dream-skating, transformation

It seems rather apt, to have drawn these this morning. Busy, stressful, and frustrating day yesterday. Especially frustration with myself. I have a long history of not dealing very well or in healthy ways with such feelings, especially when its such a pile of one thing on top of the other...

Last night after getting home (from EIGHT straight hours of class >.<) I decided, quarter to midnight, to go rollerblading to deal with some of my nervous energy. Perhaps not the wisest idea, objectively, some might say, but...it was very nice. The streets are almost empty of cars in the middle of the night near me, so skating was very enjoyable. I went from my apartment to the Capitol, then round and round in circles in front it, that great symbol of this nation's goverment illuminated by night lights...I skated around the Air and Space museum, other Smithsonian buildings, up to the Washington monument...

It's really relaxing to just move your body and let your thoughts flow where they might. Imagination, triggered by all the architecture of the museums, monuments, government buildings...thinking about dreams and possibilities, what is and isn't in your grasp, lives and other lives, this world, alternate worlds - fantasy and reality, optimism and fatalism all a jumbled mix in the brain. The image of this Princess of Cups so very much reflects how I felt last night, skating in the warm breeze at night, moving and flowing in waking dreams, reality and disreality, those moments where anything feels possible and nothing feels fully real...

And of course, Aeon, the new age, the Judgement call, time to make decisions about which way forward, to commit to something...what do you want to take with you into the future? What have you already left behind? What have you mostly moved past, that should stay there in past, in memories... It's tempting sometimes, to go back to silly habits we had when we were young, the way that, I imagine, a former smoker might, in times of stress, wish for a cigarette even decades after dropping the habit. They're like that, aren't they, addictions and habits and less than ideal coping mechanisms that are nonetheless familiar - always in the back of your mind, a wisp, sensory memory, a little bit of an itch? The old horus figure in the background of this card, symbol of the old age, sitting there - you can never really forget who you once were, the actions you once took...but you can move forward. You can decide what you want to do NOW - the new figure, transparent, still forming.

Finger to lips, shush. There is no need to speak of it, to make bold declarations. Think,  weigh and ponder and plan and then act, DO. Actions speak louder than words. Who do you want to become, now? Which of the multitude of floating thoughts in your mind do you want to try to make tangible? I woke up this morning surprisingly energized considering how much sleep I actually got - perhaps this cup princess night skating should become a new habit. Transformation - aeons past and aeons future and action and choices and dreams....