Tuesday, April 17, 2012

keep on keeping on


Once again we have two cards here that are quite appropriate to my life right now. First of all the Ace of Swords - again a definite Thothy influence here. It stands pointing upwards, piercing a crown of light, while the hilt is in the shape of a bird. Freedom, flight forward, towards the new, above the world with old clouds receding and creation, cutting off the old and plunging into the new, illuminating everything. Paired with that we have the three of pentacles, Mars in Capricorn: a certain kind of active, stubborn determination. You are doing, and you will KEEP doing until you get it all DONE, no matter how much effort and energy it takes from your part. Fire in earth indeed. It is more than that, though. The artisan, the stained glass window painter...he is enjoying his work, in that image. He has the knowledge, and the tools ready in his belt, and he is going at it, creating something wonderful, something that he can be proud of. He's been preparing for this task, and now that it's here in front of him, he plunges right into it, ready.

I'm really not unlike this craftsman right now, though my efforts, as the Ace indicates, are more intellectual endeavors. One of my major research papers is due tomorrow evening, for my cyber war class. I already have the outline written out, detailed notes of the paper, this new task, that I want to create. It's been difficult though, to get myself to actually sit down and do the hard work of getting a rough draft typed out, then revising, then revising again, then adding proper footnote/endnote citations, then reviewing one last time, etc. I suppose, as always, I get apprehensive, nervous when it comes time to do it. Hard to focus and concentrate. But I must, and I can, and as the 3 of pentacles points out, I really do want to. I really like my idea and want to argue it well, make a good point. In a way...well, I am in this heavily male dominated class in a somewhat male dominated program/field, studying a topic that I pretty much had no prior knowledge of, and one that combines two fields ladies aren't normally associated with excelling in...and if I can do this, prove to both my inner feminist and my inner individualist that I can do this, and WELL, that yes, regardless of what topic you throw at me, I can learn it and then can critically engage with the material? I will feel proud, accomplished.

And as the Ace points out, once I write this I am done with this class and can focus on finishing other things, getting done with everything and started on the new, excited possibilities in front of me for the near future...which...birds, air, there is a growing possibility I may be flying somewhere exciting...

3 comments:

Alison Cross said...

I like that Ace very much.

I find it helpful to just break things into small chunks and just focus on the chunk in hand instead of thinking of all the other bits that need attending.

Good luck with the paper - I'm sure it will be brilliant!



Ali x

woley said...

Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life by Anne Lamott; ISBN 0385480016

Great book on writing, whether it be assignments, essays or creative writing. Have you read it? I browse it when I'm procrastinating, it recharges me.

Bonkers said...

thanks Ali!

woley - i've never read it cover to cover but have read excerpts of it in just about every writing class (a good number, I once had ideas of being an English major, lol) I ever took. Perhaps I'll give it another look when I've some time :]

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