a look at myself

The following is an abridged version of the Planetary Personality Spread shared by a member of the local tarot meetup group during her presentation last Saturday. The planetary positions on an astrological chart are used as a basis for the card positions in the spread. I thought my reading using this spread was rather on point, so figured I'd post it here.

1. The Ascendant
Your persona, what people see when they first meet you, the mask you present to the world.

As the title of the card would suggest, Temperance is in many ways traditionally a card of balance, of having patience and taking care, of moderating influences. In the Thoth, the card is called Art, Alchemy, in emphasis of the  mixing of the water in the cups, of experimenting and creating, combining, synergy and evolution. In the Nusantara, I see aspects of both of these takes: here, the figure looks harmonious, calm, at ease, carefully balancing and mixing; but there is a certain enthusiasm, a look of energy and enjoyment lacking in the traditional RWS artwork. She still has one foot in the water and one out of it, but the positioning looks more precarious, the water more roiling, the land more like the edge of a cliff. She almost looks like she could be dancing, and yet, is still quite absorbed in her task, the mixing.

What does this suggest about the persona I present to the world? A woman who tries to appear light, at ease, not particularly burdened; someone who wants to appear together, reasonable and trustworthy in their approach to the things they do; someone who very much enjoys experimenting and mixing various perspective, interests, hobbies, etc., even things one might not think very complementary or mixable; someone who tries to downplay the precarious nature of the ground she stands on (or not) and someone who has a hard time actually committing to any one thing, one foot here and one foot there.

2. The Sun
Your basic personality and temperament, your core behaviors, what drives you.

The five of cups generally signifies grief, loss, disappointment, despair, regret. Sometimes it speaks of necessary grief, the need to see harsh reality for what it is, process, and move on; other times it speaks to dwelling on the negative, fixating on what is broken and spilled and gone rather than that which you still have. Here we see a dark-clad figure staring down at the three ups whose water has spilled on the ground, back to the two cups still standing. Grey pervades the background, giving a melancholic air to the surroundings.

What does this say about my basic personality, temperament and behaviors? Well, it suggests a person who has a melancholic type of approach to life, a person that perhaps struggles with depression and has for a very long time, but also a person who has always, even in childhood, had a tendency to fixate on the negative rather than the positive aspects of a situation, a person who dwells on losses, even of small, petty things, someone who has trouble seeing things, as they themselves at least, with hope; someone who inspects and dissects what went wrong, who does not allow themselves to forget even when they do, mostly, move on.

3. The Moon
Your private side, your inner self, your core [emotional] needs.

The seven of wands shows us a man, armed with a stave and standing in a defensive position, ready to fend off attacks - from who we cannot see, only their staves, rising up towards him, fencing him in. The seven of wands generally signifies struggle, facing and overcoming challenges and opposition, perseverance, valor, fighting on even when things seem hopeless.In this deck, the man stands on the precipice of what looks like it could be a waterfall, bright colors of his clothes contrasting with a dull-colored background. He looks determined. Small sprigs grow out of the staves both he and his opposition hold.

What is this showing of my inner self, my core needs, the private me? We see someone who, though very much not a fan of any sort of conflict (notice how peaceful the mask that temperance presents above is, how uninterested and seemingly unprepared for any such engagements), is nonetheless, when backed against a wall (or the metaphorical precipice of a waterfall), responds with defiance; not anger, necessarily, and not confidence or enthusiasm, but a kind of grim, determined defiance. This is a person who sees themselves as alone in such conflict much of the time, who may not even really care about the outcome, hell, would happily throw themselves down that waterfall, but who will not be pushed, or goaded. This is a person who will not be controlled or made to do anything against their will, and whose sometimes terribly strong desire to give up is balanced by that drive to keep fighting, a person more motivated by defiance, even of oneself, that any kind of ambition or desire.

4. Mercury
How you communicate and think, your intellect and ideas.

Last we have the ace of swords, traditionally signifying  sharp thinking, insight, mental clarity, analysis and reasoning through logic, new and original thoughts and ideas, realizations, objectivity, intellectual impulses. Representing the element of air, we see the sword in this ace grasped by a hand reaching out from within a whirl of clouds; crowned, it stands against a background of long, unbroken blue sky.

How does this describe the ways in which I communicate and/or think, my thoughts and ideas? Someone who thinks deliberately, someone who values and relies and logic, objective and internal, whose judgement and even emotional responses are predicated on logical analysis. This is someone who is capable of great insight, into herself and into others, though insight does not necessarily mean appropriate action in response; someone who loves to think, and who thinks independently, sometimes very unusually; someone who is driven more by intellectual rather than mundane concerns; someone who thinks deeply but also someone who over-thinks habitually, especially when it comes to most forms of communication; and someone who is open to considering other perspectives, to a point, but who, once a decision or a realization is made, is quite capable of cutting off completely certain paths of thoughts and action, rightly or wrongly, and utterly unwilling to reconsider that which has been culled from possibility.

pondering quotes again

“It is better to take many small steps in the right direction than to make a great leap forward only to stumble backward.”

- Chinese Proverb

"All compromise is based on give and take, but there can be no give and take on fundamentals. Any compromise on mere fundamentals is a surrender. For it is all give and no take."

- Mahatma Gandhi 

"Have a bias toward action - let's see something happen now. You can break that big plan into small steps and take the first step right away."

- Indira Gandhi

striving for balance, moderation

Both of these really drive home the message today: the need for a balanced approach to things. I was reflecting last night on a draw and on my day, about how I got so little done because I got so stuck on one thing, and just general lack of balance in my life these days and then...these two cards, this morning...

I like some of the little details here...the feet of the angel in the Temperance card, which almost look like little demon paws, showing a possible way to merge, to synthesize various aspects of yourself, the better and those that are more difficult; the wild hair too, seems to indicate that everything doesn't necessarily have to be just so in a balanced approach - its about the broad strokes, making the effort. A winding path in the background leads to a crown, the success that can come from getting things together and under control. In the Justice card we see a meeting...balancing individual needs with obligations to others, your own judgement of things with more communal judgement...balance in terms of not isolating myself as much I have a tendency to do, perhaps...

Have been trying to keep this message in mind today and as a result, even though it's still only early afternoon, the day has already been more productive. I spent the morning baking homemade vegan granola bars in an attempt to be more balanced/healthy with my eating habits during the day. I studied some, also worked on my own Arabic writing project some, dealt with some loan and bill things I needed to get done, and made some progress in job searching - not much progress, to be honest, but more than I've managed to do thus far.

Moderation, balance in small ways, in every day life. Trying not to get so focused or caught up in one thing - good or bad - that so many others slip through my fingers, time flying, me wondering what the hell happened to the day...

Interesting Interpretation

Just a tidbit I found rather interesting -

This Temperance card came up as part of a quick draw I did for myself on Sunday morning. We were about to head out to the desert for a day of exploring oases and desert springs, of bouncing around driving over sand dunes and visiting the set where they filmed scenes from original Star Wars movies and such fun things.

The most traditional interpretation of this card would probably have something to do with acting in a balanced manner, being measured in my behavior, perhaps doing some creative things (have been really having fun with photography) etc. But what immediately came  to mind was the water in the image, the pouring of water from cup to cup. Even in the most normal circumstances back home, I have a terrible tendency to let myself get quite rather dehydrated and well, a day in a hot desert...avoiding that would be even more important.

And what do you know, despite having that in mind, I did indeed again let myself get rather dehydrated at a certain point. By that I mean, to the degree where I felt my heart racing every time I stood up/walked, light-headedness, etc. In my defense, this was mostly caused by a long stretch of a lack of bathroom availability, but yeah. Drinking enough water - a very temperance thing to do too, if you think about it, even if it isn't the most common interpretation of the card.

the forest and the trees

It's interesting how well some metaphors translate into spreads of sorts...particularly since card reading is itself, from a certain perspective, essentially the reading of visual metaphors, a shorthand of familiar images and system of associations. Anyway, a draw to try to focus/ground myself for the coming week, with this sort of spread in mind:

The Forest (Big Picture) - The Trees (Details)

I must say, I rather like the little frown of uncertainty or indifference on the figure's face in this Temperance card. There is a spring nearby, carefully constructed, and the angel (love the androgyny of many of the cards in this deck as well!) does the water pouring, water mixing thing. Chemistry, alchemy, synthesis, experimentation.

With a frown on it's face. Because sometimes, taking the path of moderation, finding and maintaining that balance, sticking with the reasonable thing and avoiding those extremes - it can be the hardest of all possible options. It's easy to throw yourself carelessly, recklessly into the most clearly delineated of positions. Dogmatism has a way of taking a grip on one's soul. All or nothing, right? All or nothing, and sticking to doing things simply because you've done them that way for so long...

And so stepping back to evaluate, to say - no, this isn't working, let's tray again...that can be hard. That can be hard to internally motivate yourself to want to do. Moderation as an art requiring patience with yourself, to try again and again with the water pouring, jug to jug, until finally you find a balance, a setting, a way of going about things that is sustainable, that works for you.

It is tempting to just give up, especially with so many things in the short-term to grab the attention, to distract, to let you tell yourself that your lack of progress in these matters doesn't matter. It does, though. Need to keep trying, looking at the bigger picture, trying to find a way, a reason to fix things, to bring things into better balance, equilibrium. 

As for the short term, those immediate details - remember prudence. This card actually quite strongly recalls the Thoth's 8 of disks...the coins are in the same arrangement, and flowers on each coin, and the hint of vines at the top of the card...a time to prudently nurture things, let things develop, take care of the things that need to be taken care of, attend to responsibilities. In this deck, eights are associated with Justice in the majors - again, a message about balance - and with coins dealing with the material realm, the financial, the solid and earthy...

While keeping big picture search for equilibrium in mind, this is the time to attend to ensuring that all the little, immediate, concrete things that must be taken care of are, that all of those are put right, handled in an appropriate manner. Arrange them all in neat rows like these. Don't shy away from doing the work to make that happen.

Channel that virgo influence this card has in the Thoth's system, keep the tree carefully pruned, organize and arrange and procure what you need, keep justice in mind and apply it to all your current worldly concerns, and keep working at it until all is done and settled - interesting how, with pip cards, it becomes so natural to draw on the influences of just about all the different tarot systems in the reading...

My Favorite Majors: Temperance

So, this is another middle of the road type major for me - neither a favorite nor particularly challenging to read. Like all the rest, it has a range of meanings, but by and large these have always made intuitive sense to me, paired well with the imagery of the card. Aesthetically...I must say, in the RWS deck this very well might be my least favorite of the majors, though in other decks - both clones and decks that hew further away from the RWS tradition - the card is often done quite nicely, though with...varying degrees of depth, I'd say.

Anyway, it wasn't TOO hard to choose favorites for this one. In this case, one I chose more aesthetically and the other more conceptually...

XIV. Temperance

Favorite:
So, choosing pretty blatantly for aesthetic appeal here but...I just really, really love what Ciro did with this card in the Legacy of the Divine tarot. The perspective is quite unusual, and really adds to the effect of the card. The colors are great - I love the deep purple, the bronze. I love how life-like the water and fire looks, and the light from that stained glass dome, illuminating everything? It's just lovely. It's a very original take on the card, and yet it keeping with most of the traditional RWS aspects - the mixing of water and fire, the angel figure... Also very in keeping with the theme of the deck as a whole, very fitting. I love to just...look at this card. Its really mostly a combination of the lighting and the perspective that does it for me but...yeah. An awesomely done Temperance card.

Runner Up:
Ok, so really it's a combination here. I do love the artwork of the Thoth - the use of color in this major especially draws me in. But primarily, as is the case with a lot of this deck, this card especially appeals to me conceptually. I like the renaming of this card...I don't think it's as perfect a subsitute as the Justice/Adjustment switch, but I do like the extra layers of nuance and meaning it adds here. I love the androgynous nature of the figure, the merging of male and female, black and white, balance. So many details here that speak to balance, to mixing, to synthesis and experimentation, creation and renewal...the switching of the colors of the eagle and the lion, the bright green, spring-like, of the dress with the bees, the rising up out of that cauldron (engraved with the symbols of death as a reminder...) where water and fire are mixed of that rainbow of energy....this card is so symbol-packed, and yet, to be honest, as much as I appreciate how much there is to glean from all of that...it's now what draws me to this card. At a much more visceral level...this card just makes perfect sense to me. When I draw it, it reassures me - I know what it's telling me to do in the context of the reading. In a way, the whole card has a kind of rainbow-ish feel to me that just...encompasses Temperance perfectly...

Inconsequential little reading

So I realize I don't actually post proper 'readings' here all that often...decided to type up a small one I just did for myself about a rather a rather inconsequential (in the grand scheme of things) question:

"Should I just go ahead and purchase that eReader I've been considering, now?"

Using a simple Why Yes | Why No | Answer/Advice Spread:

Why Yes

I have, as of late, become a bit infatuated with the idea of getting an eReader. For YEARS I was very resistant, because I really LIKE paper books. But recently I realized that hey, I already have a bunch of eBooks that I read on PC Kindle program anyway, some for school and some books that were cheap on amazon, seemed kind of interesting, but not enough so to get in paper form, and yeah. These days, eReaders have become inexpensive, and getting one does not actually mean I have to give up getting paper books. What it does mean is that when I travel, I can bring one or two paper books with me, and another 4, 5, 6 or so on my eReader, and thus have plenty of options with less of a physical burden. So yes, I've been seeing more of a "partnership" for me with an eReader, and because I tend to get obsessive researchy when I know I want something, been spending/wasting too much time reading up on options, deciding what I'd like, reading up on THAT some more, putting the one I want in and out of my Amazon cart, etc. The fact that my parents were nice enough to give me some money when I visited them for Easter makes it even more tempting....

Why No

This actually perfectly sums up my hesitation. See, any way you look at it, this device is not something I NEED. And, other than my two money-wasting indulgences of tarot card decks and Starbucks, I actually have a bit of a problem convincing myself to make purchases, especially larger ones, that I cannot justify with necessity. I've gone this long without one, why spend the money when I can go on doing without? What if I don't end up using it as much as I think I will? My financial situation isn't exactly stellar - I should be more conservative here.

I'm also a bit concerned that if I go ahead and order it NOW, it might interfere with/distract me from things I need to get done for school in the next few weeks. There is, in fact, several ways that it could help - books for one of my classes that I have in ebook form, plus some research for my presentations/papers that might end up being easier to procure in that form also -  but there is also the chance that I might not have the self control to dive into pleasure reading at a time when I really need to focus on academic reading/research...

Answer/Advice
(with clarifier)

Ok, so what I'm pretty sure this is telling me is that I am essentially turning this fairly small issue into that great ol' trap of OVERTHINKING. I tend to do this a lot, cause myself all kinds of grief and stress by thinking and thinking about things that really don't necessitate all that much thought. I do feel trapped in that....until I decide one way or the other - yes, I'm getting the damned thing, or no, I am going to refrain - the possibility keeps coming to mind. I keep considering it, going back to those websites, going over the same pro and con list over and over again as if weighing those for the fifth time is going to lead to some kind of magical epiphany...

Like the lady in that card, I am keeping myself stuck in a situation that really doesn't need to be a trap at all. Make a choice, use one of those EIGHT swords to cut off the binding, and be on your merry way, already. The world is not going to end, and I am not going to be either miserable or bankrupt, regardless of which option I go with.

That said, the clarifier, the 9 of cups, seems to suggest I go for it. As long as I don't overdo it, as long as I keep the Temperance card in mind and don't go on FANTASY BOOK BINGE when I know I have serious things to get done, what's the harm? My parents gave me some money because they were feeling generous and wanted me to get or do something to enjoy myself. These devices are HARDLY super expensive these days (I've er, spent more on one or two of the decks in my collection >.>) and it will bring some small increase of pleasure to my life. What's the point of living, really, if you deny yourself so many things that might make you happier, even if they are in fact, not strictly necessary? Both extremes of rampant materialism and severe asceticism are less than ideal. Buying the most expensive model of every shiny new thing that comes out? Not the best way to go, no doubt. Taking advantage of the fact that you are fortunate enough to be in a position to allow yourself some small luxury? Pretty sure that's okay :]

on temperate swiftness

What struck me right away about today's draw was the color: so much color, rainbows...we have just about every color somewhere in the Art card, and rainbow specifically in the edges of the golden ring around her, in the energy rising up out of the cauldron, covering her like a cloak. And of course, the rainbow-refracting crystal with the red bolts of lightening under a proper rainbow in the eight of wands...color, waves of energy everywhere, yes.

What's more, both are Sagittarius cards...Art influenced by the idea of optimism, of grasping your way up, taking energy and mixing and working and creating something better, higher. In the 8 of Wands, we have Mercury in Sagittarius, which I especially like because Mercury is usually associated with cleverness, quickness, with the mind: this is us, applying our intellect and mental energies to make things happen, to make things move in a positive direction. Today is the first day of Spring, officially, and here we have two cards full of synthesis, creation and growth.

Together, these two bring to mind the question of just what exactly Art, or Temperance in the RWS, is. When you hear Temperance, it's easy to think well yes, be moderate, be cautious, don't take things to extremes, think before you act, don't go too far...and yes, sometimes, to do the temperate thing that is EXACTLY what you need. But for me at least, sometimes when I get into a certain 'extreme thinking' mindset, it kind of goes 'Well, I can't get this done just how  I want it anyway, so why do anything at all?' 'There are so many problems, and some of them are totally out of my hands to fix, so why bother to tackle any? There will always be more of them, right?' And in this kind of case THAT is the extreme thinking, because if you can enact some kind of solution, create something good, tackle a bit of the larger issue, why not do it? Why not try? Why not jump in and take that action?

Temperance means trying.  Extreme thinking is 'well, I tried once and failed, I'll never succeed so why bother?' Art means fiddling with the pot, with various combinations again and again until you finally find something that works. In the card the figure mixes sulfur and mercury, fire and water - there is an alchemy metaphor there, and what was alchemy ever, if not this kind of optimistic playing with this and that: what alchemist didn't fail again and again in his work? But if you keep mixing around in that pot, even if you don't get exactly what you were hoping for...you never know what interesting thing you may create or discover in the process.

Yes, temperance, art, moderation...they can be actions, swiftness taken, participation. I'm actually doing a lot of reading about various extremists in my classes right now...Islamists, hackers, war criminals...and it's often the case in all kinds of volatile situations that the voices that shout the loudest, that take the actions which change everything, are those with the extreme views and ideas, while the more reasonable, moderate folks, the ones most able to negotiate and create a more sustainable solution are the ones who...speak too softly, wait too long to get involved, don't take as much action. That oft-stated phrase, the 'silent majority'....

So yes, bringing it back to the micro level, I have I guess been slipping back into that kind of thinking, no doubt because it's easier to just throw up my hands and say 'This is overwhelming! Things are going to hell anyway, why bother!' rather than stick with the mixing and trying. Sagittarius thoughts though, colors - take Art in hand and move swiftly. See how much you can in fact do if you let yourself create, experiment, to run and fly on a dizzy rainbow of color between earth and things higher, intellect and passion, the tangible ici and dreams.

advice for letting things go

So...something happened very recently, that has been quite a bit on my mind, subsequently. It's kind of funny, I posted about it in my personal journal right afterwards, when I was still a bit shocked about the whole thing, and my friends there seem to be...quite upset on my behalf. Moreso than I myself am. The thing is, the more I think about it, the less I like the idea of dwelling or looking at it from a negative perspective because...well, it's all so open to question and interpretation, and it's life and things happen and if you can just shrug, take it in stride...makes for a better outlook.

It's a deliberate thing, really. I don't want this to become some kind of hanged man situation, something I get stuck on. In fact this card came up reversed, and that's exactly what I want...let go, free myself, move on. In my ethnic conflict class we had to watch a movie called 'The Power of Forgiveness', which kind of talked about how different people have varying tendencies to either let go of or hang onto things, large or small. The arguement of that movie, which was in that case referring specifically to dealing with aftermath of conflicts but which I think is pretty widely applicable is that - to just let go...it's less about the other person or people or whatever and more about what that does for you. If you aren't hanging onto resentment or pain or that kind of victimized how could that happen mindset...well, things sure are mentally nicer for you, aren't they?

But here, in drawing advice for how to best do that...I think the message is that I may be a bit over-eager. OK, I AM TOTALLY COOL WITH WHAT HAPPENED is a process, something you get to, rather something you can just logically decide is the best option and bang, all of your brain is in line. Granted, for me I think it's something I can get to in a few days, but still...I need to give myself that bit of time, moderation in my approach and expectations of myself.

See, for me the process is all about logic and dissecting what happened and my reactions. It's asking why and logically coming to some answers that satisfy me and being like, ok, now I can set that aside. A lot of this is about my own actions - not because I necessarily think it's my 'fault' (I don't really like thinking about it in terms of fault because that's the kind of thinking that makes letting things go harder) but because well...your own actions and approach to things is something you have the power to modify and adjust. Even if what happened was 80% the other person - you have no real power to change what anyone else does. That's why I don't like asking (and really don't like the kind of tarot readings where querents ask) about 'why did X do ___?' Because you'll never really know if your guess/reading is right anyway. Some people aren't even self-aware enough to know their own motivations, so how the hell can you expect to figure that out? And why waste time thinking about what isn't in your power to influence? Whereas focusing on that smaller part, the 'well how did my approach let things get to that point, and how could I have perhaps handled the situation better in the moment?' That can lead to conclusions with useful applications to future events.

I like that this card combines both the Art and Temperance traditions/takes because well...that is exactly what I need to do. Moderation, but also the idea of mixing and synthesis - allow myself to really THINK about everything that happened. Repressing thoughts or telling myself prematurely to get over it will have the exact opposite effect. I should just think about it, dissect and process for a few days, figure out how to apply what I concoct to how I want to go foward, both with the person involved and in general, and yeah.

Avoiding the Hanged Man dynamic is a great thing, but as Art/Temperance here counsels, you have to go about it the right way or your efforts could have the exact opposite effect.

shiny new deck :D

So - due to my life and especially my housing situation being in a state of perpetual chaos, I woke up this morning to the sight and sound of random men entering my bedroom to measure the floors...fun times...

On the bright side, however, my roommate had gone to ask the building manager about fixing broken sink and she came back to hand still half-asleep me a package. What was in the package, you may ask? A new deck! :D

And not just any deck, but one I've very much been a hankering for as of late...the Tarot de Marrakesh.

This one comes out of France, and what makes it special, to me...is well, the fact that it is so very North African themed.

See, I've been studying French and Arabic for years now, very academically interested in the North Africa/Mid-East region spent last semester doing a ton of reading and writing about security issues in North Africa, want desperately to visit Tunisia/Algeria/Morocco (in that order of preference, lol) and yeah, I could go on...

So of course I would want this deck very much as soon as I set my eyes on scans of it. And now it is in my clutches!

The art is so genuine a capture of North African Arab-Berber culture, and I love the art style, and the limited color palette of the cards really works well, in my opinion at least. There's a minimalism here that just...works. Also quite like the titles on the majors. Interesting. I'm actually going to read the lwb that comes with the deck because...curious :0

Pips are unillustrated, but at this point I'm comfortable reading those, so no problemo there. And to make things even simpler, the standard wands = fire, swords = air associations are used.

Sadly, I have a bunch of other obligations, both life, school, and reading-related that I need to take care of before I can get to working with this deck but...yay it is MINE ALL MINE :D

something to hold onto

had to post this because it was just so...appropriate.

let us just say: a moment in time when you are so physically and mentally exhausted everything just seems so unbearable, and futile to because you've tried so hard, doing the best you could despite, despite...

and yet there is still so much you must do and so little time left to do it and after that even more


pause a moment. pull out a deck. please, whisper, give me something to hold onto. some advice, something to help keep me going, just something. please.


and then you draw these:

(again, no time to use nicer real-life card images, so from Egypt's website again)

And the message is just so...simple and clear and utterly appropriate for the moment you can't help but muster a little laugh.