Funny that these would be the cards that come up for me today...
We have two dragons in this seven of cups, unreal creatures having a tea party, giggling, dreaming impossible things - stars around them, seedlings growing out of the teacups even as they play...
Impossible dreams. I have a good friend. We met in college - she was one of the few people who bothered to really draw me out, to get beyond those walls I build up around myself socially, especially back then. We became friends in large part because, for a couple of semesters, we were basically in all of the same classes - we had remarkably similar interests and yes, dreams, things we wanted to do, work in, achieve...
For me, even back then...the awareness that the highest of those dreams would almost certainly only ever be pipe dreams...too many factors, many out of my control, standing in the way... With her though, it was different. I watched her over the years pursuing those dreams, better-suited to it than I could ever be...and recently, especially, she was awarded an opportunity, one that would put her on a near-certain track to...doing it, getting there. And I was so proud of and happy for her, because I know her, know how good of a job she could do, how her amazing people skills and charisma and compassion would be great for that kind of role.
Last night, I ended up spending quite a while on the phone with her, listening, trying to be supportive. She just got some news, a decision that might...make all of that impossible. There is still the chance of an appeal, but...whether that would work is highly uncertain, to say the least. And she is so upset, afraid, angry at herself for small mistakes made years ago. It's hard to know what to say: I could try to tell her that even if the worst happens, it's not the end of things, that there will always be another beginning, something else to pursue; that life will fall into place somehow, that she can pursue other routes. And yet, I know how hard it is to hear that - not to mention actually believe it - when you are so distraught, so focused on the one disaster unfolding in front of you now. It is hard to see the other possibilities you might still have to grow, to learn, to become a better version of you, when you are so viscerally experiencing your dreams spilling and leaking away all around you...
You keep going. You keep going and you wait for the disappointment to mellow out into a kind of indifference, a resignation you can live with. You keep going and you laugh and joke about pipe dreams, about a younger, sillier you.
I look at the last card and think that maybe I should send her something - a card with a book or a poem of some sort. Will have to think a bit, about what might be appropriate...
We have two dragons in this seven of cups, unreal creatures having a tea party, giggling, dreaming impossible things - stars around them, seedlings growing out of the teacups even as they play...
Impossible dreams. I have a good friend. We met in college - she was one of the few people who bothered to really draw me out, to get beyond those walls I build up around myself socially, especially back then. We became friends in large part because, for a couple of semesters, we were basically in all of the same classes - we had remarkably similar interests and yes, dreams, things we wanted to do, work in, achieve...
For me, even back then...the awareness that the highest of those dreams would almost certainly only ever be pipe dreams...too many factors, many out of my control, standing in the way... With her though, it was different. I watched her over the years pursuing those dreams, better-suited to it than I could ever be...and recently, especially, she was awarded an opportunity, one that would put her on a near-certain track to...doing it, getting there. And I was so proud of and happy for her, because I know her, know how good of a job she could do, how her amazing people skills and charisma and compassion would be great for that kind of role.
Last night, I ended up spending quite a while on the phone with her, listening, trying to be supportive. She just got some news, a decision that might...make all of that impossible. There is still the chance of an appeal, but...whether that would work is highly uncertain, to say the least. And she is so upset, afraid, angry at herself for small mistakes made years ago. It's hard to know what to say: I could try to tell her that even if the worst happens, it's not the end of things, that there will always be another beginning, something else to pursue; that life will fall into place somehow, that she can pursue other routes. And yet, I know how hard it is to hear that - not to mention actually believe it - when you are so distraught, so focused on the one disaster unfolding in front of you now. It is hard to see the other possibilities you might still have to grow, to learn, to become a better version of you, when you are so viscerally experiencing your dreams spilling and leaking away all around you...
You keep going. You keep going and you wait for the disappointment to mellow out into a kind of indifference, a resignation you can live with. You keep going and you laugh and joke about pipe dreams, about a younger, sillier you.
I look at the last card and think that maybe I should send her something - a card with a book or a poem of some sort. Will have to think a bit, about what might be appropriate...
2 comments:
You keep going and you wait for the disappointment to mellow out into a kind of indifference, a resignation you can live with.
Well spoken.
Ah hope, that double-edged sword! It keeps us moving forward, yet it also cuts so deeply when it springs back and slaps us in the face.
When someone is in the depths of their pain, as you say, they're probably not ready to hear about new beginnings. First, they need to have their distress honoured, acknowledged. Sounds like you could do that for her, and that's already a lot.
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