Saturday, February 25, 2012

Questions Snapshot Exercise: Who Am I?

So another idea for an interesting tarot exercise. Around the question words again, except this 5-6 separate, one card readings, each focusing on one of the questions through the lens of 'snapshot at this moment in time'.

Who Am I?

Appropriate as always, this card. As a snapshot of current moment in time, this is quite how I feel, actually. The red background - danger, conflict, difficult things in the external environment and I am supposed to face them, but how can I? My sword is broken, snapped. Worse yet, I feel like I am dissolving...

Dissolving, yes, physically falling apart. There, look, my legs are turning to dust, to ash. How can I move forward without them? There, behold, the crumbling of my thighs, my knees? And what am I suppose to DO about all that? Oh I am trying, trying, but can my limited attempts really make a dent in the momentum of years worth of action coming to culmination?

Impossible to stop this destruction, falling apart. Perhaps if I was in a field, in some nice calm place with no stress and no recurring problems, maybe I could figure out how to fix myself up a bit, somehow; but instead I am here, with the cold stone floor and the red pulsing everything at things constantly going wrong, demands and attacks or PROBLEMS, and somehow I am supposed to deal with that, and keep myself from crumbling at the same time and how, how? Perhaps it is time to let myself fall to the ground, a pile of ash, apologies for my failure.

Except of course, that this card came up reversed which...not quite the same meaning, is it? Failure is very often not a final thing. If you fail and give up, than what you and/or everyone else remembers is the failure, right? But if afterwards you somehow pick yourself up, glue yourself together somehow, haphazardly, and going on to try again or try at different things or move to different places...if you do better, then that will be remembered too, might even overshadow the earlier problematic...after all, memory works in interesting ways.

A snapshot is a moment in time, only a moment. Keeping that perspective of TIME, even at the lowest points, is important. Yes things may feel utterly unbearably terrible NOW, at this current moment in time. Within you, around you, everything. But even from this card there is the possibility of forward motion, upward motion. After all, despite everything, the Fey still has his wings right? Still the option of trying to fly away, find calm in a better place, something...


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