Wednesday, June 20, 2012

working on many things

So yeah, the interesting phenomenon of the mind doing funny things/being all over the place even when, externally, there seems to be no reason for why that should be so. This has been me, the last few days.

Drawing some cards and thinking on things a bit, I think this might at least partly be due to a case of too much of a good this case, getting a bit hyper-focused on my arabic studies. Now of course, being very focused on productive endeavors is not a bad thing, per se, but I find that...too much single-minded focuses, in whatever, really tends to...take things out of perspective. It's easy to become over-invested, especially emotionally, so that things that should be no big deal, or a small annoyance at most, suddenly start to seem momentous, or horridly morale-crushing, or whatever.

Nice as it is to really get INTO your work sometimes, it also raises stakes unnecessarily, and narrows your inner world. Blinders and all that.

I drew some cards from the Shadowscapes to clarify the message/advice from a draw with the Thoth (multi-decking, ha) and got the Emperor for like, the third time in almost as many days. This threw me a bit at first - is it in relation to my approach to the studying? Because really, I don't see how I could be MORE organized - color coded obsessive re-copying of notes into different notebooks organized by topic and all that - but the Ace of Wands gave me pause. There are a lot of cards I might associate with my studies here in Tunisia, the arabic but at this point...Ace of Wands doesn't really feel right for that.

Narrowing of focus again, you see? Impulse assuming that the draw has to be related to the thing foremost on my mind. But take a breath, perspective, zoom out, think wider: what could this be referring to? And after that - it came to me. Ace of Wands for new beginnings, new projects, self-fulfillment, growth, ambition. I am reminded of the fact that I still have NO idea where I will be living, or working/interning when I get back to DC after the summer. While the housing situation is not something I can really work on resolving just yet....working on updating my resume, throwing together some cover letter templates, applying to some positions for the fall - or at least, finding some potential places I could apply to later on in the summer? All certainly things I could get working on now.

I do have some difficulties with self-confidence, mostly because attempts to get 'good' jobs or internships have pretty much been uniformly unsuccessful in the past, but that's where the emperor comes in. Self-discipline to keep working on it, to try again.. Organization in how I approach things. Head held high and all that. It's something useful and productive, an investment in the future, in further new beginnings, and at the same time, it provides some of that much needed wider perspective so I don't get so obsessed and bothered by the little things.

Living in the moment IS good, in many ways so many things, there can be too much of a good thing in that, too.


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