nifty deck, introvert paradox

So about a week ago or so I got my copy of a deck I've been eagerly looking forward to since I first saw scans of it online before it was fully complete ... the Tarot of the Absurd. I've always loved the idea of a black and white tarot, having a bit of a *thing* for monochrome, and the decks out there, few and far in between, that fit that description...all are lacking a certain something. Light and Shadow is the closest I've found to what I'd been wanting, and lovely though that one may be image-wise...the size and highly mediocre cardstock prevent it from ever really becoming a favorite. This...well, lovely quirky artwork that stretches you in reading and as for the execution? I keep wanting to TOUCH these cards because they feel so nice.

So some work with it, since I got it a nice bag to live in and got myself a phone again to take pictures with until I figure out the camera situation...

I'm reminded by these two cards of one of those paradoxes that come with being an introvert - very much so in my case. When I was younger, I used to have a lot of issues with social anxiety, with thinking that I wasn't 'good with people', In truth, social skills are in large part something that can be learned and improved on and, while speaking will never be my strong point and I doubt I'd ever win any charisma awards, I really am not any worse than the average person at socialization and getting along with people.

The thing about being an introvert is that you don't necessarily WANT to be alone all the time. That gets lonely, and everyone can use someone to talk to, to engage in activities in, to give and get support from. At the same time, being around people can just get so...draining, sometimes. The talk talk talk, the noise, so much going on, different motives and approaches and sometimes maintaining that necessary inner barrier between yourself and the world...tiring, yes.

Yesterday I went with a friend to the National Book Fair and it was a lovely time, listening to some fantasy/sci-fi authors talk and sign books and yet...standing in long lines, sitting in a large crowd of people...always sets me on edge to some degree. So much noise, so much going on. I only grudingly and occassionally use facebook, and avoid other social networks by and large because...they are too overwhelming. Too much going on that I don't want to deal with. There are better things to do with my time.

The feeling when a stranger or acquaintance insists on striking up a conversation when you are in no mood to talk. Listening to other people talk in the library when you just really, really want to work on your own things *silently*. Being obliged to go out and deal with the world on days when you really would just like to hole up by yourself at home.

You don't dislike people or social contact, not at all, and you feel blessed to have as many wonderful people in your life as you do, and yet...