working through doubts

So today we finally have some minors come up to write about. To be honest, the minors were a large part of why I hesitated to get this deck for as long as I did - though increasingly I find that I appreciate some variation from the standard RWS tradition images, the ones in this deck are particularly...out there. Would I even be able to even read them?
I find that with a bit of support from the book I can, and with much greater ease than I've had reading many a more conventional deck.

We have for today the three of disks, a family cloaked in folds and folds of shining reddish-gold, holding their newest addition, a baby newly born, newly created, newly entered into this world. Traditionally, this image represents work, but not of the mundane sort - rather artistry, craft, a labor of love, doing things you enjoy. Works, in the Thoth. I've been using that deck too, for personal draws, and that card along with the Knight of Disks came up as advice for this paper I'm writing. Work, find a stable foundation and expand outwards, keep at it as long as you must. A family is hard work too - birth, of course, but also after, the sleepness nights, the many costs and sacrifices each member must make to achieve some kind of harmony. Even gold, this card reminds us, is valuable not just for its beauty: how much effort, especially in ancient times, was required to dig it out of the ground, to smelt it into the form we are used to.

A labor of love. I wouldn't exactly call writing this paper that, but it is a labor that requires much of me, a struggle to create something I desperately want to be proud of, or at least satisfied with. This brings us to the second card, the seven of cups. Here we see a wolf, black, potentially frightening  making his way through the night. Fear, yes, apprehension surrounding him, and this. What if I fail? This professor, who is also the director of my program, a well known expert in the field - what if I fail to meet his clearly stated high standards, and what if I disappointing myself? What's more, the same professor sent out an email about a job opportunity assisting him, and as per my post yesterday about channeling that Magician energy more, I decided to apply to that as soon as I am done with the paper. That means again, putting together a cover letter, updated resume, the work that goes into trying to make myself sound qualified. Always the lurking wolf there, in corners of mind, when we make ourselves try for things we don't really believe we can have.

But the wolf also represents wild, primal energy, inner power, untempered by societal expectations, over-thinking, doubt. The wolf represents potential, what you can do if you unleash your abilities, allow them to roam freely in your life. The biggest obstacle to me finishing this paper and getting the application for the job sent is not a lack of ability, or work ethic; no, it is fear, and doubt.