non-celebration

So I find this to be a rather interesting take on the four of cups. Usually with this card you havea a figure that, in addition to being clearly dissatisfied or bored in some way, is also clearly physically alone. In that way, the focus is very much not on the environment but rather on the self, the thoughts and approach, attitude: why are you unhappy just now? What are you doing about it? What can you change, either about the situation or about your thinking, to fix that?

But in this card, I see a reminder that sometimes, unhappiness, discomfort, boredom etc. really are situational. For me, large social gatherings, and specifically parties like the one pictured here, will ALWAYS elicit such negative feelings in my - which is why I avoid them whenever possible. In fact, I really, really identify with the man in this image: surrounded by people having fun, the ladies drinking and trying to engage him, and feeling not at all amused, quite rather alone in spite of all of it, and perhaps even rather overwhelmed. The expectation that you should be 'enjoying yourself' which you are unable to fulfill. The desire to run away, to hide somewhere quiet - away from the music, the noise, the people - and just read or something.

All of this reminds me that today is in fact the fourth of July - back in the US, my least favorite of all the holidays. The celebrations that go with this tend to be particularly unpleasant for me - outdoors, which means lots of bugs, and often BBQ style cookouts which...I have never liked that type of food to begin with, and as a vegan, having to stand around and deal with the smell of cooking meat...

Yes, this card is a lovely reminder of what I am missing today with my stay in Tunisia: no expectations for joining in on holiday celebrations I would much rather avoid. Instead I can continue my studying, reading the book I just started, perhaps finally organizing myself with the more long-term things I need to be doing, perhaps another long walk.