Remembering and Forgetting

So, as things start entering into a new phase, new ventures and adventures and major changes, wheels spinning, all of that - decided to take a moment to reflect a bit on the recent past, the last few months. A simple two card spread reading:

What is worth Remembering - What it is best to Forget

I. Remembering...

Seeing this card, I am reminded of just how difficult a few months it has been, in many ways. I try to stay positive here - the cards, after all, are my outlet for gaining perceptive and insight as well as motivation for self-improvement, and so using them to just dwell on the negative is not what I am wont to do - and yet...it has been hard, sometimes. Between being overwhelmed with schoolwork, not having the best time with mental or physical health, frustrated by attempts to rectify either...

There have been times when I really wanted to give up - wanted to say that this was all just more than I could handle, that there was no way I could get through all this without failure, defeat... The woman sits here, curled up, naked, those cold swords in front of her and yet...she looks back. Her eyes aren't buried in her hands, crying in pure despair...even here, she looks for a way out, a way to make the best of her lot, assessing...

And indeed, I have worked and tried, begged for extensions and apologized when needed, foregone sleep, sometimes resorted to not the best or healthiest methods of coping, but carried and and carried on and I have gotten through. Academically, I am confident that my performance will be nowhere near failure. As for other things....yes, ongoing problems and issues I must still work on but...not defeat. As long as you keep trying, keep struggling, force yourself on...you can move past, move beyond, claw your way up through even the most difficult...

It also occurs to me though, looking at this card...well, she had to get to that position somehow, didn't she? Perhaps if she had tried to do things a bit more wisely, she wouldn't have ended up naked in front of those swords. How much of my stress could have been avoided if I had...dunno, taken on less, managed my time better, tried to deal with more of the underlying issues...worth further consideration, but that exactly is the point: what to take away from situations like not is not only wisdom about DEALING with them, but also some consideration about how to PREVENT/MITIGATE them before they get to more distressing levels...

II. Forgetting...

It's interesting how, in contrast to the woman in the previous card, this one - with the same hair, same coloring - is fully clothed. And so properly clothed, at that - stiff and formal. Putting on appearances much? Pride?

She looks forward - at first it seems she is very focused, but looking more closely...appearances again. Perhaps in fact she isn't 'there' at all. Look at the body language: day-dreaming, stuck inside her own world, her own head. Too many things going on.  Too many distractions. Too many options and possibilities and cups, floating around her. Too many thoughts and too many things to do.

This card is indolence in the Thoth and turning away, moving somewhere new in RWS...here it's neither of those, quite, and yet a bit of both. Unable to fully be in the moment, a certain kind of disconnect, floating, there but not really engaged, the distraction...

True enough of my experiences really, at times. I can really connect with the idea of...SEEMING to be there, focused, proper and yet really...not 'there' at all because there just so many things going on... The less useful aspect of the same circumstances described in the previous cards. Dwelling on those distracting things, non-proactively, will only distract further. Best leave them behind. The whole mindfulness concept: really be in the moment of the moment you are in.