a look at myself

The following is an abridged version of the Planetary Personality Spread shared by a member of the local tarot meetup group during her presentation last Saturday. The planetary positions on an astrological chart are used as a basis for the card positions in the spread. I thought my reading using this spread was rather on point, so figured I'd post it here.

1. The Ascendant
Your persona, what people see when they first meet you, the mask you present to the world.

As the title of the card would suggest, Temperance is in many ways traditionally a card of balance, of having patience and taking care, of moderating influences. In the Thoth, the card is called Art, Alchemy, in emphasis of the  mixing of the water in the cups, of experimenting and creating, combining, synergy and evolution. In the Nusantara, I see aspects of both of these takes: here, the figure looks harmonious, calm, at ease, carefully balancing and mixing; but there is a certain enthusiasm, a look of energy and enjoyment lacking in the traditional RWS artwork. She still has one foot in the water and one out of it, but the positioning looks more precarious, the water more roiling, the land more like the edge of a cliff. She almost looks like she could be dancing, and yet, is still quite absorbed in her task, the mixing.

What does this suggest about the persona I present to the world? A woman who tries to appear light, at ease, not particularly burdened; someone who wants to appear together, reasonable and trustworthy in their approach to the things they do; someone who very much enjoys experimenting and mixing various perspective, interests, hobbies, etc., even things one might not think very complementary or mixable; someone who tries to downplay the precarious nature of the ground she stands on (or not) and someone who has a hard time actually committing to any one thing, one foot here and one foot there.

2. The Sun
Your basic personality and temperament, your core behaviors, what drives you.

The five of cups generally signifies grief, loss, disappointment, despair, regret. Sometimes it speaks of necessary grief, the need to see harsh reality for what it is, process, and move on; other times it speaks to dwelling on the negative, fixating on what is broken and spilled and gone rather than that which you still have. Here we see a dark-clad figure staring down at the three ups whose water has spilled on the ground, back to the two cups still standing. Grey pervades the background, giving a melancholic air to the surroundings.

What does this say about my basic personality, temperament and behaviors? Well, it suggests a person who has a melancholic type of approach to life, a person that perhaps struggles with depression and has for a very long time, but also a person who has always, even in childhood, had a tendency to fixate on the negative rather than the positive aspects of a situation, a person who dwells on losses, even of small, petty things, someone who has trouble seeing things, as they themselves at least, with hope; someone who inspects and dissects what went wrong, who does not allow themselves to forget even when they do, mostly, move on.

3. The Moon
Your private side, your inner self, your core [emotional] needs.

The seven of wands shows us a man, armed with a stave and standing in a defensive position, ready to fend off attacks - from who we cannot see, only their staves, rising up towards him, fencing him in. The seven of wands generally signifies struggle, facing and overcoming challenges and opposition, perseverance, valor, fighting on even when things seem hopeless.In this deck, the man stands on the precipice of what looks like it could be a waterfall, bright colors of his clothes contrasting with a dull-colored background. He looks determined. Small sprigs grow out of the staves both he and his opposition hold.

What is this showing of my inner self, my core needs, the private me? We see someone who, though very much not a fan of any sort of conflict (notice how peaceful the mask that temperance presents above is, how uninterested and seemingly unprepared for any such engagements), is nonetheless, when backed against a wall (or the metaphorical precipice of a waterfall), responds with defiance; not anger, necessarily, and not confidence or enthusiasm, but a kind of grim, determined defiance. This is a person who sees themselves as alone in such conflict much of the time, who may not even really care about the outcome, hell, would happily throw themselves down that waterfall, but who will not be pushed, or goaded. This is a person who will not be controlled or made to do anything against their will, and whose sometimes terribly strong desire to give up is balanced by that drive to keep fighting, a person more motivated by defiance, even of oneself, that any kind of ambition or desire.

4. Mercury
How you communicate and think, your intellect and ideas.

Last we have the ace of swords, traditionally signifying  sharp thinking, insight, mental clarity, analysis and reasoning through logic, new and original thoughts and ideas, realizations, objectivity, intellectual impulses. Representing the element of air, we see the sword in this ace grasped by a hand reaching out from within a whirl of clouds; crowned, it stands against a background of long, unbroken blue sky.

How does this describe the ways in which I communicate and/or think, my thoughts and ideas? Someone who thinks deliberately, someone who values and relies and logic, objective and internal, whose judgement and even emotional responses are predicated on logical analysis. This is someone who is capable of great insight, into herself and into others, though insight does not necessarily mean appropriate action in response; someone who loves to think, and who thinks independently, sometimes very unusually; someone who is driven more by intellectual rather than mundane concerns; someone who thinks deeply but also someone who over-thinks habitually, especially when it comes to most forms of communication; and someone who is open to considering other perspectives, to a point, but who, once a decision or a realization is made, is quite capable of cutting off completely certain paths of thoughts and action, rightly or wrongly, and utterly unwilling to reconsider that which has been culled from possibility.

bit more tarot poetry

Another try at this particular exercise...
----

change never does just sprout
forth; it does not bloom
in sudden bursts of brilliant color,
come spring.

no, change wildly spins
and be must grasped painfully with teeth.
it must be chased, pulled out
from deepest depths within.

color, wonder and ideas

I usually see the Ace of Swords as being the 'harshest' of the aces - new beginnings yes, but often ones that require cutting of the old, letting go and starting a new. Attitude adjustment, as I once wrote - not just forming new ideas but deliberately walking away from old ones.

In this deck though, the images is rather noticeably a gentler one. There is water in this images as well as air, starlight and a sun rising overhead. The light from the star and the sun seeps into everything, filling it with streaks of bright yellow and white. The girl holds a bowl and a wand, ready to fill and create.

Not just intellectual activity here, but creativity. Thinking new things and applying them in your own unique ways. There is joy in this card, inspiration, pleasure.

New ideas, new starts and new ways of thinking. My mind has been a bit all over the place in some good ways too, of late. I ordered some watercolor pencils and a coloring book. I want to experiment with a new medium, and since I love color this seems a good way to go. Perhaps if my attention holds I may work my way up to something more originally artsy than just coloring...

Still working on finding my way out of certain old ways of thinking...its kind of funny how you can make so much progress with some things and yet find it so impossible to get beyond that last bit - the part of things that has become so internalized you cannot even seem to find it, and how to deal with something that doesn't seem to be there and yet, driven you still are, to do the same stupid things again and again...

Academic pursuits still on my mind but also so much else. Random interests, more than there is time to pursue. Distractions and tidbits. Language stuff, stuff about history of my parents' country that I hated listening to when I was young but now find, from on objective historical perspective, quite intriguing indeed. So far quite unsuccessful attempts to figure out something useful to do with myself for the summer. Another self-help book procured. This and that.

Confusing and overwhelming some of this, but there are definitely pluses too, to having so much to do, possibilities, ideas even if there isn't time or energy to follow through on many of them. Good to remember that, it seems.

Amazing Aces: Coins

And so we get to the fourth in the favorite aces series. I've enjoyed doing these, and it's been an interesting exercise to see how the decks I chose from for these differed from my choices for favorite majors - though of course, the fact that decks keep going in and out of my collection is a bit of a factor too. It does make me more aware of the different strengths of various decks. For example, of my two most favorite decks, not one Ace appeared here.

In any case, last but not least in the Ace of Coins (also known as the Ace of Disks, or Pentacles). This is the card I associate with material opportunities - careers, finances, physical health and all that. It's a card that that I see as being the most solid, speaking of the pragmatic. Whereas other majors may fill be with inspiration or energy, in this one I often find relief; I suppose at this point in my life I am more likely to stress about finances then intellectual development or relationships ;] It's also one of the Aces I associate most strongly with color. I like to see earth in this card - green, brown, gold. So which ones speak to me most?

Shadowscapes

I must say, I really enjoy how this Ace is presented in the Shadowscapes tarot. Iguanas are definitely not an animal you see associated with this Ace or suit often. They really work here though, both color-wise and in terms of associations -  the iguana is an earthy kind of creature, after all. We see smaller lizards too, the progression of growth and accomplishment. The golden coin we at the bottom is stamped with what could be seen as a star, or a kind of sun, or maybe even a flower - all symbols of success, fortune, hope, growth.

Of course, the colors and composition in general are beautiful, as they are in most of the cards in deck. The two branches curving upwards subtly support the underlying message here, the opportunity for earthly, material growth, as does that ring of light behind the iguana. The green of this card offers a nice juxtaposition to the silvery purple borders - many of my favorite cards in this deck have this kind of greenish scheme. A bit unusual an ace, and lovely.

Alchemical Renewed

Once again, the Alchemical tarot presents a take on an ace that I rather adore. The clean lines and line-type shading work really well in this image. Earthy, nature scenery dominates the picture: a hill covered in grass, flowers, leaves and weeds. At the top of the hill we see a sturdy tree with bright green leaves, and right in front of the coin we have a rabbit, hopping forward. Rabbits are associated with fortune, aren't they? Well, their feet at the very least, but that is a horrible custom and I think whole, living rabbits make much nicer omens of good luck.

On the whole, the image is rich in color, in life. It makes me think of spring time, or early summer: beautiful weather, a great time to make a start of a new thing. The rabbit is a fast-moving animal, energetic. The trees and flowers show that the soil is fertile. The time is right, the situation is ripe, things can go your way, this card says. The animal theme continues in this suit as well: in the Ace we have a rabbit, full of energy but small, vulnerable; in the King we see a lion, mighty and powerful, on top of the animal kingdom.

Legacy of the Divine

Interestingly enough, LotD, one of my favorite decks overall, is a mixed back when it comes to Aces: two of them I really like, and two I don't much like at all. This, along with the aforementioned Swords ace, is one of the good ones. Again we have a nice big golden coin, with a star design and a convenient elemental symbol, surrounded by nice, green, earthy imagery. We have a bee and some acorns, which can signify hard work and potential for growth, expansion, wonderful things. Acorns can also be seen as a kind of nourishment - the resources needed to get you through hard winter times and towards those goals and achievements. We can also see, in the lower right corner, a hedgehog. Not a particular noticeable animal, not striking to the eye, and yet - he has his quills to defend him, and he moves steadily, close to the ground. Again, much of my liking of this card stems from its general atmosphere - the impression of richness, of fertility, lots of room for expansion, success and comfort.

gifts in thinking

I've never been much  on the whole holiday spirit thing, this  one or any other, and this year was really no exception. That said, I figured that doing a draw on the general theme of 'gifts' would be appropriate enough...

The Ace of Swords comes up....an interesting response to this reading.  Thoughts, ideas, a way to start something new, an intellectual challenge. You can give other people gifts, trinkets, money - you can even do all kinds of things for them...but thinking, perspective, approach to life...that is something you cannot impart to anyone else. You can try, sure (as many a lecturing parent would know)  but fundamentally you cannot directly influence what anyone else has going on in their head. Your thoughts, perhaps more than anything else in this world, are your own.

A change in thinking, in outlook, has to come from within. It's something that generally doesn't happen suddenly - rather, a slow shift over time, a series of small realizations; sometimes, it involves conscious work. It can be one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself though, if you can manage it -  to work through some of the  self-defeating, negative thought patterns and find the way of intellectually doing things that works best for you. There is so much more you can do in life if you are not constantly standing in your own way...

In certain ways I think extremes can be a blessing. If something very difficult or challenging happens in your life - whether external circumstances or internal  mental health type issues or both - it forces you to become aware of a lot of those problematic trends in thinking. When things are small and never quite a real obstacle individually, it is much easier to leave them as they are, let them accumulate. When they seem overwhelming, all encompassing, you simply must find a way to deal with them - you become too tired to go on with the status quo.

And so, a rest, and a reminder that attitude adjustment and growth in how  you think and how you see is a constant process, something you can always work on improving. I have a bit of time now to ponder on this kind of 'gift' as it relates to me, and some time to focus on aspects of my interests and ideas that are not related to school-work.

Of course, in terms of actual gift-giving...in my house we have a long-established tradition of my parents simply giving me some cash for the holiday rather than anything physical and wrapped up.  I didn't really exchange gifts with anyone else this year so that is all and that is quite enough. I have a plan, you see. I am working on a design for a fourth tattoo, something to represent, actually, a lot of the ideas behind the Ace of Swords...freedom, flight, new beginnings with old experiences in mind and going forward and possibility and suchlike. I haven't gotten in quite right yet but...soon.

Amazing Aces: Wands

Getting back to this particular favorites post series, we have the third of the four aces, the Ace of Wands. The wands suit is typically depicted, in those decks that use elemental associations, as associated with fire - the light, the burning energy, the passion that the cards within it often speak to. This Ace, like the others, is about new beginnings and opportunities, yes - about those involving creativity, self-fulfillment, ambition, drive. This Ace calls for action in the post literal, direct sense: go, do, create, be brave. It is about potential ready to be worked, shaped.

It is, in fact, probably one of the Aces I would see as being easily applicable to a wide variety of situations, even those typically associated with the others suits - yes, go learn that thing that you care so strongly about; yes, initiate that romance you are daydreaming about; yes, apply to that job even if you aren't sure you could qualify. A very dynamic card, on the whole. As for which of my decks I feel depict it best...

Alchemical Renewed

Though many decks utilize elemental associations and imagery in their depictions of the minors, few, I think, do so as neatly as Robert Place's Alchemical. I especially like how the theme of the animals continues through the suit - the baby salamander in the Ace reappears, majestic and grown, as the wand's King. The salamander makes a rather good metaphor for the Ace in general - here it is small and newly born, but already we can see the hints of its future power, the way it lays on a bed of flames at the wand's base.

The tip of the wand burns too, of course, illuminating the space. I find the clover sprouting out of the side a very nice touch. A clover for luck, a sign that now is indeed the right time for whatever this card is speaking to, that the universe is on your side; and at the same time, a reminder of the idea of making your own luck, the need to act, to take advantage of the opportunities that present themselves to you. The line work and coloring here is awesome, the palette perfectly suited.

Tarot of the Absurd

Can it be, one might ask? Can a black and white deck really manage to express all the energy and meaning that an Ace like this is meant to represent? The answer, as the Tarot of the Absurd here shows, is very much yes. Like just about all the cards is this lovely deck, the ace of wands has a certain playfulness to it, a touch of whimsy. Though it features a tree, something we usually associated with age, tradition, firmness, here we see it dynamic, in motion, sprouting new branches and, at the center of the image, curled around a newborn.

Yes, the tree here moves and sways and curls so as to protect this creature, newly entered into the world, just formed, inexperienced. A beginning indeed, a wealth of experiences to be had, discoveries. The baby still sleeps but the tree does not, no. Nothing here is a passive act, not holding, protecting, caring. Everything requires deliberate effort, decision. What will become of them, this tiny babe, this almost dancing tree? Time will tell indeed.

Silicon Dawn

I drew and wrote about this card in my very first post on this blog, just a day short of exactly a year ago. At the time I was desperately scrambling to finish a rather long and important paper - rather the same as I'm doing now, come to think. Changes and beginnings and repetition. The deck was quite new to me then, and I was still trying to wrap my mind the rather unusual switch, of elemental associations and to a large degree meanings, of the wands and coins suits. Of all the switched up cards in the deck, this one perhaps makes the most amount of immediate, intuitive sense to me.

Why shouldn't the Ace of Wands be seen like this, a confident silhouette of what may be sprouting out of a plant, leaves and roots and vines supporting  and pushing up. The green of the ground slowly turns to blue as we reach the top of the card, to sky, freedom, so much possibility there. We plant seeds in the ground, little kernals of perhaps, and wait and watch them grown into things to beautiful hey take our breath away, sometimes. And isn't that what this card can be, at it's best - the reason we see it and know we should go, try, take that risk?

some more story time

So I figured it was high time I did another of the story writing exercises. I can't quite remember, but I don't *think* that I've done one with a pips deck before...

There were once two kings whose nations bordered each other. Though close to one another, the nature of their lands varied greatly - the first king ruled a mountainous region. His was a harsh domain, bitterly cold in the winter. His people were tough - they raised goats and they mined and traded. His resources were scarce, demanding careful, prudent management. He worried and thought and worked. His neighbor, in contrast, ruled over a land of rich and fertile valleys, rich with rivers and springs and rain. His people grew more food then they could eat, hunted plentifully, were surrounded by beautiful flowers in spring. This king had time not just to rule but to dream, to paint and write poetry.

One would think that these differences might lead to war, sooner or later, between the two countries, but here that was not the case. The two kings had long been friends, and as time went on they found themselves growing closer yet, looking forward to each of their state visits, diplomatic missions, negotiations. There embraces are meeting and parting went on longer than one might expect. Over time the two men realized that their feelings for one another were deeper than that of allies or even friends. There was love between them, passion repressed - for they both knew that anything else was impossible. The mountain king was twenty years older than the king of the valleys, and looked even more the elder, drained my so many years of work and worry. It would be unheard of, inappropriate, impossible yes, always.

And so the years passed. The mountain king would find himself thinking of the other as he climbed through mountain passes with his men, inspecting and giving orders. The valley king would paint his colleague, again and again and again, write poetry that was never heard. Neither married.

Finally, after many years had passed in this way, a terrible storm swept through the land, strong enough to bring creatures from the sea into the valley and wash away many structures. The mountain king ordered his people to go down and help their neighbors. The two leaders felt, then, a wild shift in their thinking, perspective. So many years wasted, gone by in longing. And so they talked and planned, and in the end they announced something great: a union of their two lands into a new, greater nation. They would rule together, partners in all things, and upon their deaths the mountain king's niece and the valley king's nephew, who had taken already to one another, would be married and take their place. The two kings held hand, embraced, and so a new nation was formed. Problems continued, of course, obstacles, minor and less minor disasters - but for the rest of their lives, the two kings would face all of those together.

Amazing Aces: Cups

So, to continue with the favorite Aces series, we move onto the second of four - the Ace of Cups. In contrast to the Ace of Swords, which as I wrote before, tends to have that kind of dual nature - new starts but also cutting away the old, severing, the cups Ace tends to be more uniformly positive in meaning - then again, the cups suit in general, one could argue, is a more positive suit.

What does it represent in readings, this Ace? For me, it's usually about new beginnings, opportunities which will be emotionally fulfilling - things that call to your soul. It can be the beginning of a new relationship, a new friendship or romance; it can be the start of, or an addition to, a family. Good feelings, intuitive growth, taking things to a new level with something or someone you care for. So which decks, from my current collection, do I feel represent these ideas best?

Swedish Witch

I really like how the Swedish Witch tarot presents this Ace. Like the rest of this deck, the card's artwork is rich with symbolism, without seeming overly-cluttered or busy. It takes the traditional Ace image of the large cup and really spices it up with a lush background - pond with reeds and lily pads, frogs and fish and colorful birds, even a mermaid sitting at the base of the cup. You get the sense of a warm, comfortable, nurturing environment. It's an ecosystem, symbiotic, natural, everything coming together, each creature with its own niche in the grand scheme of things.

The sun rising up out of the cup really shows the positive energy that the ace often represents, the light that these kinds of opportunities can bring into your life. In the unicorn that decorates the cup, I see just a bit of whimsy, a bit of the fantastical - permission to let yourself dream, to let your fancies take you wear they might, to let your guard down and simply enjoy what's here in front of you today. 

Victorian Romantic

The Victorian Romantic's take on this ace is another firm favorite, taking a rather different approach to the card. One of the things I really enjoy about this deck is the balance it strikes between maintaining a firm RWS influence while having enough of an original aspect to each of the cards that there is plenty to read in the images without resorting to purely standard meanings. Here, we have a lovely picture - the artwork itself is just incredible - of two nude figures meeting under water. One sits in the shell, the other meets her from above, bathed in a shaft of sunlight.

Is he approaching or being pulled away? It's a bit hard to tell, open to interpretation. The bond though, the strength of their connection, is obvious. They are willing to overcome obstacles, the pull of the waves, to meet. If this is a beginning, what will follow? The possibilities are many. In their nudity, they allow themselves to be vulnerable, to see each other as they really are. The old-style natural body shapes here a welcome relief from too many decks with too-perfect slim and tones and bustily presented forms. The color palette is incredible.

Golden Tarot of Klimt

Finally, we have an ace from the Golden Tarot of Klimt. Unlike the others, there is no elemental symbolism in this card, or in the minors of the suit generally. The color palette too, is rather different. Usually I like my Aces to be watery, so why pick this one? Honestly, I though the image we are presented here was perfect, conceptually. What's interesting about this deck is how both this card and the two of cups have couples. But whereas in the latter the couple in naked, familiar, intimate, embracing each other in what seems to be a time of distress, here we have a picture of the relationship at its beginning.

Here the couple, though firmly drawn to each other, is still at the start of things. They are dressed rather formally, as if for show. Their embrace is likewise proper, with a certain element of stiffness, distance - they aren't yet, in spite of their developing feelings, quite comfortable together. And there are the roses everywhere, beautiful, tokens often given at the start of courting. They still mean something, here. Later, simply a touch, the presence of the other would be enough. There is potential, still undeveloped, here. The relationship can grow, like a well-tended rosebush; or wither, a plant neglected. 

Amazing Aces: Swords

So to follow up from my now completed Favorite Majors series, I decided to focus on another set of favorite cards from my deck collection - Aces. They are minors, but particularly notable minors, seeing as how they open up the suit, and how often they reference major changes, new beginnings and the like. In some decks, they can be drawn rather generically, a utilitarian approach that gets the message across well enough. Other decks though, have particularly nice, thought-provoking depictions. Why not focus on those some?

The Ace of Swords is. I think, an especially interesting Ace to start off with. It's one I personally see as having many layers, both positive and, if not quite negative, sometimes difficult. It can encompass both attitude and action, internal and external, beginnings and ends. So which ones do I like best? After some consideration, here are the three favorites:

Legacy of the Divine

Like much of this deck, the visual aspects of this card are quite stunning. I quite like the color palette especially, as well as the modernized, fantastical qualities of the ace itself. The background of clouds emphasizes the air element nicely, and calls back some of the traditional imagery of the RWS and Thoth Aces - although interestingly, here the Sword is pointed downwards rather than up. A focus perhaps not just on moving forward but also on cutting away, severing, getting rid of that which no longer serves.

I also like the eagles that circle the sword - fierce birds, noble and strong, ruthless when necessary. A good reminder of some of the kinds of traits that Ace of Swords situations can call for. Finally, we have a glowing air element symbol and the astrological wheel in the background, reminding us again of the outside correspondences we can use for additional meaning if we wish, and the grand scheme of things.

Silicon Dawn

The Silicon Dawn Ace of Swords provides us with a rather different image. The color scheme, for one, is at the complete other side of the spectrum. I must admit that I've never been of the school that sees yellow as a particulary airy color - to me it is too close to gold, to the earth-tones. But I can set that aside here, because it works. For one, I like the way the yellow fades into that pure, glowing white at the feet of the figure - an image of manifesting energy, potential.

I love the theme of gears and cogs too - simple details that speak loudly of engineering, of inventions and creativity, the wonders a mind can come up with when it sets to work at a task. A lot of times, the swords suit, which is the suit most associated with intellect, is used to depict the problems our minds can make for us: anxieties, grief, insecurity, self-sabotage. Here, instead, we are allowed to focus on the positive, the wonders we are capable of creating when we think.

Mary-El

The Mary-El is a deck newly acquired, so much so that I haven't even finished trimming it yet. Already though, many of the images are so arresting. This one in particular caught my attention. Again we have the image of an eagle, this time in a much more thought-provoking position, bound upright. The accompanying book, though it rather bizarrely associates Scorpio with air, does provide some interesting insight.

In particular, it speaks of redemption, of evolution, of rising up out of darkness, out of air and water and into the sky: the freedom that flight represents. Again, the emphasis not just on the difficult aspects traditionally highlighted by swords but also on free will, reason and purpose and communication. I especially like the idea of this card as speaking of striving, of doing what we must to free ourselves of those constraints, of seeking clarity, dreams and ideals. It is a card of channeling our visions and working to make them happen; a personal. internal kind of empowerment.

cards-based writing exercise

So I hardly ever do any creative writing anymore - not enough time or energy, with all the other things I have going on, particularly the coursework. However, since that writing workshop on Saturday I've had a story idea stubbornly bouncing around in my head. Somewhat unusually, plot details keep coming to me - not in a short story/flash fiction kind of way, but actual longer work kind of plot. Kind of stressed about other things though, and didn't know how to begin doing something with all of that, so I decided to draw some cards and write around those.

I drew the 2 of Wands, 4 of Wands, and Ace of Cups from the Fantastical Tarot.

A door, an opportunity, a choice between security, the familiar, and emotional fulfillment, a new beginning.

---

Two cats: one black, the other a pale ginger-blond. That is what you would remember most of all about that moment, later on - the way those two cats slinked about, curling around the legs of the man you were speaking to, the man you had once known simply as an imposing librarian and who you now could not even look in the eye as you spoke. No, you stared at his cats, each one rubbing against one of his legs, perfectly ironed slacks forming a sort of door. A door, yes, and how very desperate was your need then to get out.

You spoke to his legs and to his cats because you knew that if you were to look up, to meet his pale grey eyes, you would lose your nerve. The words you needed to say would die as they reached your lips and instead he would find what he wanted, from you and from the rest: silence, submission, compliance. And you could not, would not, go back to that.

Even as you began to speak you were already aware of how much you would miss it once you left. The secret society had warmly accepted you into its fold, pried your darkest secrets away from you, saved you from the dreadful feeling of being alone always and in all things. You would miss the lectures about things you had not dared to dream since childhood were real, the glasses of wine shared afterwards with quiet discussion. Most of all you would miss the weekends, driving down, squeezed in the back of a van, to the little airfield outside the city, taking turns flying up in the plane, higher and higher, and of course the jump back down to earth again, the freezing thin air rushing at you from all directions, and the voices.

The voices, which had been so thin at first, pressed together, hurried and blurred so that you simply thought you were losing your mind again. Then later, as you returned week after week they stretched out into clarity, filled you with the most amazing kind of magic - the things you could do with that magic, those first few moments and hours after the parachute carried you back down to the ground. Euphoria  filled every inch of you once a week for months, until one of those voices became a name, a singularity you could distinguish from all the rest. It said: what do you think they are doing with all of the magic they take from us? Why do you think he collects it from you, in tithe? Look, snoop, discover.

You did. You discovered, and you retched, and a little later on you were standing in front of him, Elias, ostensible leader of all things. You stared at his cats and you made excuses, lied about feeling unwell again and needing time to yourself, away from all of these things. You were still too scared then, too tied to them, to say what you really meant: that you were done, that you were walking away.

No, not just walking away - you would find a way to fight against what they were doing; you would go on a mad search for the withered, bitter old man that a certain voice told you, as you were plunging down through the clouds, held the key to that fight: a magic from higher skies, the starry skies that once, for a short moment in time, men thought they could thrust themselves into.

You would go looking for space magic.

concrete/material focus

Ace of Pentacles and the Magician came up in today's draw. Interesting juxtaposition here, I think, in between the Ace, where the woman, though surrounded by nature and green and such 'earthy' symbols, is literally floating in the air, and the Magician, where the old man is rather firmly and comfortably seated in his study, surrounded by books, relics of arcane study, the like. Both of these cards talk about the mundane, material, concrete world, though they use rather different visual metaphors.

Being an Ace, I see the first card as speaking of beginning, of taking some concrete action, of working on getting some momentum going. The woman has her arms open, as if ready to embrace something new. The flowers below her and the coin in her grasp suggest that the focus of this should be in the worldly rather than the intellectual realm. And indeed, I have been...largely focused on the intellectual the last few days. Reading a few biographies, getting a bit more in the groove of working with cards, studying and studying the Arabic. Which is all fine and good, of course, but I finally actually got to organizing myself properly with a To Do List (for me QUITE helpful to actually getting things done) and it made me realize just how many more concrete things, both smaller (ie. clean out my bag) and larger (ie. bank stuff, resume stuff, loan stuff) I've been avoiding or putting off doing.

The Magician of course, can represent all kinds of concerns, but given the nature of the image here, and the pairing with this Ace, I see it as a reinforcement of the need to focus a bit on these things today as well. The Magician is, of course, very much too about personal will, motivation, ambition, and a reminder that as difficult or tedious as some of these tasks may seem, they are certainly within my power to get done if I put my mind to it.

So yes, obviously getting everything done in one day is unlikely, but the goal is definitely to get at least a few things crossed off of that list o' mine...

Reinforcing the message

Sometimes I read about specific issues, or with specific focuses, or using specific exercises in mind. Other times though, I find it interesting to just draw cards with absolutely no questions or ideas in mind, and just see what pops up. I trend I notice with that is that...the cards tend to return to the same themes, the same ideas that I apparently need to hear. This holds true even when I switch decks - and apparently, mediums.

I wrote about Attitude Adjustment a little while ago, while on the trip to the south of the country. To be honest, while it HAS been on my mind, as I've settled into a more regular routine here in Tunis...well, let's just say it's always easier to settle back into old/established thought/action patterns than it is to really do the work of creating new ones. Which isn't to say I've failed utterly at this just....not doing as much as I could be. Anyway, part of yesterdays random/daily draws with my VRR, and then this mornings on-a-whim work with the Arcana Stones really kind of caught my attention/amused me...

ANOTHER version of the Ace of Swords card, this time coming up as a 'shadow card' in a more day-centered draw, reminding me of the general theme of new thinking, learning to approach things better, etc. that I SHOULD be keeping in mind. I love the image there, the fairy girl on the cliff, sitting, perhaps resting but perhaps procrastinating/hesitating, and the flying bird to show her the way off, into the new...

In this morning's random arcana stones throw we have the mother of pearl stone, representing the Moon card, landing in the 12th House...the house of limitation, seclusion, self-undoing. Letting my more negative thoughts, letting uncertainty and mental confusion/chaos and things I KNOW I shouldn't be listening to in my head limit/get to me... We also have the mahogany obsidian stone, representing Death card, landing in the 8th house - the house of changes, endings and beginnings....a doubly emphasized message if I've ever seen one. These two stones taken together pretty much seem synonymous with that Ace of Swords card there and....yeah.

Echoing messages. Good to pay them mind, methinks...

working on many things

So yeah, the interesting phenomenon of the mind doing funny things/being all over the place even when, externally, there seems to be no reason for why that should be so. This has been me, the last few days.

Drawing some cards and thinking on things a bit, I think this might at least partly be due to a case of too much of a good thing...in this case, getting a bit hyper-focused on my arabic studies. Now of course, being very focused on productive endeavors is not a bad thing, per se, but I find that...too much single-minded focuses, in whatever, really tends to...take things out of perspective. It's easy to become over-invested, especially emotionally, so that things that should be no big deal, or a small annoyance at most, suddenly start to seem momentous, or horridly morale-crushing, or whatever.

Nice as it is to really get INTO your work sometimes, it also raises stakes unnecessarily, and narrows your inner world. Blinders and all that.

I drew some cards from the Shadowscapes to clarify the message/advice from a draw with the Thoth (multi-decking, ha) and got the Emperor for like, the third time in almost as many days. This threw me a bit at first - is it in relation to my approach to the studying? Because really, I don't see how I could be MORE organized - color coded obsessive re-copying of notes into different notebooks organized by topic and all that - but the Ace of Wands gave me pause. There are a lot of cards I might associate with my studies here in Tunisia, the arabic but at this point...Ace of Wands doesn't really feel right for that.

Narrowing of focus again, you see? Impulse assuming that the draw has to be related to the thing foremost on my mind. But take a breath, perspective, zoom out, think wider: what could this be referring to? And after that - it came to me. Ace of Wands for new beginnings, new projects, self-fulfillment, growth, ambition. I am reminded of the fact that I still have NO idea where I will be living, or working/interning when I get back to DC after the summer. While the housing situation is not something I can really work on resolving just yet....working on updating my resume, throwing together some cover letter templates, applying to some positions for the fall - or at least, finding some potential places I could apply to later on in the summer? All certainly things I could get working on now.

I do have some difficulties with self-confidence, mostly because attempts to get 'good' jobs or internships have pretty much been uniformly unsuccessful in the past, but that's where the emperor comes in. Self-discipline to keep working on it, to try again.. Organization in how I approach things. Head held high and all that. It's something useful and productive, an investment in the future, in further new beginnings, and at the same time, it provides some of that much needed wider perspective so I don't get so obsessed and bothered by the little things.

Living in the moment IS good, in many ways but...like so many things, there can be too much of a good thing in that, too.

Attitude Adjustment

So I've had the Ace of Swords come up in multiple readings and draws I've done in the last week, with both of the decks I've been working with. And well, it's not for no reason, unsurprisingly.

Aces are all about new beginnings, about starting afresh, about opportunities, open doors. In the Ace of Swords specifically we have the chance for well...a change in mindset, in attitude, in thought. How do you think, how do you analyze and assess and approach your life and the things that happen to you?

I quite like the symbolism in the Thoth ace. The sword is green - green for spring, for flowering, for growth. A crown above it for control, and light, and behind you can see more light growing, piercing through clouds and dark blue, the new day awaiting you, chances.

The Ace of Swords, being a sword, can also represent cutting away, a cleaner break from the old, which is not always easy but sometimes quite advantageous. There is, without a doubt, lots in my mind and outlook that I could do with letting go of, or at the very least of seriously refreshing, and well...

What better time to work on mental change when there is already so much physical change going on around you? For me at least, external changes do, at least in the short-term, provide a kind of momentum that can be quite difficult to grasp otherwise (perhaps this is why I change around my life so much in recent years?)

Right now, I am in the privileged position of having been able to get away from 'normal' life in a very significant way, and for a good bit of time. Why not try to use that to leverage something in my approach to life that could be of use when I get back? I always try very hard to to bring too much baggage of things from 'before' on new beginnings or adventures, but why not try to take that a step further and try from something more long-term? There certainly is room in my life for it.

I am in the middle of a four day trip with my language school to the south of Tunisia - there are long bus rides which I normally hate, and some challenges for me with food, as a vegan, but really, I can't remember the last time that I've felt so overall positive and fulfilled about things. Being social enough for my needs with classmates, learning a bit more arabic by chatting with the director of the school, taking lots of pictures of truly beautiful things... Being in the moment, and the moment is... just great. So yes, why not try to leverage this kind of feeling into something more...long-term? At the very least, trying to improve in that regard should ensure I get the most out of my experiences and have some great memories.

pondering opportunity costs

You may try to tell yourself differently sometimes, convince yourself that you can have it all, do it all, that you can hold onto all the strings and still accomplish everything you want..but the truth is, everything has opportunity costs. Everything involves trade-offs, even if they are only implicit ones, theoretical . Taking on something necessitates sacrifice - if not of something you are already committed to, then of the energy needed for more.

That's the thing, you see. You tell yourself you can keep on going with all of it, that you don't need to put down the old sword to pick up the new. Another class? A new job? Another set of burdens when you already have so many others on your plate? A new project? Sure, sure why not. And stubbornly you insist that you can hold onto all of it, that you won't have to set anything aside...and maybe you won't, technically. Maybe you really do have the upper body strength, or the masochistic pure force of will to keep holding both of those swords high above your head through the night... But the extra toll it takes, to keep those swords raised? That exquisite kind of tired-muscle pain? All the concentration it requires, to keep that perfect careful balance, that precarious sense of equilibrium? That is a COST too. That takes something from you, out of you...

An economic concept really, opportunity costs, the idea that nothing is really free. An hour spent at a public park - free, right? It costs you nothing but time. And yet...if you spent that hour working, you would make however much your hourly wage is, right? So really, the cost is there: that wage you choose to give up to enjoy the sun, the fresh air...

You become more aware of it the more frequently you find yourself in situations of...difficulty, too much starting of new things, too much refusing to let go of the old... And yet, what can you do, if those old burdens are just things you cannot give up - too dear to you, tied too deeply into the person you are, or just so ingrained you have no idea of how to even go about leaving them behind? What if the cost of NOT taking up that new adventure, that new possibility, is even higher than the cost of having to learn to balance even more?

You accept it. You accept the cost of what you might take on and what you will not be able to do as a result. Accept that you will have to find a way to somehow balance even more, hold up even heavier swords, make an even more precarious situation work...and so you do, and so it goes. At every new possibility the question: is it worth it, the cost of going this way? Is it worth it, the cost of letting the chance pass by?

What would be heavier in the end - the burden of the effort, or the burden of regret? Sometimes you do not know for sure, cannot see ahead of you. Choice and faith. Balance, balance. How heavy a set of swords are you willing and able to hold up? How long can you keep at it?

keep on keeping on

Once again we have two cards here that are quite appropriate to my life right now. First of all the Ace of Swords - again a definite Thothy influence here. It stands pointing upwards, piercing a crown of light, while the hilt is in the shape of a bird. Freedom, flight forward, towards the new, above the world with old clouds receding and creation, cutting off the old and plunging into the new, illuminating everything. Paired with that we have the three of pentacles, Mars in Capricorn: a certain kind of active, stubborn determination. You are doing, and you will KEEP doing until you get it all DONE, no matter how much effort and energy it takes from your part. Fire in earth indeed. It is more than that, though. The artisan, the stained glass window painter...he is enjoying his work, in that image. He has the knowledge, and the tools ready in his belt, and he is going at it, creating something wonderful, something that he can be proud of. He's been preparing for this task, and now that it's here in front of him, he plunges right into it, ready.

I'm really not unlike this craftsman right now, though my efforts, as the Ace indicates, are more intellectual endeavors. One of my major research papers is due tomorrow evening, for my cyber war class. I already have the outline written out, detailed notes of the paper, this new task, that I want to create. It's been difficult though, to get myself to actually sit down and do the hard work of getting a rough draft typed out, then revising, then revising again, then adding proper footnote/endnote citations, then reviewing one last time, etc. I suppose, as always, I get apprehensive, nervous when it comes time to do it. Hard to focus and concentrate. But I must, and I can, and as the 3 of pentacles points out, I really do want to. I really like my idea and want to argue it well, make a good point. In a way...well, I am in this heavily male dominated class in a somewhat male dominated program/field, studying a topic that I pretty much had no prior knowledge of, and one that combines two fields ladies aren't normally associated with excelling in...and if I can do this, prove to both my inner feminist and my inner individualist that I can do this, and WELL, that yes, regardless of what topic you throw at me, I can learn it and then can critically engage with the material? I will feel proud, accomplished.

And as the Ace points out, once I write this I am done with this class and can focus on finishing other things, getting done with everything and started on the new, excited possibilities in front of me for the near future...which...birds, air, there is a growing possibility I may be flying somewhere exciting...

Plans and Pipe-Dreams

So you get an idea: you want to do something new, try a different approach to things. You want to have something worthwhile to channel your energy, your passions into. Perhaps this new start can be that for you - new leaves, bright green sprouting from an upright branch; a dance among spring, flowers, blossoming. You want to grow, to do more than you are currently able to do. You want to be better. You want to do, to involve yourself with creative, impressive, fulfilling pursuits.

And so you have this idea, a spark of insight, the outlines of a plan, a course of action you could take to make it all come together. Or vaguer than that, a sketch in your mind still, this new opportunity, project, adventure...

And yet...how do you know, whether that flash of inspiration holds the seeds of a real, viable plan, or whether it is all a pipe dream? Mind games, escapist daydreams that flit across your mind because it is so much easier to get lost in perhaps perhaps and eventually than to deal with the difficult things right in front of you: that months-long fantasy, born of nothing more than a walk in front of an embassy, of running away to Australia...

Standing in front of a throne with a scepter of power in his hand, this man may be a king now, may have the power and the authority, but he never really did leave behind who he was: that knight, that dreamy-eyed, over-romantic knight. Still he focuses on the cup, his own self-indulgence rather than the larger picture. He drinks and enjoys the muddy-headed feeling as he ponders things he might do, project he might undertake, eventually, the things he might accomplish if he actually took this or that step...perhaps, perhaps...

Below, in his fields, with the castle where he takes his pleasure in view, simple people toil. They work and they work, force themselves through day after day of monotonous unrewarding labor. Does the king think of them? Does the King consider how his actions might effect others? Does the king account for those little details of reality in his grand plans?

And why do they stick to it, those people, day after day breaking their backs and see nothing for it? The same concept: the vague dream, the vague plans and ambitions - they too want something greater, something more. Perhaps if they work hard enough, are careful enough, are diligent enough, are good enough, perhaps they too will have a chance at those fresh young leaves sprouting up. Is this really possible? Is the system too skewed for them to have a chance at real success? Should they just give up then, collapse in the sun and refuse because why bother, why bother when nothing will ever change and they will grow old with age and still have nothing? Or is there that chance, if they, too, let themselves dream? Is there a difference between the dream-gaze into the bottom of a cup and the longing dream as you stare at the castle up there, in the distance?

Where exactly does the outline of a real plan end and the foggy edges of a pipe dream begin?

Why Do I Collect Decks?

So I wrote a post response to a question on AT, and I liked what came to mind enough to want to expand on the idea here so....

Collecting Decks

So I have some 30+ tarot decks at the current moment, which I do not think is a particularly notable number by the standards of Aeclectic membership but which is, by the standards of the wider world, quite enough to be called a 'collection' and to qualify me as someone who can reasonably say that I collect tarot decks.

And I suppose I do, though for various reasons I don't really think of myself as a Collector the way some people are: I keep all my decks in simple bags in a large sack (after fire last fall, I like the idea of being able to quickly grab and take them all in an emergency), and care about boxes not at all - the only reason I keep those these days is for possible trading purposes, as other people seem to like keeping their decks in proper boxes with proper LWBs. I don't care about keeping my decks in 'mint' condition, even some of the rarer, OOP ones - if I think it will look better trimmed, I trim away, and gilt them too. I do not keep decks I cannot or do not want to read with, no matter how pretty or rare - all of my decks must be reading decks, working decks, because what the hell do I have them for, if not to read with?

And yet, nonetheless, I have enough that one might reasonable ask: why so many decks? Couldn't you read just as well with one or two? Does anyone ever need over thirty tarot decks? And to be fair, no I do not need them. And yet I am an INTP, and there is some underlying logic with which I justify my purchases. It comes down, I guess, to that one great love of mine in life - the love of learning, of gaining knowledge, expanding what I know and how I can think about the things I know of.

See, we all call it 'tarot reading' but in many ways that seems to be mostly a metaphor, figurative language. Do we really think of it as the equivalent of reading a newspaper, a book? And yet, the more I think about it, the more I want to say...perhaps yes. What is written language, after all? From the earliest pictographs to modern, current alphabets in a way, if you think about it broadly, writing is about visually representing abstract concepts. We have these little symbols we call letters, and we string them together this way and that, and suddenly that MEANS something to us, because we have been trained to automatically interpret them as such. So when you come across DOG, you do not see random squiggles: your mind automatically brings up the image or the idea of a certain canine animal. And when you learn other languages, you apply the same concepts. PIES brings to mind the same animal for me, because my mind has been trained to make that associated. So does كلب because again, written language acquisition is about training the mind to correlate visual symbols with sounds with abstract ideas.

Reading tarot is, in a lot of ways, is just the same. You have 78 cards with distinct images, and each card has a range of meanings attached to it - the exact details depend on which system(s) you follow, whether you read intuitively or whether you are deep into studying historical esoteric symbolism or whatever, and so on. In any case though, its a recognizable system with widely applicable card meanings, and as you get more experienced with working with the cards, and more familiar with them, the process of eliciting messages from the cards becomes easier. When you first start off, you draw a card and look at the picture, and maybe you have some vague concept of what it could maybe mean, but you aren't quite sure, and so you check in the LWB or whatever book you have, and you read the keywords and then you kind of stumble along, in broad strokes, trying to make some kind of connection that makes sense to you. The image and the abstract ideas are still separate and you are trying to bridge that gulf.

Later on, it just comes. I draw the 6 of cups and I automatically think of nostalgia, of childhood, of looking backwards, of longing, of people you used to know and things you used to do. I draw the 10 of coins and I think of houses, of families, of the people you love and the people you are tied to, of responsibilities and duties and burdens. A draw an Ace of Wands and I think of opportunities, of growth, of creative energy ready to be channeled, of new projects, of starting thinks, taking the plunge, boldness. I do not have to sit there and struggle to remember - it simply comes when I look at the image in front of me. The images of the cards you see, have been married to a whole range of concepts in my mind. It really is quite analogous to reading, except that what you are reading is a deck of cards...

Which brings us back to the idea of why so many decks? If you have a deck with which you have grown familiar enough to have that kind of connection, isn't that enough?

But you see, to me it does make a difference that what you are reading is not words but images, ART. Art, which can be created in so many different styles and mediums, which is both so inherently personal and so universal...Having many decks means working with the same core concept represented in a plethora of different ways. It really does broaden the scope of your knowledge, the pool of meaning from which you draw when you read. You'll see a card you feel you know so well drawn in a different way and it will trigger something in your mind, another way that you could approach the idea. It adds nuance and shade. Working with the Thoth so much recently has been doing that a lot for me - it really isn't so far removed from the RWS meanings, and yet it comes at them from different angles and perspectives and it makes me really THINK. It widens how I see the cards. Like Aeon instead of Judgement opened up that card for me in a way I never really got just from the standard christianity-based images of the Angel blowing the trumpet and resurrection. Or the post the other night about the Wheel of Fortune and the idea that life is made up of many wheels - wheel of career, wheel of love, wheel of emotional health - that all move at their own pace. These are ideas that would have never occurred to me if I had just been working with the ONE deck, and which once they do I can internalize and apply to all my future working with tarot, regardless of which deck it is that I happen to be reading at the current time.

And yeah, in a way each deck is also it's own 'dialect' because each one has it's own artistic take, little details that you can pick and pull apart as you interpret. Sometimes the answers the cards give can be QUITE literal, and that staircase or the hat or whatever in the deck you are working with happens to be exactly applicable - it wouldn't be there in another deck, but its here, in this one, an answer just for you.

Besides that, decks draw on all kinds of influences - each other, early 20th century occultist groups, ancient mythology, various cultural practices, astrology, numerology, qabbalah, various animal groups, whatever, and they do so in various ways and proportions and so, having many decks can also be a nice way to become at least a little bit familiar with other ideas or systems or whatever which for me - well, more learning is always, always a plus.

And so that is my overly long explanation about both what I think tarot is and how I justify spending all kinds of money on tarot decks when, one might argue one or two would be more than enough :D

"Equilibrium" - Roots and Branches

So I found this idea I quite like on the AT forums, about choosing a word for the year - something to work around, keep in mind, perhaps meditate on or write about or whatever. After spending a few days trying to think of an appropriate word I decided to take a cue from my year card, Justice and go with Equilibrium.

I like that word because it speaks of balance and fairness and all the stuff I wrote about in my year card post, and there are a LOT of areas in my life where I could really use some positive changes in this direction. Also, there's a kind of objective, logical quality to the word equilibrium that I like - it makes me think of my economics courses in college, the fact that on graphs, equilibrium was the point at which supply and demand met at a sustainable rate. Otherwise you'd have shortages or surpluses, problems, but at equilibrium, things are sustainable in the long term - even if things aren't perfect, at equilibrium you can let out a breath and know things are ok like this for a while. Again, something I could use more of for sure.

Decided to pull some cards for how to bring more Equilibrium into my life in a kind of roots/branches spread I've seen variants of on the forums...roots being the heart of the issue, the foundation, and branches being possibilities, outcomes, next steps.

Ace of Wands seems rather apt, in terms of foundation for trying to work more equilibrium into things...one thing I have to say about the Deviant Moon is...the majors are nice enough, sure, but this is one of those decks where it's the minors that really seal the deal for me. I love the Aces in this deck especially. Here, the ace of wands is a kind of wood/nature spirit woman. She holds a baby swathed in leaves, a kind of seed ready to grow, sprout. Her wand burns with possibility. Nurture it she needs to, though, right? Some work is needed, real work. And butterfly wings on her back, for transformation, transition, growth. Wands for energy, creativity, passion. Aces for initiatives and new beginnings.

Changes, even modest, realistic goal changes like 'I want more equilibrium in my life' (rather than more ambitious phrases like renewal! recovery! transformation!) don't just *happen* to you all on their own. I need to do something to make them happen, really approach this as something, a new initiative to follow through on, apply myself to with the best of my abilities.

This I find interesting as a branches card, because at first, it doesn't really seem to...well, stem from the Ace. If making positive changes is a project like this, like growing a garden, something that requires positive energy and creativity and drive, then why would the result, the branches, be this? We have a sad figure, sitting with his mask still on, in a comfortable enough place, well lit, orderly, looking not very happy at all...

But thinking about it more, it makes sense. See, just because you can recognize that change is necessary, that taking this and that step would improve your life significantly, doesn't mean that doing so is EASY. If it were EASY, you would have done so already, right? You are a creature of logic after all, or at least strive to be. If something is advantageous and easy, you go for it. But sometimes things aren't easy at all. Sometimes, letting go of what is familiar, even if it is not good-familiar, is terribly difficult. Sometimes you don't want to risk the crushing sense of defeat if your serious efforts at improvement don't work out. Sometimes you don't know where to start. Sometimes you make a great start and then don't know how to sustain that forward movement; you run out of energy, you sink to the ground in frustration and say, well I've already done this one thing, isn't that enough? But it isn't of course.

This card says to be realistic in expectations, and it commitments - it's not only about the Ace at the start. It's about continuing on even later, when that initial burst of start-energy dissipates. It's about continuing even when the motivation feels like such an ephemeral, intangible thing. It's about if you are serious about things, you need to know it won't always be easy, that things might get worse before they get better, and you need to be prepared for that. It is a clear-eyed, non rose-tinted vision.

lord of the root -
curl around us, here,
in tear-blackened earth. 

we are waiting for you,
waiting to sprout, to climb
higher, grasping for sky - 

we want to know you, 

wish to become
better than what we are
now, a sort of seed,
rough-edged and small. 

Nourish us.

Appreciated, cards, and duly noted. We'll see how this whole Equilibrium word thing goes...