Wednesday, January 18, 2012

on uncertainty

A bit pressed for time, comme d'habitude, but decided to do a quick reading for myself on the subject of all the uncertainty in my life right now.

There's a few things, really. For one, I'm finishing up reading for the first session of my Cyberwar class tonight. Now, usually I'm pretty confident in my abilities, academically speaking...but taking this class in part to fulfill a requirement for my grad program and in part because I didn't want to be a coward and back out of a class I could learn a lot from just because I don't already feel comfortable with the material...but I admit I feel a bit overwhelmed and...yes, uncertain. I just...don't know nearly as much about things like computer networks as I do about the middle east or somalia or chechnya or ethnic conflicts or history or languages etc etc etc. and being a grad level makes me a bit nervous.

Also there is the fact that my housing situation is so chaotic right now - as in been staying in a hotel last few days due to floors being redone, and going to have to juggle moving back in with work AND class tomorrow and just...gah. And I have an article thing I'm supposed to write by the end of the month for something that is actually going to be published and...yeah. And that's not even touching on personal life stuff and yeah...lots and lots of uncertainty floating around my life and brain right now.

So I draw these two cards. First impression....lots of blue :0

But really, such a nice, succint, reassuring message here. Of all the courts I identify most with the Queen of Swords, both in her positive and her negative aspects, and here she is, upright: You can do it, man. Attitude, experience, intellectual-wise, all of it - you have it. You have the sword and the crystal ball, the emotional grounding and the logic to guide you can handle this nonsense. Maybe it won't be so easy, but hey, you're used to not easy, right? You laugh in the face of not easy. Come on now, chin up, use you inner wisdom and stop with all this self doubt. You can totally do it because you have the inner resources to handle all of this.

And it will turn out well, all of it. If you work hard, you'll do fine in the class, well enough to be reasonably pleased with yourself. Your housing situation, pain in the ass or no, will be settled in a few days and then you'll be nice and comfortable and have shiny re-done floors to boot! You can get that writing done. Success, and being able to be happy with yourself at your success, is totally within the realm of possible, graspable, do-able. And this is a LOGICAL ASSESSMENT OF THE SITUATION THE QUEEN OF SWORDS SAYS SO LOGIC, MAN, LOGIC. So LISTEN :]

Also, emphasis on that Ten of Cups. When you do handle it, when you do succeed despite stress and nervousness and whatever other obstacles your mind or life may throw at you...give yourself CREDIT for it. Pat yourself on the back. Do something nice for yourself. Positive-reinforcement and all that.

But yeah, the gist: stop worrying so much, you can handle it and things will turn out fine.

...good to hear :0


Anonymous said...

Favorite bit of this post:
~ Signed, she who also likes the Queen of Swords a lot and often identifies with her (and refuses to buy into all the negative associations often heaped on that card).

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