drifting, climbing and falling

Drifting, drifting a part of you always feels, paddling in this half-world limbo between dusk and dawn. You cradle the moon that holds and that menaces with its scorpion tale - careful, no sudden movements and always that bit of the madness the why not if it does...

The the moonlight reflects in the waters below. How deep are they, these waters? Who can really see beneath the waves, beneath the darkness and light reflected, stillness and ripples that spread across as you paddle and swim, head above and breath and breath, remember, that part it is important, yes.

There is a kind of calm here too in the stillness, the silence, the familiarity. You close your eyes. Are you tired, exhausted? Is that apathy showing, resignation to the things that cannot be changed? Or is it merely a momentary shutting of the eyelids in preparation for something else? Hard to know anything for sure. The darkness and moonlight are full of illusion, fog that covers and obscures, questions.

There is more, of course, then the Moon, the sound of splashing waves. There is the real world, the world around you that you can see and touch, explore. Here you would climb onto rooftops, work carefully, wielding those tools, building up towards...something.

So many waves here too, of a completely different sort. Invisible waves which fill the air and the sky with signal and knowledge, so much knowledge spread in so intangible a form. Waves and waves that connect you to people in little houses and windows so far away. You spread your own words and find that of others. Speak and listen and learn. How much possibility, opportunity did you gain from those waves, from voices and images broadcast over such distances? Where would you be without them?

A contrast to the moon, to isolation, to meditation with a focus on within. Here is the world, close by even when it is so very far. Here is reaching out and grasping and forcing yourself to learn to do things so you can grasp all that much more. Waves in air - you will never see them, never splash and swim in them and yet...here you are, windows open in a room, listening to a poem recited in another language as you pull cards because it is beautiful, calming.

And farther out still from yourself, from the world around you, there is space, the universe, things so large and so abstract as to be impossible to truly quantify or imagine - for you at least; you will never be a physicist, a mathematician.

Tree trunk and leaves and fire-colored flowers, earth and whimsy, fall through that space, the glittering darkness. You laugh while falling, laugh at all you cannot see and cannot control. What are you falling towards, and does it matter? In a way this space, this absence of, makes all things at once quite close and very far away indeed. Like memory - the smell of jasmine flowers, the little potted plant on your dresser starting to bloom; nostalgia for the bush that grew on the wall of your landlord's courtyard under the hot summer sun, the little boys who tried to sell necklaces and bushels of the plaited, aromatic flowers, "one dinar, one dinar". Close and far, you fall away from things and into other things and you laugh though sometimes, often you land ungracefully, with a thunk, with pain and groans.

Dreams, abstractions, ideas, memories, flights of fancy, carelessness. Which is more overwhelming - to be drifting through waters of you, you, so much you or to plunge downwards through so much vastness, the realization that you are really so very small and there is so much you will never see or know? A matter of perspective as always - you live all three at these at once, every day.

Weekend Follow-Up

Haven't been around here last few days, mostly because I spent my weekend having a really, really nice time at a local science-fiction and fantasy book convention with a couple of friends. I enjoyed myself more than I have in a while, and thus thought it might be useful to do a bit of a reflective reading, along the lines of:

What should I take away from my weekend experience/what should I carry forward into the week ahead.

Interesting pair of cards as an answer, here. What draws my attention particularly is the kind of dual-ended inverse nature of these images. The Magician seems less upright than usually depicted, more floating and dreaming, his tools orbiting him but not quite in his grip. The moon card in contrast, seems full of a kind of self-confident calm, more empowered than disturbed. There is a very starry, spacey theme throughout, which oddly enough is rather appropriate in certain ways.

In the Magician, perhaps, the message of taking control of what you can without that kind of need to try to control EVERYTHING; self-confidence but also a willingness to go with the flow of things, to be flexible. To take and work with what you have in front of you at any given time, but also not to be afraid to initiate, to make things you want in your life happen...I was actually a bit surprised with how comfortable socially I felt most of the weekend. It also served as a reminder of how fun it is to spend time with people who share you interest in certain activities. I've already made it a point in the last year to attend the local monthly tarot group when I can, but thinking I might try to find some local meetups for gaming (not video games, old school card and board games), perhaps some kind of book club.

The moon, on the other hand, seems a reminder of the positive aspects of connecting with creative, intuitive, dream side of myself. I have kept up with tarot work and this blog, but in terms of other creative endeavors, not much has been happening recently. I went to a writing workshop during the convention, and it reminded me of how much I used to...enjoy creative writing. I got an idea for a story that has to do with space magic and air magic, a secret society of skydivers and a search for aging former cosmonauts who may be the key to solving a crisis that is slowly unfolding... perhaps, rather than letting that idea slowly fade from my mind as I focus again on schoolwork and day to day tasks I should take the initiative of making the time to actually...write it, do something with it...

Initiative, Intuitive Creativity, Flexible confidence. Themes of the week.

tricky balance - logic and intuition

So to be honest, much as I love it overall, the court cards are my least favorite part of this deck, and really, excepting the knights, possibly among my least favorite of courts in general. There's just something about the people in them that...doesn't do much for me...

That said, we have the Queen of Swords and the Moon. The Queen is bathed in a kind of blue light, illuminated from the crown of her head, her mind - she is of course ruled by logic, the element of air.  Sharp-minded, perhaps a bit of a cynic, perhaps molded in some ways by past suffering, willing to be ruthless when necessary, the fan in her hand made up of daggers... And what does such a queen do when confronted by the kind of situation represented by the Moon card? So much uncertainty, fog, indecision, muddle-mindedness, deception, lies, mental instability...so many questions and so few clear answers...

On the one hand, logic can be useful, a knife to cut through that fog with, to organize a response, make some kind of path to follow. Logic can give you something to ground yourself with when emotions feel like something too tricky, something you cannot trust. Subjective-you feels so confused, upset, scared - so fine, do the objectively logical thing, whatever that is, yes.

That can be a weakness too, though - sometimes our gut instinct, our emotional response, is just as valid as any attempt at logic...not least because no one, no matter how much they may say they identify with the queen or king of swords, is really divorced from their feelings. Actually, looking at these two together, I'm reminded of a certain book I haven't read in its entirety but have read various parts and excerpts. It's called The Gift of Fear and basically the author's assertion throughout is that sometimes, some situation just instinctively feels wrong. Something scares you, makes your feel uncomfortable, creeped out, whatever. And in the moment, there may not be ANY logical reason you can think of for your feelings - that logical part of your brain simply cannot work quickly enough to catch up to what your intuition already feels. Yet, if you allow yourself to 'logic away' those negative emotions...well, in worst-case scenarios, can lead to some major danger indeed...

Even in less extreme situations, sometimes your intuition, emotions, instinct, have important messages that your really should listen to. I think that more logic-inclined folks sometimes have this tendency - which I certainly have been guilty of - of believing that that 'logical' approach is [almost] always superior. After all, logic is clear. You can lay it out, explain, draw on external validation whereas 'this is just the way I feel' can seem so...insubstantial. And yet...time and place for everything; how you feel about something IS important, too.

So yes, drawback and benefits both, to the Queen of Swords approach. Worthwhile to keep that in mind...

getting back into the swing of things

 So, it's been a bit of a while. Things have been rather busy/stressful in many ways, and I ended up taking a bit longer of a break from tarot and blogging than I had expected to. Have started working with the cards a bit more again, not so much deck-hopping at this point as just sticking with my Navigators of the Mystic SEA deck...

I really enjoy working with this deck, especially using the accompanying book for clarification/deeper explanation of the images. Today's draw, like many I do with it, really got to the crux of things in terms of useful insight. See, I've been telling myself that the card break was because I was too busy, too stressed, to overwhelmed to stretch my energies to keep doing this, too. But that wasn't the entire truth. The fact is, busy as I have been, I still found time to do other things...lose myself in fiction books, watching episodes of newly discovered TV shows online, sleeping too much or too little...certain oher less positive coping mechanisms... gratification, in-the-moment self-indulgence, escapism, all those things that the moon so speaks to, as a concept...

What particularly strikes me in the image here is the harp at the forefront. Like the tarot, a harp can be seen as an instrument, a tool, something meaningful, something that can make beautiful music or messages, something that allows you to, at times, transcend mundane reality, search for something greater...and here it lies cast aside, choked even, gasping. And does the figure, lying surrounded by wine glass, poppies, dream-creatures, look better for this lack? No, not at all.

Time for some fortitude again, then. I have found time for tarot in times even more busy and stressful than this last weeks have been, and have been better for having something to ground me. Time to light the torches, blow the trumpets, and face whatever waves - internal or external - that may come crashing towards us. Time for facing reality head on, without illusion, without hiding or sticking head in sand or focusing on anything but the things that need to be dealt with most. 

My Favorite Majors: The Moon

So the Moon...tricky major for a tricky concept, I suppose. The Moon has always been a card, kind of like the High Priestess actually, where I kind of instinctively KNOW what it is talking about and yet it is often difficult for me to put that properly into words, both in general and sometimes, in the context of a reading as well. Now that I think about it, perhaps this makes the actual art in a deck especially important: for cards where I am comfortable with the meaning, know how to articulate it well, any art will do; it might add nice extra layers or nuance, but the basics can be applied to anything. On the other hand, with something a bit less...clear...art can really help or challenge you, depending.

In general, the moon is kind of the opposite of the Star for me, art-wise. In this case, few decks have a Moon card that I really find stunning, even many of my most favorite decks... But of course, going through my collection I did indeed manage to find and choose two that are quite lovely.

XVIII. Moon

Favorite:
Simple/small thing though it may seem to be, one of the things I like best about this card is the color scheme. The slightly muted purples go perfectly with the back, grey, and white, and the combination gives the card a moodiness that fits just PERFECTLY with the meanings of the card, for me. I love the water and moon connection, and the way that the dog is incorporated here. Usually we have the dog or dog-like figures in moon cards howling or standing guard, but here it is swimming in the water - at once both struggling to stay afloat (very in keeping with the card's meaning) and also, potentially, providing some much needed comfort/companionship for the woman sitting in the crescent moon above. I love her posture there, so very much embodying...apathy, depression, indecision, uncertainty, despair...the way she sits on and at once becomes the moon, and the scorpion-tail there too, warning of danger and secrets and lies, potentially...the art is pretty straightforward stylistically, but very much to read here from my perspective. This take on the moon, everything together, just really speaks to me.

Runner Up:
Another lovely gem from the Light and Shadow tarot here. If it wasn't for the unfortunate size and cardstock, this really would be one of my top decks, I think. The black and white color scheme is great in general, and works especially well for a Moon card, to me at least. It's the details though, that really make this image shine for me. I love the contrast between the two dogs, the one on the left looking extremely aggressive, the one on the right far too sad, apathetic. I love how the water between them, with the lobster/crab at its foot, slowly turns into a bed, into night and dreams and the land of the not-quite real. Are those two towers even real, then? The art itself leaves you with questions and uncertainty, a certain blur in concept that fits perfectly with what the Moon means. The actual crescent itself here seems to be sleeping contentedly, but given everything else we see on the card...well, lots of room to interpret, shall we say. Lots of food for thought here.

Reinforcing the message

Sometimes I read about specific issues, or with specific focuses, or using specific exercises in mind. Other times though, I find it interesting to just draw cards with absolutely no questions or ideas in mind, and just see what pops up. I trend I notice with that is that...the cards tend to return to the same themes, the same ideas that I apparently need to hear. This holds true even when I switch decks - and apparently, mediums.

I wrote about Attitude Adjustment a little while ago, while on the trip to the south of the country. To be honest, while it HAS been on my mind, as I've settled into a more regular routine here in Tunis...well, let's just say it's always easier to settle back into old/established thought/action patterns than it is to really do the work of creating new ones. Which isn't to say I've failed utterly at this just....not doing as much as I could be. Anyway, part of yesterdays random/daily draws with my VRR, and then this mornings on-a-whim work with the Arcana Stones really kind of caught my attention/amused me...

ANOTHER version of the Ace of Swords card, this time coming up as a 'shadow card' in a more day-centered draw, reminding me of the general theme of new thinking, learning to approach things better, etc. that I SHOULD be keeping in mind. I love the image there, the fairy girl on the cliff, sitting, perhaps resting but perhaps procrastinating/hesitating, and the flying bird to show her the way off, into the new...

In this morning's random arcana stones throw we have the mother of pearl stone, representing the Moon card, landing in the 12th House...the house of limitation, seclusion, self-undoing. Letting my more negative thoughts, letting uncertainty and mental confusion/chaos and things I KNOW I shouldn't be listening to in my head limit/get to me... We also have the mahogany obsidian stone, representing Death card, landing in the 8th house - the house of changes, endings and beginnings....a doubly emphasized message if I've ever seen one. These two stones taken together pretty much seem synonymous with that Ace of Swords card there and....yeah.

Echoing messages. Good to pay them mind, methinks...

academic advice again

Well, I did a reading a while back for advice on an academic paper I'd needed to write, and liked how that well. Have something else I need to finish by the end of the month - not strictly for school, more like an article/entry to [hopefully] be published in this upcoming encycolopedia o' terrorism thing, so important - and figured it'd be useful to use the same spread/reading idea. Basically two pairs - the first pair for advice as to process, the second for advice as to content.

So here, in the first pair, I see, well - useful if unsurprising advice. One of those *prod prod* type messages from the cards. In the lovers card I see the need for synthesis - to combine the creativity and inspiration of the Empress with the discipline and organization of the Emperor. I can create/write up something awesome, can do this successfully, but I need to really channel BOTH of those energies. As in, not random ideas and disorganized outline like I have now but really sit down and force myself to WORK on it. Discipline, more deliberate effort. This is emphasized by the fool - stop procrastinating, because in this case the procrastination isn't borne of laziness but rather of self-doubt, nervousness, the fact that writing something that's to be PUBLISHED, and not just for school, is intimidating. Have confidence, or at least an optimistic attitude, channel that carefree energy of the Fool, and JUST DO IT ALREADY. It's not that long of a project. Just. Get. To. It. Think of it as a sort of intellectual adventure if that makes it easier. Lots of positive potential in these cards, but really calls for deliberate work/action on my part to follow through on this opportunity.

Ok, so content-wise, again, as last time, this makes a lot of sense. I'm doing my entry on this former Chechen President/alleged terrorist figure (don't want to use the name because don't want it possibly popping up in google searches associated with my tarot blog, lol /paranoia) and basically...part of my own view of him, and something I am trying to get across even in the context of a medium that calls for OBJECTIVITY in writing...

Well the strength card, represents earlier part of his involvement in the conflict pretty well. He played a major role in the success of the Chechen seperatists in the first war, both in terms of being chief of staff of the chechen military and in terms of playing a major role in being a pragmatic negotiator with the Russians in making the peace. He wasn't an extremist, but a nationalist, who wanted peace but also wanted Chechnya to be its own country. Of course, he wasn't successful either my force or my more peaceful means in dealing with all the problems in the country as President, and the whole idea of the snake lurking there, and playing with fire...during the second war he was increasingly allied to the wahhabist/terrorist extremists like basayev and khattab et al. Did call for holy war, made moves to institutionalize some semblence of shariah law...arguabely forced to by the situation, increasingly loss of control, rise of influence of the extremist salafists and criminal gangs and russian intractability but...on the other hand...and here's where the moon card really comes in: was he, when it comes down to it, a violent terrorist like the Russians claim? Did he in fact implicitly condone acts of terror like the theatre seige and beslan and all the suicide bomb attacks? Or was he a moderate forced into increasingly difficult/impossible position my extremists on both sides of the conflict? When you look at the atrocities and war crimes Russian forces committed with impunity in Chechnya... and up until his death he was still trying to call for ceasefires and negotiation...but was that done out of lingering moderate impulses or the desperation of his position?

Much room for interpretation, debate. Various sources say vastly different things...must find a nice, academic, objective way of trying to convey all this in ~1000 words along with all the basic biographical information

And yeah, again, this was quite useful use of the cards :]
Interesting too, that it was all majors that came up this time...