And they fought here and here for these reasons. They used this and that as propaganda. And they fought against these men under the command of this man and when that didn't go so well this man was put in charge. There was a battle here and so many people died. Fields were destroyed here to deprive the rebels of sustenance. They moved here. There was another battle. This reasoning was used to continue the struggle. And so on, and so forth.

What the reading doesn't mention, what the HISTORICAL readings rarely do, is the human cost: how many people were displaced? How many villages destroyed? How many civilians died in the chaos? How many starved? Where were their bodies buried? How long did their children mourn? And would the god for which they ostensibly fought have approved of this? Yes, well why? Oh, that reasoning, that doctrine. And how many of the men following the leader into battle BELIEVED in that and how many, like this prince, just wanted the chance to pick up a sword, to show themselves capable at the "Art of War"?

Always the reasoning, the CAUSE: for these men religion and for these men nationalism and for these men colonialism and economic exploitation and political domination and always the youths to follow and always the same grim results and on and on it goes. History books are filled and we read them with interest or horror or indifference and if there was something particularly shocking maybe we gasp and say never again and then watch it happen again somewhere far away where men's skins are colored different than our own and pretend it isn't happening and so it goes. Reminds me of a poem I wrote a while ago...

The glory
of ancient Greece,
Persia and Rome was once
overwhelming.
Perhaps their odes,
their many tomes
of words can account
for their renown.
But perhaps it was swords,
chariots, shields and ships
that pushed their wonders
down the throats
of men around the world.
Perhaps the only
sounds that glory needs
are grunts and shrieks,
the swoosh and clang
of blades hitting blades,
cutting skin;
Perhaps men, seeking
always to bask in its awe
will crave war
for all of eternity.