Why Do I Collect Decks?

So I wrote a post response to a question on AT, and I liked what came to mind enough to want to expand on the idea here so....

Collecting Decks

So I have some 30+ tarot decks at the current moment, which I do not think is a particularly notable number by the standards of Aeclectic membership but which is, by the standards of the wider world, quite enough to be called a 'collection' and to qualify me as someone who can reasonably say that I collect tarot decks.

And I suppose I do, though for various reasons I don't really think of myself as a Collector the way some people are: I keep all my decks in simple bags in a large sack (after fire last fall, I like the idea of being able to quickly grab and take them all in an emergency), and care about boxes not at all - the only reason I keep those these days is for possible trading purposes, as other people seem to like keeping their decks in proper boxes with proper LWBs. I don't care about keeping my decks in 'mint' condition, even some of the rarer, OOP ones - if I think it will look better trimmed, I trim away, and gilt them too. I do not keep decks I cannot or do not want to read with, no matter how pretty or rare - all of my decks must be reading decks, working decks, because what the hell do I have them for, if not to read with?

And yet, nonetheless, I have enough that one might reasonable ask: why so many decks? Couldn't you read just as well with one or two? Does anyone ever need over thirty tarot decks? And to be fair, no I do not need them. And yet I am an INTP, and there is some underlying logic with which I justify my purchases. It comes down, I guess, to that one great love of mine in life - the love of learning, of gaining knowledge, expanding what I know and how I can think about the things I know of.

See, we all call it 'tarot reading' but in many ways that seems to be mostly a metaphor, figurative language. Do we really think of it as the equivalent of reading a newspaper, a book? And yet, the more I think about it, the more I want to say...perhaps yes. What is written language, after all? From the earliest pictographs to modern, current alphabets in a way, if you think about it broadly, writing is about visually representing abstract concepts. We have these little symbols we call letters, and we string them together this way and that, and suddenly that MEANS something to us, because we have been trained to automatically interpret them as such. So when you come across DOG, you do not see random squiggles: your mind automatically brings up the image or the idea of a certain canine animal. And when you learn other languages, you apply the same concepts. PIES brings to mind the same animal for me, because my mind has been trained to make that associated. So does كلب because again, written language acquisition is about training the mind to correlate visual symbols with sounds with abstract ideas.

Reading tarot is, in a lot of ways, is just the same. You have 78 cards with distinct images, and each card has a range of meanings attached to it - the exact details depend on which system(s) you follow, whether you read intuitively or whether you are deep into studying historical esoteric symbolism or whatever, and so on. In any case though, its a recognizable system with widely applicable card meanings, and as you get more experienced with working with the cards, and more familiar with them, the process of eliciting messages from the cards becomes easier. When you first start off, you draw a card and look at the picture, and maybe you have some vague concept of what it could maybe mean, but you aren't quite sure, and so you check in the LWB or whatever book you have, and you read the keywords and then you kind of stumble along, in broad strokes, trying to make some kind of connection that makes sense to you. The image and the abstract ideas are still separate and you are trying to bridge that gulf.

Later on, it just comes. I draw the 6 of cups and I automatically think of nostalgia, of childhood, of looking backwards, of longing, of people you used to know and things you used to do. I draw the 10 of coins and I think of houses, of families, of the people you love and the people you are tied to, of responsibilities and duties and burdens. A draw an Ace of Wands and I think of opportunities, of growth, of creative energy ready to be channeled, of new projects, of starting thinks, taking the plunge, boldness. I do not have to sit there and struggle to remember - it simply comes when I look at the image in front of me. The images of the cards you see, have been married to a whole range of concepts in my mind. It really is quite analogous to reading, except that what you are reading is a deck of cards...

Which brings us back to the idea of why so many decks? If you have a deck with which you have grown familiar enough to have that kind of connection, isn't that enough?

But you see, to me it does make a difference that what you are reading is not words but images, ART. Art, which can be created in so many different styles and mediums, which is both so inherently personal and so universal...Having many decks means working with the same core concept represented in a plethora of different ways. It really does broaden the scope of your knowledge, the pool of meaning from which you draw when you read. You'll see a card you feel you know so well drawn in a different way and it will trigger something in your mind, another way that you could approach the idea. It adds nuance and shade. Working with the Thoth so much recently has been doing that a lot for me - it really isn't so far removed from the RWS meanings, and yet it comes at them from different angles and perspectives and it makes me really THINK. It widens how I see the cards. Like Aeon instead of Judgement opened up that card for me in a way I never really got just from the standard christianity-based images of the Angel blowing the trumpet and resurrection. Or the post the other night about the Wheel of Fortune and the idea that life is made up of many wheels - wheel of career, wheel of love, wheel of emotional health - that all move at their own pace. These are ideas that would have never occurred to me if I had just been working with the ONE deck, and which once they do I can internalize and apply to all my future working with tarot, regardless of which deck it is that I happen to be reading at the current time.

And yeah, in a way each deck is also it's own 'dialect' because each one has it's own artistic take, little details that you can pick and pull apart as you interpret. Sometimes the answers the cards give can be QUITE literal, and that staircase or the hat or whatever in the deck you are working with happens to be exactly applicable - it wouldn't be there in another deck, but its here, in this one, an answer just for you.

Besides that, decks draw on all kinds of influences - each other, early 20th century occultist groups, ancient mythology, various cultural practices, astrology, numerology, qabbalah, various animal groups, whatever, and they do so in various ways and proportions and so, having many decks can also be a nice way to become at least a little bit familiar with other ideas or systems or whatever which for me - well, more learning is always, always a plus.

And so that is my overly long explanation about both what I think tarot is and how I justify spending all kinds of money on tarot decks when, one might argue one or two would be more than enough :D

a door opens, a door closes

I found this absolutely lovely little spread on the aeclectic forum that I totally thought was worth trying out, so.

When One Door Closes Another Door Opens Spread (2) by Glass Owl

"When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us." - Alexander Graham Bell

What Is Behind The Closed Door: This represents what has come before or is out of reach. You keep returning to this closed door but you no longer have the key to open it. It is time for you to move on. I suggest placing the rest of the deck on top of this card so it can not longer be seen and then turn your attention to the next card in the spread.

What Is Beyond The Open Door: This represents possibilities and what is within your reach. This door is not only unlocked but it is wide open. What lies behind this doorway deserves your time and energy. Imagining yourself walking through this open door and embracing what this card is offering you. 

 So, I must say, quite interesting that the Hermit shows up here as the closed door. It makes sense, though. The Hermit is all about going off and doing things alone, people who needs people, and introspection, and really learning and growing a lot and maybe finding some things you need to find but yes, alone being the key word. Solitude.

Being an introvert, I don't think it's all that shocking that uh, yeah I very much have some Hermit like tendencies. I do spend a lot of time alone, and especially when I am really stressed or overwhelmed or unhappy, I tend to isolate myself even more: the bigger the problem, the stronger my feeling of this is something i should keep to myself, deal with myself.

I was also just thinking, recently, about how I really need to update my own perception of my social skills and abilities. See, I didn't really have friends in high school (I was the kid who sat in staircases reading books. constantly.) or the first two years of college, and even though so much has changed in my life since then, a part of me still sees myself as that sixteen year old kid, terribly socially anxious and socially awkward, not knowing how to speak to people, what to say, muddling about. The thing is though - these days, in *most* situations I'm not really like that at all. I can hold conversations with a variety of people, even if I don't really like them or care about what we are talking about. I can be funny. People seem to like me well enough after we socially interact. I HAVE interacted with people, adults, who really do have serious social skill impairments and...while I am not and will never be a social butterfly, I'm really not that bad at all these days. That is, I guess this card is trying to say, an aspect of my identy, The One Who Is Alone, or The One Who Cannot Connect With People, that isn't true and that i should work on letting go of...

And what door should I open instead? Well, the King of Cups is, first of all, a mature man, an adult. This is definitely an aspect of it, learning to navigate the world of "adult social interaction" which is a bit different that 'young adult social interaction' as it were - the cup here is particularly apt. Until about a year or two ago, I didn't drink alcohol at all - didn't have a taste for it, wasn't interested in the whole getting drunk for the hell of getting drunk scene, whatever. But realizing that drinking is SUCH a part of so many adult social interactions and get-togethers in some way, and that it was so much more natural to just figure out something that worked for me rather than the whole 'oh, but I do not drink' song and dance...well, I have now, figured out how to have a casual drink with other adults at a bar or a restaurant or a social event. Moderately of course, as the upright of this card suggests. More generally, though, I think, its about trying to connect more with people - not just acting the logical outside observer of human interaction. The word "networking" comes to mind. If Queens are the crux of the suit turned inwards, Kings are turned outwards and so it is here: my grad program, for example, is always telling us about how important it is to network, and I've seen with my own eyes how helpful can be to careers...it doens't come naturally to me at all, that, but perhaps again, at least some of that is just perception, perception of me as only the Hermit, never the King, that I need to let go of.

In my personal life too...well, I have been pro-actively connecting more, already, a bit. I've met a couple friends from online in real life in the last year or so, and that was all really nice. I started going to monthly meetups with a local tarot group largely because it's a way to meet people, interact with folks I'd ordinarily not interact with at all and with whom I share some common. Considering maybe trying to find some activity or interest meetups/groups when I actually have some free time energy, that kind of thing.

So yeah, this reading makes perfect sense - let go of that self-image of me as alone person that was never really quite accurate and has grown increasingly less so with time, and focus on maintaing/improving current friendships/relationships and being pro-active about forming new ones, both professionally and personally.

 

Free Association Draw

This is exactly what it says on the tin: draw one card, write whatever comes to mind.


This is actually a card that comes up a lot for me in readings - not to represent me, quite (that remains, I'd say, primarily the Queen of Swords) but rather...my approach to life, generally.

The knights, you see, are about doing. About going forth, acting, getting things done. The knight of swords is passionate and rash - he flings himself towards whatever captures his attention at the moment, heedless of who might get hurt. Sometimes you really do need to just GO after something like that, without overthinking, with everything you have but that card comes up for me more as what I should be doing than any tendency I actually have. The knight of cups is a dreamer, the romantic, ruled by his heart, ruled by idealism. The knight of wands is passionate too, but more measured, more pursuing ambitions and goals than the impulsive sword knight. 

But the Knight of Coins? The knight of coins goes forward steadily, slowly, more weighed down by his armor, careful of his footing. The knight of coins moves forward mindful of his duties, his obligations. The knight of coins moves forward because he must. It is a pragmatic forward-movement...if passion isn't there today that's alright - there is routine, there is this map, there is this or that short term goal to move towards. If there is mud in the road you plod forward nonetheless. You trudge. You muddle through. Keep calm and carry on. If you cannot manage ambition, or idealism, or passion it's alright - there is necessity to keep you moving. 

Perhaps he goes slower than the other knights, not motivated the way they are by those strong feelings, calls, but neither is he as easily stopped. The ambitious can burn out; the idealistic can become disillusioned; the impulsive can get distracted. But the one who moves forward out of a grim sense of MUST, MUST, MUST? Pragmatic necessity is not so easily dispelled. Do you feel sick today, exhausted? Get up anyway. Have a cuppa. Go do what you need to do. Do you feel apathetic towards everything? Get up anyway. Pretend. Go to what you need to do. Did something you were hoping for not work out? Disappointed, sad? Shrug it off, go focus on what you need to do. And so on.

And sometimes you find that, having far fewer passions, dreams, ambitions - lacking real motivation and energy and drive, that kind of joie de vivre that so many people seem to have - when you step back and look, you see that you've accomplished just as much if not more than quite a few of them anyway. Why? Because you don't let all that distract you. Like this knight, you can take or leave all of it. At the end of the day, regardless, you put on that big suit of armor, grab your coin-shields, get on your faithful horse and plod on anyway. And you keep plodding, and keep plodding, and keep plodding forward. Step by step, day by day.

favorite card backs

An often overlooked aspect of tarot decks, the backs are...well. for me, i can't say they are necessarily a deal breaker - i have several decks whose backs I quite dislike but which I got anyway because well, the actual deck more than made up for that particular drawback. but I must say, a nice back really does add to the awesomeness of a deck as a whole.

For me personally, i like my backs to be reversible if possible (since I read with reversals), for them to somehow thematically or visually 'go' with the card fronts, WITHOUT being merely a print of one of the cards (this tendency on the part of LoS particularly is rather annoying...) and just general aesthetic prettiness. I thought it'd be fun to just list some of my favorite card backs from within my tarot collection. Interestingly enough, they don't correspond all that much with which decks are my favorites overall...

Lookit, shiny!

The Fenestra tarot has what is probably my most favorite of backs...very nice, subtle color, a bit of an art-nouveau feel to it, nicely reversible, and goes perfectly with the art style of the cards themselves. As I said, not really corresponding with my deck preference generally...see, I love the minors in this deck, and it'd probably be much higher on my preferences list if it wasn't for the HUGE, UGLY, UNTRIMMABLE borders the publisher felt the need to take onto all the majors.

I traded this deck away because of that, and the universe recently saw that another copy of it came back to me, so holding onto it this time because I do like the art style and colors generally. And yes, the backs are a major plus.

Other cool backs:

     
I like these two a lot, the Crystal/Vetro back and the Balbi. The Crystal back doesn't really go with the art style of the deck per se, but I just really like how it looks. Reminds me of some old playing card backs I vaguely remember from when I was a kid. Nice and reversible too.

As for the Balbi, again, simple and reversible. Colors do a lot for me too - I've always liked the purple and green color combination, and the particular shades of purple and green used here really appeal. I like the vague vine type design, and the general style and bright colors perfectly encompass the nature of the deck overall and yeah, likey.

Now here are two backs that AREN'T quite reversible, but which I really like anyway. One is the Thoth back. Like the rest of that deck, it is chock full of esoteric symbolism I currently only vaguely/half-understand at best, but I can appreciate it's significance. It definitely gives you a nice feel for the rest of the deck, and visually, it just works. Plus, its not THAT badly un-reversible, so I can still read my reversals without too much distraction.

The Tarot de la Rea back, on the other hand, is very non-reversible, but given that this is one of very few decks which I DON'T read using reversals (in fact this deck likes me to use one very specific spread to read with it) that's not too much a bother. It very well represents the cool mask-filled nature of the deck as a whole and like the fronts just has a...unique, special feel to it. This deck really is one of the little treasures of my collections, and that includes the backs.

dealing with disappointing others

A while ago I did a reading about dealing with being disappointed. While that is definitely a useful subject, it occurs to me, due to some things going on right now, that I also have definite issues with dealing with disappointing others. Not with being a disappointment, but with taking specific actions that are likely to result in someone else being disappointed.

Essentially, this is a kind of conflict between my INTP/Queen of Swords type logical nature and my Cancer side...because the more I think on it, the more it seems just due to empathy. The INTP in me doesn't like to think of myself as empathetic, per se, but...it's really not about people 'hating' me. Yes, I try to be nice and please people when I can but...not at all costs. If I am being reasonable, and someone isn't happy, their problem, eh? And in some cases, this is in dealing with people who I don't even particularly like/am not impressed with/have clearly shown they don't care all that much about my needs/feelings. And yet...I still feel a bit guilty disappointing them. Why? Because I know how crappy that feels and I can't help but want to...not inflict that feeling on others if I can avoid it. But the INTP in me says, you need to take care of yourself too. This is what you need to do, regardless of the possible effects. Inner conflict inner conflict so let us draw some cards then, eh?


What's interesting here, of course is that it's a three card draw of all reversals. That's always something to take note of. I know a lot of people don't read with reversals but for me, with the exception of a few decks where it just feels wrong to do so, I do. Always have. See, when I first started reading, and found out there was the option - well, being the slightly masochistic must challenge meself person that I am, of course, new to Tarot, I would choose the option that meant learning twice as many meanings! Lol, but really, at this point it feels natural to me, and reversals just add....shade and nuance to readings that I appreciate. But nonetheless, an all reversal reading is still a bit 0__o. In context though, it does make sense.

Here's the message I get from these cards - sometimes, you just can't really win. You can't have it all, you can't somehow magically synthesize two opposing desires and make everyone happy happy and please yourself and please others and get what YOU need to get done, done while also doing the thing that someone else wants you to do for them, and you will drive yourself crazy if you insist on trying.

If you want to look at it from that kind of perspective, either way there's a negative - either you are 'selfish' and 'flakey' or you are making yourself miserable and stressed being 'flakey' regarding other things. If you try to please everyone someone, and possibly even everyone, will end up losing anyway. You really do just have to pick one or the other and accept the opportunity cost/loss and move on, stop dwelling and feeling needless guilt over doing what you need to do. Which is not to say the choice is necessarily the same in all situations - if it's a choice between spending a day relaxing and de-stressing, a nice planned mental-health day as it were, and doing a much-needed favor for a good friend, perhaps you do need to sacrifice the me-time; if it's a choice between getting through some of that huge pile of academic obligation and house cleaning/organization and errands that's looming over you, or making time to meet with someone who has shown very limited interest in your needs, well then, looks like it's time to just focus on doing what you need to do for you.

Use logic to make the objectively best decision you can given the limitations of your situation.

Empathy is a good thing. Compassion and consideration are all good things. Need to remember to apply them to yourself too, though. Sometimes you need to put your needs aside and really help someone out. Other times, you needs to put yourself first. Both are perfectly legitimate decisions. Your needs are worthwhile too.

reverse reading: new starts

So usually tarot reading is about drawing cards and interpreting them.

Thought it would be interesting, just in an experimental, change things up type of way, to reverse that. You know, as a way of training brain to thinking more intuitively in images and all that.

So last night I did a short reading with cards giving me advice for the new semester.

Now I do a reverse - choosing cards to represent my current attitude, outlook, hopes for the new semester, for the spring, for the new year. This is how I want to approach things. This is the kind of new start I want this to be. This is how I want to act in regards to the world around me. This is how I think it would be best to approach things.

With energy, with creativity, with inspiration, and unafraid to venture out into the unknown type of attitude. Hardness creativity, energy, drive into new things, approach with an open mind, even a bit of whimsy, and most of all with POSITIVITY.

Yes, intellectually a new start, learning to things, but also take it as time to try to leave certain nonsense behind, mentally. Try to conciously work on a new attitude, a new approach. Envision success. Bring some discipline to your mental life, both in school and in personal life. Strive for GOOD logic i how you think about everything

A logically driven inspired approach to new things, then, aye?

Says the INTP, ha :]