dealing with disappointment

Another interesting little quick reading/draw i felt was worth writing up here. Planning on putting away the Silicon Dawn for a bit and working with some other decks that I haven't really got to reading with yet, so decided to do this as a kind of final for now read with that deck.

So basically, I applied to this State Dept. Critical Language Scholarship thing a few months ago. I'm studying Arabic, see, and though I knew it was highly unlikely that I would actually succeed and get it, it was free to apply, and if I had gotten it, would of meant several months all expenses paid studying of the language in a country in the Middle East or North Africa. Basically, nothing to lose for trying and much to gain if I actually got it, so why not, right?

Well, I got an email yesterday informing me that I had not, in fact, been selected. As I said, this was pretty much the expected outcome. I had, as I always do, deliberately maintained a fatalistic/realistic attitude and low expectations, so the disappointment factor was limited.

Which is not to say I didn't feel any at all. Been working on this quite useful self help book recently, which works for me because it kinda incorporates aspects of Buddhist philosophy and such also, and one of them that makes lots of sense is about letting yourself feel your emotions, not suppressing/avoiding things, etc. etc. So yes, I was disappointed some. After all, it was a chance to study a language I love learning in a country I very much want to visit/live in, to travel which is one of my favorite things, would have really helped me advance much more in my language skills, etc etc.

But you know, it's pointless to dwell on that which cannot be changed, so I thought it would be useful instead to use this as an opportunity to draw cards with advice on a more generally useful aspect of the situation - how to deal with disappointment.

Again Justice pops up. This is turning into a bit of a theme, isn't it? (I tried out this quarterly spread from Zanna Starr's blog at a tarot meetup today and guess what turned out to be my Quintessence card for the year??) Makes sense though, in this pair.

See, if you want to get anywhere, if you want to lead an interesting and fulfilling life, you need to take risks, take leaps of faith, give things a go because the opportunity is there and well, it's worth a shot. If a man on a dragon appears promising to fly you somewhere amazing, do you really want to say no and stay locked up in the same old boring routine blah blah? So you jump on and go for it. And sometimes it works out. And sometimes you fall on your ass in the cold wet snow. So it goes.

There's no use dwelling on it, really, on beating yourself, on focusing on that negative. It was worth a shot and a shot was what you gave it. As for why it didn't work out? Justice, impartial logic, impartial justice. As in, do not take it personally. It was not meant as some judgement of why you, as a person, or terrible or worthless or anything like that. There were simply many applications, limited slots, and to an impartial judge yours just didn't make the cut. So it goes. There is no point in resenting cold logical sword of justice, is there?

So take a balanced approach. Be fair to yourself, fair to whoever or whatever person or force disappointed you. Equanimity. You lose some, you win some, right? No one can succeed all the time, win at everything. No one is perfect, and if they did or were that would hardly be balanced either. Which is not to say don't take anything from experience. Look objectively, logically, at your own performance or actions, and learn for next time - is there anything you could have done better, handled better? Anything to keep in mind for next time?

Look forward, no back. Focus on the unspilt cups. If someone else, a friend or family member rather than you had been disappointed, had failed, would you berate them for days on end? No? Then don't do it to yourself either. Balance. Ok, you win some, you lose some. This was a lose. Fair enough. I'll keep some lessons in mind for next time, and otherwise shrug, alright, pick myself up and try my hand at something else. So it goes.