I wanted to draw a card to reflect on this milestone, and what came up but the Knight of Coins, a card I've written about several times in this blog. I must admit I rather adore how it is portrayed in this deck - I have to say, and this coming from a very avid trimmer, that this really one of the decks most improved by chopping all the borders off. The knight here, richly dressed and cloaked, moves forward on his horse through the world. He appears to be in the middle of a jungle of some sort - beautiful but a the same time, no doubt uncomfortable - sticky and hot, dark, so easy to get lost in. But this knight is not concerned, no. There is a certain serenity in his expression, a confident kind of calm. He knows he can keep going and so he does, deals with anything that comes his way, and during those interludes between obstacles he simply enjoys the peace rather than stressing and worrying about what the next difficulty might be.
Below the ground we see a helmet-stamped coin, representative perhaps of that traditional suit of armor that this particular knight isn't seen to be wearing. Sometimes the armor you need to face the world isn't outside of you, something you put on. No, its deep within, the root that steadies you, nourishes you. It's your approach, your mindset, your unconscious.
The knight moves forward and so do I. I worried when I started this blog that I would abandon it, get distracted, as I've done with among other things two other blogger blogs, which I glance at guiltily every time I log in. But no, more or less frequently, I have gone on posting here, reflecting, working with the cards. I've gotten a lot more familiar with my decks and tastes in the last year, working on figuring out which ones are true favorites, which I don't actually like quite as much as I thought I did.
And likewise, life in general. As I said in the previous post...exactly a year ago I was madly scrambling to finish a paper. Now I am doing the same exact thing. Different class though, different paper. Last year, finishing my first semester in a grad program, I was still feeling a bit insecure about whether I was actually good enough, capable enough, to do well in graduate school. Now I write and I know, if I can just get this done, that I can do well. I've gotten very gratifyingly positive feedback from all my professors this semester. Not done with things yet, not at all but...progress, yes. On and on we go, forcing ourselves to read and to type and to type. After this two more papers to write before my semester is done. Lots of reading about lots of very non-uplifting things. But so it goes, and so we go - onwards.