So, officially:

So yes, I have been hinting and alluding to, but as it is a strong tendency of mine to...not like to talk about potentially exciting things too explicitly, or even much at all, until there is a real element of certainty...

I sent my deposit via wire transfer this morning and I'm in the process of figuring out/booking plane tickets, so I suppose this is pretty near-certain, now -

I am going to Tunisia. Ten weeks, from the start of June until mid August. I will be in a language school studying Arabic in Tunis. I found it myself and worked it out on my own, so its significantly cheaper than anything I could have found arranged through my school or the like. Still a bit irresponsible, in that...I am using student loans to pay for the whole thing but...

Sometimes you really just have to purse the things that call to you in life. To make things happen, to DO instead of just thinking or wishing or dreaming of doing. I am going to Tunisia, alone, so that I can study Arabic and practice French and explore and take pictures and maybe find somewhere to volunteer and yeah...

Very exciting stuff.

Sadly, there is still a LOT of things I need to take care of before I go, and not so much time to do it all. Yes yes, we know, that seems to be the story of my life lately...

Got this card twice in as many days. The message is apt. There is that mask of anxiety, of fear, of feeling so incredibly overwhelmed. But it IS a mask, something to hide behind, something I hold out in front of me like a shield.

Behind it, if I dig deep enough, there is that stubborn, stoic face. Beneath the mask of panic is the cool head that can face anything, can somehow manage to deal with all of the things that MUST be dealt with. Just need to...find the strength, and the wisdom to...remove that mask. To find the edges where it splits, where one reality separates from the next - the inner and the exterior.

Yes, it is time to find and channel the me that exists beneath that all too easy, desperate gasp of this is too much, I cannot handle this.